Choosing your changes

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This is my 1000th post. It only took me two years… I just find opening up and sharing difficult, so I’ve done more lurking than posting. I wanted to make this post somewhat meaningful, so here goes…

A lot has happened in the past two years. The most significant things were:
* Discovering AS (what it was, and that I thought I had it).
* Having a bit of a breakdown several weeks after discovering AS. I became manic (according to the doctors) a few days after the AS discovery. I eventually ended up being admitted to a mental hospital for a week (first and only time in my life).
* Returning to my normal life and seeing many things with a changed perspective.
* Receiving an AS diagnosis.
* All the people on my team at work were laid off or left the company; leaving me with a significant increase in responsibility.
* My entire small group of friends moved away.

None of these changes were planned or expected. All of the above actually happened in one year (2009). I’ve spent the past year kind of hiding out. I’ve been playing World of Warcraft quite excessively. I think I just needed to not think about some of my current circumstances (like that now I basically don’t have ANY friends or loved ones within 500 miles of me, and that I cannot move because I own a condo that isn’t worth what I owe anymore).

I basically wasted 10 years of my life obsessively playing video games prior to discovering AS. I broke free from that pattern for the first year after discovering AS. After I finished researching and analyzing to the point I was confident I found an explanation… for so many things, and received a diagnosis to confirm it, I went back to my old ways. I don’t want to waste more years of my life, so now I’m trying to motivate myself to initiate some changes.

I’ve applied for a new position inside my company doing quality assurance testing (software). I’ll be working with group of people I don’t know. This is one of the few options for advancements outside of management (no thanks) available, and I’ve just decided I NEED to go for it; no matter the uncertainties and risks.

I’m also trying to address some of my adaptive skill deficits. I’m scheduling chores for myself, so my place doesn’t look like a pig sty. It’s something I’ve always struggled with… because there is always something more interesting to be doing. But, I need to make this change.

I don’t know if this post really makes that much sense. I guess I just wanted to share where I’m at. It seems like many of us go through different stages after discovering AS and how is applies/impacts us. I think I’m approaching an “ok, so what now” stage. I want to make positive changes now that I understand myself better. I’m hopeful that now that I do understand myself better, that I can use this to my advantage… and choose some changes that will get me closer to being where/who I want to be; instead of simply reacting and dreading what may be around the next turn.

Anyways… Please respond if you can relate to my situation… or about a positive change you’ve initiated for yourself.

Thanks,

J0sh

I've chose my changes last year. I've gone from being a green haired monster back to my Mod routes to being myself. I've found my role model, and this is the way that I'm going to stay.

Hey man, good for you. Good luck with it. I hope you find the resources within yourself to make the positive changes you desire.

I make changes to myself all the time. I have some perennial problems, but I work with or around them.

Thank you for your replies Cockney and Moog. I hope you're both successful in your own goals/changes/etc.

Hi J0sh, you've really been through it but your strength and positivity is amazing. It takes a lot to move outside your comfort zone but fair play to you for going for it.

I can offer you a small bit of advice when it comes to keeping your place clean. I'm naturally a bit of a slob too although my house is basically clean and orderly now because I make sure I don't let things slip and always tidy up after me no matter how small the mess and incorporate cleaning into my routine, doing a bit each day or every other day so it doesn't feel overwhelming. Music definitely helps - I like to put some 80's stuff on so I can pretend I'm in a makeover montage sequence from a John Hughes film

In terms of making friends, so never know what the people you'll be working with will be like, there might be one or two there that you get along with. If not, are there any people from WoW near you that you can meet up with in the real world?

Thank you.


Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. Have one set chore for each day of the week, and try to not let things build-up.


One of my acquaintances from work plays. We're friends, but not very close. He's married with kids and most of him time is spent doing family thing (witch is understandable).

To improve my chances of meeting new friends, I've been trying to not pass on social invitations. A few weeks ago, I went to a going away party for a woman at work. It was at a local restaurant that gets REALLY loud (like I can't hear what the person across from me is saying, because everyone is practically shouting + the place echos). Luckily the group reserved the outside tables and noise wasn't much of an issue. I didn't talk much, but at least I went.

Go to the work things, or anything else you get invited too that you genuinely feel you'd enjoy (once you get over the worry of it being a social thing, I know where you're coming from with this because I get it too and can so easily talk myself out of things). If you're not enjoying it, you can always leave but if you never go in the first place you'll never know.

There have been more times than I can count when I was getting panicky about going to a party or gathering, had all but convinced myself not to, then decided I wasn't going to let nerves get the better of me and went. Almost always ended up having a great night, meeting some cool people and even if I didn't make any solid friends, felt much better for doing so and got some good practice in for the next time.

I have been trying but finding support for adults with AS and that takes your insurance is difficult but I have found a couple of support groups that help with the social aspects and a new friend who I have gotten very close to that helps quite a bit.

I've been attending an AS support group for the past year. I guess I should probably consider the members friends. None of us contact each other out side of group though... so we're probably just acquaintances. We do have a good time though, and I look forward to group (witch happens to be tonight).

Hi J0sh

I also lost about 10 years of my life playing online games, I had a great time tho. I still like online games but I haven't played any in over a year, instead I work on websites etc. Some of my online friends ask me to go play but I am afraid if I go back I will end up playing too much again. Also my family (other then my husband and stepson) are all very far away, in a different country.

I'm sorry you had to go through so many changes within a year, it is not easy, but at the same time I admire your courage and how you are making changes in your life despite difficult times.

I want to tell you thank you for sharing a little bit of your life with us, you may not have shared as much about your own life before, but you sure give great advices, it is people like you who make this site great.

You may not remember, but I will tell you anyway lol, I still haven't told my husband anything, nor my stepson, eventually I probably will but for now I still don't feel it is the right moment, I don't feel ready to face the possible denial from my husband among other things, I don't feel like arguing about it, but if I can find the courage to tell him tho it would help him understand his son a lot more.

But in the mean time I learned a lot about myself as well, and realised I too have some autism/AS traits, even more then NT traits, I have had many mini "eureka" moments about myself too now, it made me realise that most of my issues were not just in my head and easy to fix and I was just stupid for not being able to fix them. I am really glad I found this website and I feel at home here.

Anyway I better stop here, and wish you good luck for the future and I hope to see you around

Shadi

Thank you Shadi2.

I'm sure the right moment will present itself; regarding talking to your husband about your stepson possibly/probably having AS. Please let me know how it goes when you do.

It's interesting that you have some AS traits yourself. I was wondering how you were able to understand your stepson so well.

The one group I go to is meeting tonight too.