Being more Social, for the wrong reasons.

Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 102,034
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

09 Jun 2006, 11:41 pm

Has anybody tried to Socialize, for the wrong reasons?

I've been going to my Clubhouse, much more often than I usually do. The reasons are very rediculious.

Reason #1 is because that so that I could deny that I'm affected enough by my AS, to have very strong Obsessions. I've had it in my Head, that Obsessions are bad, and to make myself Normal by connecting with Society, so that I'm not always in my Own Little World of Classic London, and that my Routemaster Obsession was a figament of my Imagination. That's lasted until I was shaking and Misty-Eyed, before I went to Bed, last night. Before turning in, I've put my favrourite Bus on my Night Table, beside my Bed, and mumbed a Tearful "Sorry".

Reason #2 is that I can't possibly stay around the house, with both Parents around. Doing so will only remind me of the Summer of 1987, when both of my Parents kept on telling my not to talk through my Nose. If one of them wasn't around, the other Parent would do it. When both of them were around, they would back one another up. That's what being at home with both of my Parents reminds me of. Being told not to talk through my Nose, through the entire Summer of 1987, because my Parents didn't like my Wonderful Cockney Accent. I didn't finish any of my Sentences, durring "The Summer of Hate".

Reason #3 is that I don't want to be a Loner. Loners are weak and Spineless. They don't have any Guts. They just sit there, with long Faces, and their Red Eyes welling up with a biuld-up of Tears, or else they rock back and forth in the Corner, talking to themselves in Monotone, like Rain Man, and that's why I don't want to be a Loner.

These are very stupid reasons. Why do I do that to myself?



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

10 Jun 2006, 12:33 am

If you can socialise, do it. If you can't, just go out for a walk or something.

There's nothing wrong with obsessions, but I've learnt to hide them. Or when they do come up (I've learnt to avoid forcing them), I try to give the appearance that these interests are less intense than they really are. It makes life easier and less painful for me and the people I chat to. The conversations I often have with people are dull (mainly about food, surprise surprise) but it's better than nothing.

Oh, and I'm a loner. I don't really have any friends. Yet. But who says that will stay the same forever. I'm losing weight, exercising and going out to the pub a few times a week. And I'm still only 18. :)



TheBladeRoden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Feb 2005
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,208
Location: Wisconsin

10 Jun 2006, 1:23 am

eh, what are the right reasons to socialize?


_________________
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own" -Adam Savage


Mordy
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 309

10 Jun 2006, 4:29 am

Reasons to socialize:

** Find people that you connect with like family OUTSIDE your family
** Build social skills that will help all of your relationships and opportunities requiring social skills or social savvy
** You may learn to like and enjoy people and social interaction once your "ICEBLOCK" of dislike is melted/sheared off your brain you may view social interaction in a whole new light.
** Easier to find boyfriends/girlfriends/mates if you can actually talk to them and socialize
** Interviews for jobs will be better with more social skill
** Having friends helps prevent extremes of depression and/or suicidality.



sweetpraline
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 193
Location: Detroit, MI

10 Jun 2006, 10:06 am

I'm a loner myself. But I am in no way weak or spineless. I just don't have the time or the patience to beg people for friendship. I get sick and tired of trying to reach out to people only for them to put their noses up in the air and act hostile towards me. I don't want to be where I'm not wanted.



anandamide
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2006
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 746

10 Jun 2006, 12:09 pm

The reasons I have tried to be social are because I want to talk about things that interest me with other people. So far this has not worked out very well. I've tried to socialize with NTs but it's very hard mostly because it hurts me to look at them. Also I cannot suppress my contemptuous thoughts about them. Before I knew I had AS I just thought most people were happy with conversations full of inane drivel, and that I was not interested in such talk. Now that I know I have AS I see that my difference with NTs goes much further than that. I see that whereever I have tried to form friendships with NTs I have tried to avoid direct eye contact. And I also feel compelled to include my obsessions in conversation, and they are not interested in following a subject so intensely as I do. So my goal of talking with people for the sake of interesting conversation never works out. In fact, the conversation gets very egocentric as they try to talk about drivel, and I try to talk about my latest obsession.

It's difficult for me to work my obsessions into these conversations. I will try to work in a subject like the postmodern aesthetics of unfinishedness into a conversation while the NT person wants to talk about the cool pants they saw on sale at Winners. Or I want to discuss the violent politics of the international coffee trade when they want to talk about how they have discovered a certain combination of flavored syrups makes the yummiest hot beverage at Starbucks.

Whenever I have been around aspie people, such as my partner or two other aspie people I have met I felt comfortable and at ease, or at least, much more so than when I have been around NTs.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 102,034
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

10 Jun 2006, 11:55 pm

anandamide wrote:
The reasons I have tried to be social are because I want to talk about things that interest me with other people. So far this has not worked out very well. I've tried to socialize with NTs but it's very hard mostly because it hurts me to look at them. Also I cannot suppress my contemptuous thoughts about them. Before I knew I had AS I just thought most people were happy with conversations full of inane drivel, and that I was not interested in such talk. Now that I know I have AS I see that my difference with NTs goes much further than that. I see that whereever I have tried to form friendships with NTs I have tried to avoid direct eye contact. And I also feel compelled to include my obsessions in conversation, and they are not interested in following a subject so intensely as I do. So my goal of talking with people for the sake of interesting conversation never works out. In fact, the conversation gets very egocentric as they try to talk about drivel, and I try to talk about my latest obsession.

It's difficult for me to work my obsessions into these conversations. I will try to work in a subject like the postmodern aesthetics of unfinishedness into a conversation while the NT person wants to talk about the cool pants they saw on sale at Winners. Or I want to discuss the violent politics of the international coffee trade when they want to talk about how they have discovered a certain combination of flavored syrups makes the yummiest hot beverage at Starbucks.

Whenever I have been around aspie people, such as my partner or two other aspie people I have met I felt comfortable and at ease, or at least, much more so than when I have been around NTs.


I experience the same problems when everybody's talking about the latest Pop or Rap Star and I feel like talking about the Golden Age of Rock n Roll, or if everybody's talking about the Buses in Langley and I feel compelled to go into a Monolouge about Routemasters. It's also very tough when people are talking about The Stanley Cup Play-offs and I want to talk about Team England and World Cup Soccer.



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

11 Jun 2006, 1:19 am

We were crap against Paraguay. Can't wait for Thursday. I'll be down the pub cheering on England. :)



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 102,034
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

28 Jun 2006, 4:55 pm

I'm staying away from my Clubhouse for a couple of weeks. It's starting to turn into a Playground, like it always does, during the first two weeks of July. There was an immature Member who was rubbing off on me, and he's a Metalhead, which doesn't mean anything. The thing is that he's constantly yelling at the Construction Workers acrossed the street, and one of them called him an animal, which is the truth. I've given a decent Member some Rice Crackers, in the Bank and apologized and told her that I won't be there for two weeks, and my reasons behind the decision. When I go back, after Wimbledon's over, I'll make a Fresh Start and hang out with the more mature Members, there.