Having your needs treated like they're less...

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SuperApsie
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18 Nov 2010, 1:00 pm

marshall wrote:
SuperApsie wrote:
Excellent thing that you question yourself.

Quote:
I don't like variety in what I eat. People say I'm spoiled. But what about them? They can't eat the same thing over and over again, so how come I don't have the right to call them spoiled for needing variety?

You have to take the quote in the context. Something is served and you're picky. If you choose not to eat, it will be understood that you place a greater value into your own taste rather than in the social aspect of eating what was made with effort for enjoyment.
Then it depends on the food, is that food really so alien, so special you could have a reason for hating it (fat texture, vegetarianism, unusual taste...) but if the food you have in front of you is standard. They have the right to say you are spoiled.

If you're not a "picky eater" you do not understand what it's like . It's NOT just a matter of preference. Some "standard" foods I literally have a difficult time getting down without gagging.


I know what it is, I would hate eating bugs. but I just said:

Quote:
And if he "hate" something common like spinach for instance, "you're spoiled" would be over the top. There is a pattern strong enough that the OP tried to find a coherent logic and to post in a forum to complain


I think it is more than just hating one specific kind of food. I think he's way too picky :) He'll respond to that in a way or another, I think


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kirayng
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10 Jan 2015, 8:19 am

marshall wrote:
SuperApsie wrote:
Excellent thing that you question yourself.

Quote:
I don't like variety in what I eat. People say I'm spoiled. But what about them? They can't eat the same thing over and over again, so how come I don't have the right to call them spoiled for needing variety?

You have to take the quote in the context. Something is served and you're picky. If you choose not to eat, it will be understood that you place a greater value into your own taste rather than in the social aspect of eating what was made with effort for enjoyment.
Then it depends on the food, is that food really so alien, so special you could have a reason for hating it (fat texture, vegetarianism, unusual taste...) but if the food you have in front of you is standard. They have the right to say you are spoiled.

If you're not a "picky eater" you do not understand what it's like . It's NOT just a matter of preference. Some "standard" foods I literally have a difficult time getting down without gagging.


Since it's not a matter of preference, you're not spoiled. I can't eat the thready bits of asparagus, can't stand the feeling of any fibers in my mouth from food and have strong aversions to certain food smells like blue cheese.

Tolerance for differences is much more important than social customs, in my opinion. I do feel a certain sense of fairness in that people should be able to eat what they like if they can and when there are real issues there someone shouldn't be made to feel like they're spoiled because some foods make them gag, etc.

I've seen NTs react the same way to food: one waitress at my restaurant accidentally nibbled a piece of meat that was on a supposedly veggie pizza and no one acted like she was spoiled, we understood how it must've sucked, me as an Aspie and my chef who is vegan both gave her knowing looks, etc.



WelcomeToHolland
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10 Jan 2015, 8:43 am

If you're the one cooking, you can make whatever you want, and whoever you're cooking for shouldn't complain either. But if someone else is cooking, their desire for variety trumps your desire for sameness because they're the one spending time and money making it. If the person cooking decides to take your preferences into consideration, that's nice of them, but if you feel entitled to it, that sounds spoiled to me. It's not your preferences that's spoiled- it's the expectation that others must cater to you.


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jabub
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09 Jul 2017, 11:55 am

Qi wrote:
...less than other people's needs. It's one of the most difficult things for me about having Asperger's.

Examples:

I don't like variety in what I eat. People say I'm spoiled. But what about them? They can't eat the same thing over and over again, so how come I don't have the right to call them spoiled for needing variety?

People like to socialize, and I like to pursue my own interests. If these two conflicted, they will absolutely not take into account my need to do my own stuff, since socializing is the "normal" thing to do.


Why your preferences are regarding food is nobody elses business and neither do they have a right to judge.Those who label people `spoiled` are overwhelmingly ignorant regarding sensory issues around food.Most of them utter such claptrap because your preferences are different.Different in neurotypical land equates with fear.They also negate the issue that the food industry bombards them with choice to make money money money..and all the while fattening up the population with a wealth of carbohydrate packaged junk to aid them in getting diabetes..obesity and processed food related illness.Multiple choice regarding food is a modern construction..and its to make money.Hundreds of years ago there wasnt the ridiculous over bearing amount of food choices.Man ate what he could hunt forage or pick.More choice doesnt always equate with healthy or tolerance.I wouldnt feel the need to defend yourself from ignorance.If people are cooking for you then surely as your `friend` they can take into consideration your likes and dislikes in the same way as you wouldnt offer a dish filled with nuts to a person with a nut allery??? Its a no brainer.I like this you like that.Respect individuality and choice.Both ways.



jabub
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09 Jul 2017, 12:00 pm

WelcomeToHolland wrote:
If you're the one cooking, you can make whatever you want, and whoever you're cooking for shouldn't complain either. But if someone else is cooking, their desire for variety trumps your desire for sameness because they're the one spending time and money making it. If the person cooking decides to take your preferences into consideration, that's nice of them, but if you feel entitled to it, that sounds spoiled to me. It's not your preferences that's spoiled- it's the expectation that others must cater to you.


How about the other person cater `for them` rather than to them. Seriously would you force someone with a nut allergy to eat peanuts??? But its ok to push food onto someone who has sensory problems around particular foods.Sorry but sharing a meal is supposed to be a pleasant eperience for all of those sharing it...forcing someone to eat what they physically cannot tolerate...I think they need to chill out and respect `the needs` of others and not their ego.



BirdInFlight
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09 Jul 2017, 2:36 pm

It strikes me as rather sad that people with autism challenges are being told here to basically just suck it up, regarding our needs, and yet people with religious grounds for eating or not eating certain things are graciously and readily accommodated, people with physical disabilities are readily catered to and things adjusted for them (rightly so), etc etc etc.

There are many examples of someone with something "different" about them from the people around them, be it vegetarianism, to not being able to eat non-Halal food, to being in a wheelchair -- and the world DOES "change for them" without having to call them "spoiled."

Yet once again the poor old Aspie is being told "the world isn't going to change for you."

Gee thanks. Do continue completely disregarding our sensory issues, need for routine, deep anxiety at unexpected challenges, etc.

Sometimes a need is so small and easy to accommodate that one wonders why it's always US who have to accept people basically telling us "F**k your needs."

I've lived my whole life being so ashamed and confused by my "needs" regarding these things, that I HAVE sucked it up, gone with what caused the least waves, all to my own detriment. And by now, I'm sick of it. Why should I have to go on being ignored in everything? Even a friend turns the music up loud in his car and basically I have to tell MY needs to f**k off and die.