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joooaaa
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15 Dec 2010, 7:29 pm

watch movies, watch other people who were succesfull at it. Oh and one important thing,alot of stuff only makes you look bad if you allow it to make you look bad. You have to do everything with 100% confidence, do it like its the right thing. If something is embarassing to you, it will most of the time only be awkward if your awkward about it. If you act like its completly normal then others will think it is in more cases.

One thing that i only recently learned is that you should try to respond to alot of questions in a non jokingly way. Especially when you talk to girls. They ask you something, say something absurd back. Dont take people too seriously. Dont do this all the time, but if you mix it up well, this makes a huge difference. If someone asks what you did last weekend, respond with something like 'I killed a bunch of homeless people'. if you did nothing at all that weekend you wont look like some no life loser responding with 'not much' every time. people will find your answer amusing and wont ask any further if its a question you dont like answering. In general people love people who dont take things too seriously. large part of social connection is a sense of humor imo. Find out what people find funny, and make the occasional joke, people will respect you alot more for this. Nobody likes someone completly devoid of humor.

Also i had the policy to never blame others. If someone bullies you, it is because you stood out one way or the other. Outsiders get picked on to get them to act and look like the rest of the group. So if you wanna fit in, stop blaming and start figuring out. But I kinda took it too far, ofcourse sometimes you just gotta get rid of certain people and just accept that they wont accept you. and actually blame them.



joooaaa
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15 Dec 2010, 7:48 pm

SteamPowerDev wrote:
TV. I learned social interaction and facial expression from TV. Of course such social interactions and facial expressions don't translate exactly into real life, so it took me a few years to figure that out. Eventually I've managed to use TV as more of a rough guide than an absolute, like I did as a kid. Although I can only interact in simple social ways. More complex relationship and social interaction I am completely dead on. If I can't reference it with something I've seen on TV, I don't know how to deal with it. Which is hard when you are trying to figure out if someone is flirting with you or not. Not to mention how to ask someone out. It just seems to always happen on TV, it doesn't explain the nuances that go on with such interactions. It's rather frustrating.

lol i have exactly the same thing. If I havent seen a complex social interaction played out before , i have alot of problems dealing with it. As for the flirting thing, check out roissy's blog (cant post link, but google Roissy) . This site helped me a TON. seriously check it out.

about the humor thing, check out the show QI, found it pretty helpfull in discovering some patterns to making jokes. (you can find the same patterns in alot of jokes actually). And learn how to present them well. The show is kinda casual with some v funny people (and quite interesting facts!!).



CockneyRebel
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15 Dec 2010, 10:20 pm

I've learned social skills by being around people from an early age.


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Beabe
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16 Dec 2010, 3:41 pm

Acting classes helped me.



ProfessorX
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16 Dec 2010, 3:52 pm

Actually, I've been trying to improve upon my social skills...



jagatai
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16 Dec 2010, 6:18 pm

I was strapped into a chair, my eye-lids clamped open and given drugs while watching romantic comedies.


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Valoyossa
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16 Dec 2010, 6:25 pm

jagatai wrote:
I was strapped into a chair, my eye-lids clamped open and given drugs while watching romantic comedies.


Exactly. To teach SS, some SS-methods have to be used. Sometimes.


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16 Dec 2010, 7:04 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Also learning to fake eye contact by looking at someone. Chest is a no no if it's a woman and I wouldn't even look at their crotch, same with males.


I had teachers telling me they knew I had a problem with eye contact but for god sakes do not stare at a woman's chest when you are talking to them. :lol: They always told me to at least have my nose pointed at the person I am talking to nose. They said you can look at their forehead or mouth if their eyes are too much a problem for me.

My parents were from an area where people were overly polite so they drummed in manners to me from the time I was first learning to talk. My parents also forced me to play with other children and I learned a lot from peers who were always correcting me when I was acting weird around them. TV shows also served as a good starting point for learning to imitate correct behavior. So I would have to say it was a comination of parents, teachers, peers, and TV that helped me fake being normal.


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abifae
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16 Dec 2010, 8:36 pm

Quote:
My parents were from an area where people were overly polite so they drummed in manners to me from the time I was first learning to talk.


I have BEAUTIFUL manners. It's the rest of the social skills I'm lacking LOL.


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Sextus70
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16 Dec 2010, 9:47 pm

In my case, like everybody, with a lot of practice and experiences, and especially with the help of my parents, who have been always strict but excellent teachers and friends.

With the time I have improved many social difficulties and actually I even can pass unnoticed as a "shy" and "cold" person and not like someone who has an Autism related disorder (I´m diagnosed with AS).

I still have lacks in some social habilities but compared to my situation when I was a little kid, I have advanced a lot.