Any Self-Help Books For Helping People Convey Anything

Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

DGuru
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 283

07 Nov 2010, 6:01 am

I mean anything. Not just ways to win friends. For example, if you want to be intimidating it would have instructions for that.

Frankly I don't want to be seen as "nice", not in an absolute sense anyways. I want to be seen as only "conditionally nice". I want as*holes and pricks to fear me and for good people to want to know me.

There has to be a balance. It is just as important to be unattractive to people who would only want to get to know you in order to use you as it is to know how to win friends who will have your back.

And there's the self-expression angle. I don't just want people to like me, in fact it's more important to me to be understood. I rather be hated than misunderstood. I don't want people praising me for things that aren't true about myself, because it locks me into certain expectations I don't want. I want how I truly feel inside to be expressed to the world (except in situations where a more deceptive "social mask" is called for).

On top of that there are different situations in life where different approaches and different portrayals are useful. You don't want to come off the same way when trying to flirt with someone as you would want in trying to help calm people down in a crisis or when trying to stand up to a bully.



faithfilly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 680

07 Nov 2010, 7:25 am

Just a quick thought... have you considered studying animal behavior books, like "When Elephants Weep" by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson and Susan McCarthy? Also, there are helpful tips to extract from shows like the "Dog Whisperer."


_________________
"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2


faithfilly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 680

07 Nov 2010, 7:30 am

I've come a long way from where I once was in regard to how people treat me. as*holes and pricks fear me far more now than they did when I was younger. I can only guess it's because of how much more I now know. Nice people see me as being a nice person, but the as*holes see me as being intimidating more now than ever before. However, this doesn't mean that there are no pricks who may still try to bully me.

There is almost no hope for people to gain any understanding if they don't even like you.


_________________
"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2


Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 72
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,164
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

10 Nov 2010, 1:13 am

Only a few NTs can understand a range of other NTs, and they get a lifetime of practice to build on basic commonality. St. Francis recommended seeking to know others, rather than to be known, and while that is the end of a dream for me, it seems like good advise. Everybody in my former community completely missed seeing my logical side, which is my outstanding feature. A lot of people are sure that everyone is like themselves, despite massive evidence to the contrary.