I am NOT taking my medication

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I am NOT taking my medication

At work I have my off days or days when I am more hyper active. Three of my workmates are concerned that I am not taking my medication. They say that I should continue to take it.

I was even brought into private office for a chat by the member of staff I usually turn to when things are not right, second the office manager herself. They are the best of course, and it is nice to know that they have my back. I don’t take these pills because they don’t work at all, they just make me jumpy and a few other side effects, this is the same even if I try others tablets.

The member of staff, Sandra, said that mentioned something about antidepressants help the chemical imbalances that make depression. This couldn’t be farther from the truth, if anyone had a lifestyle like mine, without any romance and generally going out alone then anyone would be depressed or have a chemical inbalance. NTs are not as strong as I thought, they let small and petty things put them down, maybe lack of self worth, paranoia, or ignorance of a better way eventually destroy them.

They don’t seem like the brave solders, who know that they probably going to die, do their duties for king and country in the Great War and WW2. They just seem like Big Brother contestants.

I don’t think that they could survive my depression like this, I am so depressed most of the time I cannot even turn to drink because it would make me depressed straight away much worse.

What is the behavior you do that makes them think you should be taking your medication? I have a family member who was on antidepressants for years. When she wanted to come off the whole family had to make adjustments and cope with the withdrawal. Her behavior was very difficult at times. In fact, there were times when all of us were tempted to say, "For god sakes, just take the pills!"

Eventually my family member went off the pills with the support of a local support group. She needed alot of support to go off the pills because regular people could barely stand her behavior while she was withdrawing from them.

Maybe you could get some sort of professional support or peer group support if you want to withdraw from taking the pills. That kind of support might help you to make appropriate decisions about your medication and also give advice on how to advocate for yourself around this subject of medication with your co-workers.

This seems like you are taking the wrong antidepressant. Have a talk with your psychiatrist or doctor; tell him that not only are you still depressed, but the side effects are unmanageable; and ask to try a different antidepressant.

Sandra is partially right; but you are also correct. With depression (and I should know; I've been fighting it since childhood myself), there are often multiple causes. If you start out with a lot of circumstances--like the ones you mention--that depress you, you can get into a rut and your brain's neurotransmitters will start becoming imbalanced. Or perhaps at first it's a brain chemical imbalance; and the symptoms of depression (tired, sad, unmotivated) cause problems (socially, academically, at work or just in your personal mental life) which could have caused depression all on their own.

Basically, either circumstances or brain chemicals can get you depressed; and then the problem you haven't already got often adds itself to the picture and keeps you depressed. That's why, if you can find an antidepressant that works for you (and doesn't have side effects that make life worse instead of better), you can solve one side of the problem (the biological side) and have the energy and mental determination to solve the other side (the social/emotional/cognitive side).

None of that can happen if the meds you're taking don't work for you, though. They might take a month or so to start helping you; but if, after that, you still don't feel any better (you should feel "more normal"--not NT, just "normal for you"--if they're working), you should replace any psychiatrist who doesn't offer to try to find you some meds that work for you.

Regarding the social/emotional problems: They could be caused by depression; but they could also be the root cause of your depression. With AS, I wouldn't be surprised if the isolation you feel could have caused depression.

In any case, once those meds start working, you may have the energy to find ways around those social problems--whether it's therapy or your own research or just good friends (they exist, even though they're few and far between), there ought to be something that can help.

I'm going to be honest here: You may never completely get rid of depression. As I said, I've had problems with it since I was very young; but nowadays, with a combination of medication and my own survival strategies, I'm able to manage it. Chances are, anyone with depression is capable of at least moderate success in living with it.

I was on antidepressants before. It affected me physically, but it did nothing to help emotionally. I had very troubling side effects; I couldn't get any sleep and couldn't stop talking or pacing; while at school, I would become stricken with the thought that the building was tipping over and had to go home (it was the 6th floor); I had headaches when before I'd had none; I had blurry vision and numbness along the left side of my body. When I told my doctor, he doubled the dosage.

A couple weeks after that, I stopped. Cold turkey. Just about the worst thing you can do if you want to go off a drug.

I started having severe panic attacks and other stuff I can't get into right now, but it was awful, and I kept having the compulsion to take them--and I did. But I've been off them for some months now. So be sure to taper down--the longer you've been on them, the slower you should go.

Although my case is not typical in severity or type of reaction, antidepressants do cause an array of side effects that can be detrimental to one's physical health, depending on how one's body reacts to the drug. And I know that being overweight, a common effect of certain classes of antidepressants, does nothing to help the feeling of depression.

Having been a social outcast for much of my life until only recently, I understand how depressing it can get. The main thing is to take some course of action to try to help with whatever problems there are, like social problems. I know that when I first found myself at my new school, at which many different people who are commonly stigmatized are accepted, I felt tremendously inferior for being so awkward in conversations I could strike, feeling so unappealing to others as a potential friend or romantic interest. When I would find fault with myself for every social blunder I made, I would turn it around and look at what specifically I could've done better and make a note of things to keep in mind for later. This act that I am paving the way to progress (even if I still made the same mistakes later) made me feel like I wasn't forever chained to being a socially inept person.

Another thing that helped me was that my friends appreciated some of my quirks (mind that I say some, for while they never got mad at me for my social oddities, some things definitely got in the way of our conversations, like perseverations). I grew to understand that, while I can definitely make changes in the long run, I should still accept who I am, flaws and all, knowing that I'm no less competent than any neurotypical, even the especially socially adept ones, for I had to work for what social competence I have, whereas they didn't have to work so much.

Not that depression is something that people should be expected to just "get over" anytime soon (I hate it when people reduce the added internal difficulties I face to having as little validity as someone crying over a papercut). But, I think that, even when circumstances are absolutely out of your hands, it becomes even more necessary to believe you have control in making change. Some people do this with meds. Other people would rather not risk developing mania (a more common antidepressant effect than one might suppose) or other side effects, or for some people taking meds makes them feel more dependent than empowered. It really depends on the set of emotional and physical circumstances and what one wants.

Having a good therapist can be of tremendous help, so long as he/she is not patronizing or absolutely stupid and listens to your emotional experiences and empathizes (hence a good therapist). There are a lot of bad therapists out there, though, which I know from personal experience and that of friends and others, so if you go that route, be sure to watch for signs that he/she is incompetent before allowing the kind of trust that could leave you in very dire straits.

Also note about chemical imbalances--while there is evidence regarding the roles that neurotransmitters play in depression, keep in mind that reducing it to an "imbalance" is an oversimplification that mostly has gained popularity with drug commercials like for Zoloft. No one has done a test on you specifically and found a problem with the neurotransmitters in your brain, and from what is in your post, it seems that difficulties in your life are the primary factor in feeling depressed (even though I can't read your mind and only you can know what you think/feel).

And no matter what route you choose to take in improving how you feel, don't let anyone force anything on you, not even psychotherapy, unless you actually want to do it. (I do make the exception in my thought in case you become seriously suicidal; that would warrant some kind of outside intervention). Life can get tough, but even when it looks as if things will only get worse, believe it from someone who's been there and almost tried, things can get better. They CAN and DO.

I hope things get better for you soon.