Do you remember what people tell you about themselves?

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Spinnekop
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11 Nov 2010, 8:22 am

I have learned to cope with first meetings. You ask the person questions, and let them talk. But then I dread meeting that person again. I usually cannot remember anything they said the previous time, so I cannot comment on anything. Can't ask the same questions again. And even if I do remember stuff, I have no idea what is appropriate to mention again. I actually fear meeting someone for the second time.



wavefreak58
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11 Nov 2010, 8:45 am

I can't even remember their name. If they happen to share an interest with me, I'll remember what they tell me about that. If they tell me about other things, the memory gets fuzzy really fast.

It really sucks because people think I'm this aloof, cold prick, when I'm really just lost in the jungle of inter-personal information.



b9
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11 Nov 2010, 8:52 am

Spinnekop wrote:
I have learned to cope with first meetings.
You ask the person questions, and let them talk.
But then I dread meeting that person again. I usually cannot remember anything they said the previous time, so I cannot comment on anything. Can't ask the same questions again. And even if I do remember stuff, I have no idea what is appropriate to mention again. I actually fear meeting someone for the second time.


i cope with meeting people because i do not care what they think of me. i do not ask them questions. as far as i am concerned, i only meet them because i am introduced, and therefore i have no real interest in their life stories.

if i meet someone without being introduced, then i am more likely to be moderately interested in talking with them because the circumstance that must precede me "meeting" someone at large usually is that i find them interesting.

none the less, if they tell me stuff about themselves, i usually do not hear what they say because i can not stop myself thinking my own thoughts while they are talking.

it may seem contradictory that i say i find them interesting, yet do not hear what they say, but in my case, it is usually the way they move and perform actions that catches my eye.

i like to look at the way they go about their immediate performance in dealing with what is in front of them, and while i do not remember peripheral details about them that do not interest me, i do remember how they perform their movements and actions, so if i see them again, i will more than likely comment about the circumstance that i remember they were in when i saw them before, and that seems to stroke their ego's sufficiently for a few meetings before they eventually realize i am not really aware of the more "important" things about them that matter to them.

when someone loses interest in me because of my shortcomings, i do not really notice or care.
as far as i can see, they are just gone, and i always am happy to move along in life without barnacles clinging to my hull.



Skinnyboy
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11 Nov 2010, 9:57 am

If the meeting is short, I walk away with only bits and pieces, but almost never a name. I can be told names over and over but it seems to take forever to have them stick. I've tried to really pay attention but it only makes it worse, I don't like coming across as not interested. A lot of the time I'll ask an odd question, not off topic but just using the natural autistic view of the world to move an ordinary topic to a more interesting facet. Besides being more memorable, if they take the new direction well it can turn into a pleasant time.
Another problem is, just when I'm getting comfortable with talking to someone new at a get together, things shift around and I have to start over. Either a new person joins in and I clam up, or some pause sets in and it's back to square one.



happymusic
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11 Nov 2010, 10:00 am

I usually forget the name the moment it's said to me, but I usually remember a good deal about who they are, where they're from, their age, etc.



Avengilante
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11 Nov 2010, 1:23 pm

Depends on whether I expect to have to interact with them on an ongoing basis. If I'm going to be working with them or dealing with them every day, I remember every word they say and analyze and compare each new statement with everything they've said so far, to determine their level of honesty and trustworthiness. People who are deceptive and manipulative can never keep the details of their stories straight. Those people are dangerous and need to be identified right away.

Once a person's presence is no longer an influence on my daily life, I usually forget everything about them, including their names, though the face may remain somewhat familiar, I can never recall where I know them from.


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tooty
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11 Nov 2010, 3:27 pm

[quote="happymusic"]I usually forget the name the moment it's said to me, [quote]

Me too.

I have a tendency to zone out when a particularly superficial person is speaking. I do not mean that they have to be talking rocket science, just that I get a fake vibe from them or they come off as jerks. Some days are better than others. I have recently made an effort to at least try to remember a few items in the conversation. I have an excellent memory, but I tend to send everything I deem unimportant to the recycle bin :) It does make people feel special when you remember something from your last meeting. NTs are worse, IMO. They ASK you a question and then don't listen to your answer. That is inexcusable.

I do like people with Aspie traits. I hate small talk and prefer the philosophical. Most of my friends are either not NT, or have such strong personalities that they can maintain the relationship without me. As for me, I know I'm not NT. I do work on my skills and I have gotten better about using "appropriate" responses, even though I think they are totally stupid, lol. Having children has helped me integrate and forced me to put myself in social situations I would normally avoid but for the sake of my children.



Aspieallien
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11 Nov 2010, 7:30 pm

I hate introductions and always do my best to avoide them. I nearly always forget the persons name as soon as I hear it. I never know what to say, and how to manage eye contact. I always seem to forget most of what they tell me. Its not so bad though meeting someone who I share a special interest with.



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11 Nov 2010, 8:29 pm

happymusic wrote:
I usually forget the name the moment it's said to me, but I usually remember a good deal about who they are, where they're from, their age, etc.


Agreed, for some reason names take a little longer for me, but I tend to remember a lot of the other details and have to be careful the next time we meet not to "weird them out" by reciting details of last conversation.



Cicely
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11 Nov 2010, 9:19 pm

I am very good with names, and I remember all kinds of (mostly trivial) information about people. This can be useful for catching lies or exaggerations. Problem is, I don't always remember the context in which I learned something. Let's say two of my acquaintances are having a conversation near me, and I accidentally overhear one person say she has an exam later that day. If I'm talking to that person later I might slip up and ask how her exam went. Since she never directly told me about the exam, I sound like an eavesdropper or just plain weird.



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12 Nov 2010, 4:42 am

To the question, hardly ever.



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12 Nov 2010, 5:55 am

I usually remember more than they do. Unless I was drunk.


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12 Nov 2010, 7:44 am

I can remember their hobbies, likes or dislikes, and what they did for vaction but I have no idea what their name was five minutes after I have a conversation with them. Even when I have said their name several times. :oops:


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b9
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12 Nov 2010, 7:56 am

i can not tell asian people apart. it has caused a lot of problems for me.