How did you learn Social Skills?
Human behaviour is really interesting. What I do for learning it:
- watching people, looking for patterns;
- asking NTs why do people...?;
- reading books and magazines, especially those stupid (occasionally, I want to learn, not become);
- reading popular websites (I know what's on the top, I learn the words, etc.);
- writing on many forums;
- trying to integrate (for example: forum meetings);
- acting behaviours (pretending to be normal);
- my Mom's suggestions (behave like a human, call your friend X, go with X to the cinema, invite X to us, etc.).
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Change Your Frequency, when you're talking to me!
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Das gehört verboten! http://tinyurl.com/toobigtoosmall size does matter after all
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My Industrial Love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBo5K0ZQIEY
- watching people, looking for patterns;
- asking NTs why do people...?;
- reading books and magazines, especially those stupid (occasionally, I want to learn, not become);
- reading popular websites (I know what's on the top, I learn the words, etc.);
- writing on many forums;
- trying to integrate (for example: forum meetings);
- acting behaviours (pretending to be normal);
- my Mom's suggestions (behave like a human, call your friend X, go with X to the cinema, invite X to us, etc.).
Do you get any information when you ask "why do you..."
Everytime I ask that people look at me weird and can never give me a straight answer. It was extremely frustrating.
It was a step by step process. (Some steps are backward)
I guess it was mostly through watching others and figuring out how to mimic them. I have never gotten it quite right, but I'm better than I used to be. After a lot of mimicking, much of the behavior becomes a part of what I do. I have little mental scripts of what I should say in certain situations. I've learned to say things to be polite. (I still have a horrible problem with trying to compliment people I guess since that requires adapting to the situation at hand rather than running a script)
I've never been able to pick up social skills that would help in dating since that's one of those things that people tend to think you are a bit peculiar when you study them while they are on a date. I still have no idea what one is expected to do in those situations.
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Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")
Everytime I ask that people look at me weird and can never give me a straight answer. It was extremely frustrating.
It depends. If I ask my Mom, she usually answers. She knows me well and she's a logical-minded NT who doesn't like people, so she knows what I mean.
My NT friend X knows I'm weird (she's seen who she chose to be her friend!), so she's pretty used to questions like this. Unfortunately, only some answers are useful. She's too emotional.
Other NTs: sometimes I ask somebody Why did Y say this? I didn't understand his intentions... and they answer something. They often don't tell me exactly what I want, but I know I shouldn't ask more, because they're not friendly NTs.
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Change Your Frequency, when you're talking to me!
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Das gehört verboten! http://tinyurl.com/toobigtoosmall size does matter after all
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My Industrial Love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBo5K0ZQIEY
I went through therapy and counseling as a kid in that area. As an adult, I'm told by some people I'm inept and others that I do fine, so I think it's situational
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Crazy Bird Lady!! !
Also likes Pokemon
Avatar: A Shiny from the new Pokemon Pearl remake, Shiny Chatot... I named him TaterTot...
FINALLY diagnosed with ASD 2/6/2020
Friends who were willing to go over every rule one at a time so I could learn by rote. I apparently annoy the crud outta them because I can't apply one lesson to another situation. I have to learn anew each time. *shrugs*
I don't worry about anything now that I've realized they don't actually string you up and hang you for doing something wrong. I used to be terrified of mistakes, but I thought social errors meant death. I figured they'd take me out and shoot me, like a lame horse, or hang me, or burn me alive. Without THAT stress, social things aren't too bad. I scare 99% of everyone and the rest stick around and are amazing friends.
I've never lost a job due to them knowing I was autistic. Only due to my being incapable of doing said job (usually due to being autistic, but it was merited, not prejudiced). Actually, my coworkers knowing is handy. They all recognize when I'm especially flappy and sort of shield me or help me calm back down I think it's all a matter of how you approach it. I tend towards "I'm so awesome because I'm autistic. I don't suffer your stupid silly social rules that stagnate you. That's why you should adore me", and so they do. If you approach it "I cannot do things right because I'm autistic, and sometimes it makes me difficult" they won't want to help you.
What bothers you about scaring people? Or upsetting them? That sounds, to me, like the real crux of the issue here.
sartresue
Veteran
Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Age: 69
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,313
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
Gregor S. topic
Love your pic of Franz. Back on the topic at hand, I think I learned most of them here.
gotta love WP
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Radiant Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory
NOT a believer of Mystic Woo-Woo
Obviously I haven't learned em. I managed to piss off a member of this forum kinda unintentionally. For some reason I had to type something and I did. Hilarity and Rage ensued because of my very misanthropic and dark post. Kinda sorry I did that, but w/e. I don't have a feeling that anyone on this site is going to drastically change my life. Crap, what am I saying you already do by Informing me about myself through reading of your own personal trials. For that I do thank you all. Have a great day.
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Sometimes it feels like the world has blacklisted me...
That's how my social skills are. Occasionally my mouth will get me into a little innocent trouble. Usually just keep quiet.
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Sometimes it feels like the world has blacklisted me...
One learns social navigation the hard way; by being in society and taking the knocks and pushes that come with being in society. It is like learning to ride a bike. You learn to ride a bike by mounting up on a bike and taking your share of spills and scrapes until you get it right or you give up.
ruveyn
1. Reading pop psychology books on body language and 'how to win friends and influence ppl' or whatever it is.
2. Copying other people in same situation
3. Erring on side of caution and being very careful not to offend anyone (which I later discover doesn't work because my idea of not offending someone is not the universal idea of not offending someone if you get me...)
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