Dont feel grief over loss of loved ones

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I don't feel grief either. Generally when people die I have to fake getting upset. I generally can't cry at such occasions, but I can look sad. I don't feel grief, but I do miss them. Just not to the point of crying or getting upset, unless it's expected.

I had a friend drown almost a year ago today, my best friend called me up in tears to tell me that he had drowned. My first thought was "oh, I should probably sound upset, I hope this doesn't take long I wanted to watch some TV."

I don't really feel grief. When my grandpa died, it was in the evening and I did feel upset for a while. By the time it was fully dark I was feeling happy again. I felt a little bit sad a couple of times the next couple of days, then quit feeling sad about it altogether. That's my most recent loss and the one I grieved the most about.

Our priest died and I was upset for five or ten minutes.

My OT's pet cat died and I was sad for the whole night and the next day, and understood full well why anyone would continue to be upset. Though I personally was quick to not feel sad anymore, I would say I continued to miss him for some time. I also wished our priest hadn't died because I was used to hearing his voice on Sunday and didn't want it to be different. But the cat, I really wanted the cat because I wanted the cat. I would've been happy with a recording of the liturgy. But I still got over the cat.

My cousin died and I didn't care.

I want to point out here that I wasn't happy about any of these deaths, though I was happy for other reasons while the people around me were grieving. I didn't want them to die. My feelings BEFORE Grandpa's death were pretty normal-- didn't want him to die, didn't want him to hurt, wanted to make it better. Worried, etc. But afterward, why feel? It doesn't make sense. It's nothing I've ever felt.

I almost feel like a liar, because I offered empathy rather than sympathy to a friend whose grandfather was dying, and then died. How would I ever know how she feels? She probably knew a pain I've never known.

Hmm... I've had conversations with a close (Possibly aspie) friend of mine and I came up with a possibility to why death isn't so upsetting. I've never been close to any of my family. They could all die and I'd just think in terms of... well life is going to be harder for me now. The thing is is I've thought this made me a pretty heartless person. I'd even thought to myself "Why am I so cold?", but then I realized that I am very close and caring for my friends. If anything happened to the friend I mentioned... I'd be devastated. It has made me think now that there is something about my friends that makes me feel close to them... and there is something other people do which makes me not feel anything but logic for them.

I guess it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one like this. I also didn't feel sad when my grandmother died but I did feel really upset about the fact that I didn't feel upset so I started crying about that - about the fact that I felt so different from everyone else.

I think grief is a cultural factor as not all cultures feel such grief after the death of a loved one so I hear. That makes sense then because it is a learned behaviour that aspies jsut wouldn't have learned.

After my dad died 2 years ago...last year, I wanted to ask him a question because he pretty much knew the answer to everything logistical...and then in that moment I realized that I could not. I felt weird, stumped, but not sad...then I went online and got my answer.

I remember my sister 6 months after he died. We were at the dinner table for Christmas and she was laughing and then all the sudden froze...and started crying so hard she was shaking.
Mom tried to comfort her. She was crying so hard she could not speak. I tried my best to relate in order to comfort her, but I just felt that I was in a very awkward situation with someone I love is feeling powerful emotions that I could not feel. In a way, I was hoping this situation would resolve quicklay cause I was afraid of saying something horribly insensitive and damaging our relationship. Well I just hugged her which I dont do often and patted her on the back like mom was doing, but chose to let mom do the talking. If I said something, it would not have been the right thing.
It was just so weird...here she was feeling something so powerful that she was for the moment , mute and it seemed to possess her, but all I felt was "wow this is akward" We were side by side, but one of us was in anouther realm...not sure if it was her or me.

ohh and I want to thank everyone for sharing their stories to confirm that I am not heartless, just have AS...continue if you want to

I was brought up by my Grandparents for a while, so should have felt something when my Grandmather died, I dont even remember it but my Childrens Society records must have felt there was something strange about me as it mentions how I showed no emotion whatsoever on hearing of her death.
Then when I was 5, I can remember my mother telling me that my Grandfather died and I still felt not even sadness, yet he was the only person I ever felt really close to in a family sense.

As a grown man though, I was devistated when one of my Lovebirds died.

When I was 12, "best friend" died, i cried for a day or so, I saw no reason to go to the funeral. I was sad, as she was the only kid that ever really accepted me. friends of my aunt gave me a hamster to cheer me up, and it worked. a month later I was planning my summer and it was like she never existed. I did miss her but that's about it. I remember my mom telling friends later that i didn't really cry much, except for the day I was told.

6 months later my grandfather had a stroke, and the hamster died 2 says before he died I was soooo upset, I felt so bad, I cried for 2 days.

The day my grandfather died, my dad took me to the pet store to get a new hamster while my mom went to the hospital, when I got home my mom broke the news. I think I cried for a moment,and told my mom "good cause he's not sick anymore" that's all, I had a new hamster to tend to. I didn't even cry at the funeral, the only thing that made me cry was that my mom didn't want me bring my favorite book, she thought i would be reading it during the service. of course I then cried during the whole service, cause i couldn't read my book.

10 years later my grandmother died and I never cried. she didn't live near us and I had heard for a while she was very sick, so when my mom told me she died, I was like.. Ok. and went on continuing my computer game.

I don't know any human beings that have succumbed to death. I've cried when my insects have died. I started laughing at the death of other animals and am told I lack empathy. I know living things die, and such a change is funny to me. It is sad if you miss the thing, however.

I don't lack empathy.