IM CONFUSED

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I've tried 2 things out recently. 1. In college I tried just talking and not caring what anyone else thought of what I was saying in order to allow me to set my own goals and feel my own confidence with each stride i took rather have others define it for me. That was when I wasnt looking for a relationship or anything of the sort. I recently have wanted to pursue more of a relationships and have taken up caring what people think in order to try to improve how i come across BUT I come off lacking confidence and it shows to other people making them slightly more uncomfortable. I DONT GET IT THOUGH, If i dont care i can be more confident but make people less comfortable by things i say that I dont react to but if i do i come off less confident and that makes them uncomfortable.....how do you find middle ground?

wish i knew dude, but me and middle ground do not go well together.

Care about people, not what they think.

isn't that kind of contradictory?

A classic Catch-22. Darned if you do and darned if you don't.

No because if you do things for people and reach out to them to get attention it will be caring for them, but don't worry what they think about you. Besides sometimes it is contradictory if they're in denial about something.

All of this can be tricky, and I am not all that good at doing it, but yes:

Talk *to* them and not *at* them;

Talk for *their* sake as well and *not* just for one's own;

Be candid under an umbrella of "mutual vulnerability, openly shared" without appearing presumptuous, overly needy or weak;

Be prepared to "blow it" or to be completely misunderstand and to then just stop talking and sit down until next time around.

conversations are tricky pieces of scientific mixtures. i was also thinking about getting out into my community and trying to socialize, by either going to a church or some function rather. Dont know if i'll do it now, because i'm afraid the same thing is going to happen to me.

I would defintely like to be more social, but i can see where this conversation will end up.
this is why i hate having a social disability, i mean wouldnt it feel so great to hang on every word, and be able to have a nice conversation with another person? I mean i wonder what it feels like!

You have my sympathy joshandspot