Dont feel grief over loss of loved ones

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Only one time in my life have I ever felt grief over a loved one dying...that was my Great Grandmother on my mother's side.
My uncle died, great aunt, both grandmothers, even my father, another great grandmother, great grand father.....they all died. I felt nothing like it was just another day.

Is this common with those with ASD??

I auto-stop empathzing if it gets to much for me, it might be similiar - coping mechanism.

^^Greetings jojobean.

I believe that my poor grandfather very recently passed away. I miss him very much however I do not believe that I feel very upset. ^^ Perhaps this is due to the fact that I believe all individuals must pass away and therefore this is best not to be upset and instead be happy that I have been friends with them and happily remember them. I believe that as time is relative, my Grandfather is merely existing within the past.

I am very sorry if I am very horrible.

Grief is a weird one, I seem to be unaffected by it at the time but I do eventually feel it, I takes me a time scale of years to process such emotions and my reactions are not typical.

I only lost my grandfather and I clearly remember this because it was the first time I lost somebody close to me. They phoned my mother and she told it to the rest of the family. I was playing Age of Empires III. When I heard it just felt a little bit weird but then I continued playing my game. It freaked me out because I thought that when somebody dies people should start crying but I felt nothing.

I have lost three ex-lovers, and at first, I thought that I was in denial, but over time, I've realized that I just don't feel it, although I sometimes wonder what would have been different in my life if one of them had lived.

But when pets have died I've been crushed. I don't understand the difference.

When my dad died (I was 16 at the time) I didn't cry. At all. My family all thought it was weird, but that was before I was diagnosed with AS.

I was 8 when my great grandma died. I didn't feel sad.

I was never sad when my great aunt died but I was only 11 when she passed away.

I was 15 when my great uncle died but I didn't feel sad for him. In fact my parents felt relieved about it because he was in pain due to cancer. Sometimes people are happy for someone when they die because it means they aren't suffering anymore because of the pain they were in.

I was 16 when my other great grandma died but I wasn't sad.

I was 21 when my grandfather died but I wasn't sad. I was in shock when my dad told me he died. I knew he was going to die and was heading there but I wasn't expecting it to happen that day or that month or that weekend. Everyone was shocked when he died because no one was expecting it. One minute he was alive and then bam he was dead all of a sudden. My parents, my aunt and uncles all saw it happen after they took him back to bed and after he lied his head down, he was gone. I remember I continued working that day after my break ended. I did go out to Montana for the memorial service on him but I was only there for a few days and then I left right after my brother's graduation. I was very lucky he died at the right time for my brother's graduation, it was a coincidence he died at that right time because the graduation happened the day after the service. But my mom had to correct me to how to say it because of how I was saying it. I was saying something like "It was a fortunate my grandfather died because I got to see my brother graduate" and she told me it's "it was a fortunate for me my grandfather died at the right time for me to see my brother graduate."

i loved this one! i have to apologise also, i didn't cry when my father died , he died in front of me so for the few following days, i just thought i might be in shock or something, because i didn't feel anything except the fact that people were getting on my nerves more than usual with their "he's in a better place"better than your company? you bet....
but yeah, it never came, i never cried,i tried to force myself to once, ended up laughing about the futility of it.
then i kept forgetting about it, when some random thing that might have interrested him happened , i'd think: oh, i'm gonna call dad and tell him that. oh yeah maybe not then."
that was the weirdest year of my life, but i didn't feel grief. i just missed him sometimes.

I didn't cry over my dad's death until a year after it happened, when I really wanted him to see something I had made. Strangely, I bawled over my pet rat's death right away.

I cried when my grandmother on my mother's side died, but only on the day of her funeral. My mom says that after the funeral, I ran around smiling and laughing. There was a group photo taken of our family, and I made rabbit ears with my fingers on my big sister's head. I should stress that I was about 9 or 10 at the time, so I didn't know any better.

Afterwards death was a touchy subject for me, but only for about a week or so after that. I felt grief in a weird way - I felt very guilty about my grandmother's death, like it was somehow my fault. The thing is, I had absolutely nothing to do with her death. She was anorexic and bulimic, so it was almost like a slow suicide. I can even remember at one point telling her that I hoped she lived to be a hundred years old, and she said she didn't want to live that long and proceeded to tell me why living to an old age was a bad thing.

I didn't cry at all when my grandfather on my father's side died, but that's because I had only met him once so I didn't know him at all.

However, there's no telling how I'm going to react when one of my parents dies, because the three of us share a very close emotional bond with each other.

I have never really felt grief over people. (Well, nobody in my family has died in recent years) but when my cats died, it was and always will be the very worst thing that has ever happened to me. I still feel the pain very strongly now, and it is one of the things that has made me manically depressed to this day

Hay yo por lo menos no puedo puedo sentir nada por que si lo siento me pegara mucho

As a person who feels grief, even the grief of others sometimes, I am curious about this. As a NT (with it seems some AS traits) I can understand how one wouldn't feel grief for a person they weren't very close to, but it is more difficult for me to understand how you can not feel grief for a father, or other loved one, family member or partner/spouse. However I don't think it makes you a horrible person, I think you "process" the loss in a different way, and it possibly also depends on how close you actually were to that person emotionally, if there was really a bond or not. Not everyone feels close to their mother, father, or other family members.

Like when you say "I didn't cry over my dad's death until a year after it happened, when I really wanted him to see something I had made". I could be totally wrong, but to me it sounds as if the reality of his death occured to you emotionally at that moment, more then when he passed away, while before that moment of course you knew he was gone but it wasn't obvious that you could miss him in the future but he wouldn't be there for you anymore. For me this "moment" happens right away when a person I loved passed away, all these things go through my mind, I feel intensely and emotionally the fact that he/she won't be there anymore and that I will miss him/her in the future. Which doesn't mean that I will display my emotions right away and in public tho, for example when my mother died I cried (in private) but I didn't cry at her funeral, I am pretty sure everyone thought I was heartless.

You also mention that you cried when your rat died right away, but is it possible that you were interacting a lot more often with your rat then your dad? I know that personally I feel close to my dogs and cats, and when when one dies I feel very sad.

Shadi

I think what you are feeling is pretty normal for us - aspies.

My mum died right in front of me. My sister tried to help her, but she died very quickly.

I remember my sister turning to me and saying "don't worry, mum will be ok", and I replied "I'm not worried about her at all, she's dead. I am a little worried about you though."

Death happens, and it is sad, but that's life.

I do miss my mum, she was fun to be with.

shadi2, i think you got it wrong, it's a lot easier to cry for a pet than for your own father, because generally they're dead because you didn't care for them good enough. i had a real bond with my dad, and he still is the most important person that i have known, (up there with my kids) but the grief part is just.....i'm not sure how to express it but, the love i had with my father was not gone. he was gone. i would have been more upset if he had been suffering in the hospital. but once you're dead....you don't know you're dead! i don't know how to explain this anyway. i'm weird.