How to break up with your girlfriend for another girl...

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Xenu
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30 Oct 2010, 12:05 pm

So I've been (I think) going out with a girl for about a month now. And there is this other girl that I've been wanting to ask out for a long time now and I think I might do it today or tomorrow, but I don't know what to do with the other girl... I mean I like her as a friend but never really wanted to be in a relationship with her, and I mean we both kind of treat it like a fake relationship but I know she actually wants to go out with me and thinks it to be more real than I do... What do I do?



emlion
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30 Oct 2010, 12:11 pm

Tell her.
Stringing her along is far worse than telling her outright.
Although if you do that and things don't work out with the new girl don't just go back to the first girl because thats also cruel.

I'd never agree to dating someone if I was attracted to someone else.



Aspie1
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30 Oct 2010, 12:39 pm

Xenu, you're making a mistake. The first girl is your actual girlfriend; the second girl is your potential girlfriend. Now, why would you want to drop someone who's guaranteed, for someone who's only a promise? Stay with your current girlfriend, because if you dump her and the other girl doesn't like you, you'll be left with no girlfriend at all. Even if the other girl does like you, it'll still be wrong of you to dump someone just because a new person came along.



Xenu
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30 Oct 2010, 12:52 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Xenu, you're making a mistake. The first girl is your actual girlfriend; the second girl is your potential girlfriend. Now, why would you want to drop someone who's guaranteed, for someone who's only a promise? Stay with your current girlfriend, because if you dump her and the other girl doesn't like you, you'll be left with no girlfriend at all. Even if the other girl does like you, it'll still be wrong of you to dump someone just because a new person came along.


I'd rather have no girlfriend than just be with somebody knowing it will go nowhere and she will eventually have her heart broken.



Peko
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30 Oct 2010, 1:19 pm

I'd tell her the truth but wait awhile (at least a week or more... I'm guessing) before you pursue the other girl/someone else.


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chaotik_lord
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30 Oct 2010, 1:41 pm

I agree with the above. If you ask the other girl out immediately, you will be perceived as a poor choice for a relationship because you'll move on if you like someone better. And your friend who is currently your girlfriend will think that you are a jerk, and won't be your friend anymore.



Chronos
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30 Oct 2010, 2:02 pm

Xenu wrote:
So I've been (I think) going out with a girl for about a month now. And there is this other girl that I've been wanting to ask out for a long time now and I think I might do it today or tomorrow, but I don't know what to do with the other girl... I mean I like her as a friend but never really wanted to be in a relationship with her, and I mean we both kind of treat it like a fake relationship but I know she actually wants to go out with me and thinks it to be more real than I do... What do I do?


Just be honest with her. Tell her you think you're more compatible as friends and want to start seeing other people.

It is actually the least hurtful way to do it.



Vince
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30 Oct 2010, 3:50 pm

Here's what you do. You ask your friend-who-wants-to-be-your-girlfriend-and-might-already-be, "I've been wondering... are we dating?". If she says yes, and you're not sure you're comfortable with that, guess what? You tell her the truth, you say "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that", and perhaps add "I think I feel better about us just being friends, I hope you'll understand. I mean, I like you, but I value our friendship more than a potential romantic thing that might not work out", or whatever might be a more accurate description of how you feel about the whole thing. But don't be insulting. Focus on the positive, like what you like about having her as a friend, and how perhaps you think there are plenty of people other than you she'd be happier and more well-matched in a romantic relationship with.
And then don't ask the other person out right away. That would be a huge douche move. Wait until the friendship thing is well established and comfy, so your friend doesn't feel like she was just cast aside in favor of someone else.

Of course, you could just take the one simple step of turning to your friend-who-thinks-she's-your-girlfriend and telling her "You know what? I'm a douchebag. I'm gonna go ask someone out now, who is not you. Bye.", but don't expect her (or anyone she ever gets a chance to talk to) to respect you after that.


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hyperlexian
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30 Oct 2010, 6:13 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Xenu, you're making a mistake. The first girl is your actual girlfriend; the second girl is your potential girlfriend. Now, why would you want to drop someone who's guaranteed, for someone who's only a promise? Stay with your current girlfriend, because if you dump her and the other girl doesn't like you, you'll be left with no girlfriend at all. Even if the other girl does like you, it'll still be wrong of you to dump someone just because a new person came along.

yes, good point. but i think it isn't going anywhere.

Xenu wrote:
I'd rather have no girlfriend than just be with somebody knowing it will go nowhere and she will eventually have her heart broken.

okay, then break up with her, regardless of the second girl. the second girl should have nothing to with this situation.

Peko wrote:
I'd tell her the truth but wait awhile (at least a week or more... I'm guessing) before you pursue the other girl/someone else.

chaotik_lord wrote:
I agree with the above. If you ask the other girl out immediately, you will be perceived as a poor choice for a relationship because you'll move on if you like someone better. And your friend who is currently your girlfriend will think that you are a jerk, and won't be your friend anymore.

yes, or the OP may lose her as a friend. and the second girl might be unimpressed as well.


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CrinklyCrustacean
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30 Oct 2010, 6:15 pm

Vince wrote:
Of course, you could just take the one simple step of turning to your friend-who-thinks-she's-your-girlfriend and telling her "You know what? I'm a douchebag. I'm gonna go ask someone out now, who is not you. Bye.", but don't expect her (or anyone she ever gets a chance to talk to) to respect you after that.


Lol!! :lol: :lol:



Moog
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30 Oct 2010, 6:18 pm

If you wait long enough, the first one will die, then you can go out with the second one without having to go through any unpleasantness.


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hale_bopp
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30 Oct 2010, 8:05 pm

Moog wrote:
If you wait long enough, the first one will die, then you can go out with the second one without having to go through any unpleasantness.


I would not recommend this.



Chronos
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30 Oct 2010, 8:28 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Xenu, you're making a mistake. The first girl is your actual girlfriend; the second girl is your potential girlfriend. Now, why would you want to drop someone who's guaranteed, for someone who's only a promise? Stay with your current girlfriend, because if you dump her and the other girl doesn't like you, you'll be left with no girlfriend at all. Even if the other girl does like you, it'll still be wrong of you to dump someone just because a new person came along.


I disagree with you. If he really isn't all that into her, he shouldn't be wasting her time and using her as a placeholder.

Again I will say it. Relationships are not just about "you". It's imperative people understand that for a happy relationship.



Moog
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30 Oct 2010, 8:31 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Moog wrote:
If you wait long enough, the first one will die, then you can go out with the second one without having to go through any unpleasantness.


I would not recommend this.


Just brainstorming.

Chronos wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
Xenu, you're making a mistake. The first girl is your actual girlfriend; the second girl is your potential girlfriend. Now, why would you want to drop someone who's guaranteed, for someone who's only a promise? Stay with your current girlfriend, because if you dump her and the other girl doesn't like you, you'll be left with no girlfriend at all. Even if the other girl does like you, it'll still be wrong of you to dump someone just because a new person came along.


I disagree with you. If he really isn't all that into her, he shouldn't be wasting her time and using her as a placeholder.


I agree with Chronos.


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