people acting defensive when you start a conversation?

Post Reply New Topic

does this happen to anyone else? Its a shame because it makes me feel a bit defensive too.

My boyfriend has this problem because he never says hello, how are you, any sort of pleasantries. He just starts off by asking for what he wants. And that makes people defensive.

I can usually start a conversation without offending people, but things go down hill quickly. . .

Some individuals get defensive even when you're not attacking them.
Those folks have issues.

But if everyone gets defensive when you talk to them even when not attacking them it must be something wrong with the way you talk.

Like maybe you dont start with pleasantries.

Or you sound like you're making demands on them, or something.

Conversation for making friends isn't anything like being a TV reporter doing an interview. Asking tough questions will rarely get you anywhere.

A good conversationalist looks for cues about what the other person wants to talk about--this takes quite a bit of study/practice for most Aspies, many times these cues are non-verbal and thus hard for us to pick up. But, others can be pretty obvious. For instance, if someone is wearing a sports team apparel this is pretty much an invitation to talk favorably about that team. "Do you think Cliff Lee should go to the Yankees works if someone wears a Yankees cap--fail if he is wearing a Red Sox cap.

It could be your body language. Try being mindful of what your body and face are doing as you strike up the conversation.

Last edited by Moog on 11 Nov 2010, 7:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

People get defensive when I talk to them too much, but I'm not trying to invade their space.

You got to have a balance.

Starting with pleasantries some of the time is good, but do it too much and people will see you as too "nice".