my only "friend" has asked me to lie for her - hel

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D has been my friend for 16 yrs, on & off - but for the last few years mostly "ON". She was very supportive during my divorce and I have tried to be supportive to her as she has health issues. When she needed me to fill out forms to collect disability payments, I did. I was a bit uncomfortable because I don't feel she answered some of the questions honestly - but who am I to know how much pain she's in or how difficult it is for her to do the things she does? I did what I was asked to do - I filled in the forms with her answers. She needs to "re-certify" to continue to receive Medicaid benefits and has asked me to lie and tell Medicaid (in a signed statement) that I loaned her money to pay her bills, when in fact, she has worked part time/under the table and gotten money from her elderly mother. I don't want to lose her friendship, but I don't want to do it. I am dating a man who could be collecting disability and should be receiving Medicaid. He would never even think to ask anyone to lie for him so he could collect benefits. Any advice on how to handle this situation? I don't want to lose her friendship, but I have felt all along that she should be working to support herself if she is able to.

yeah, that's a federal crime. lying. sounds harsh, perhaps, but people like that ruin things for others, who do really need that money.

I would have to say no. If she IS your friend, it will make no difference. If she is NOT - there is your answer.

Friends may or may not let friends drive drunk, but friends do not ask friends to violate their conscience.

Yeah, that would be a felony. Don't do that! You can be honest with her. If she's your friend she'll understand. If she gets angry at you she's not your friend anyway and you've been mistaken all this time. If you were to be audited and found to have committed fraud you could go to prison, be fined tons of money and lose your right to vote. I'd imagine that your sworn statement that would allow her to receive benefits would automatically raise a red flag for the IRS so that it would be more likely that you'd be audited.

I don't see where the benefit is for anyone should you lie. Really, your integrity is more important than this woman's dubious friendship.

Thanks for your input - which all supports what I know is right. It gives me the strength to do the right thing. I think my biggest fear is finding out that I HAVE been mistaken about our friendship all this time. That's happened to me plenty of times before. I guess I'll find out!

I am "new" to AS. I have been reluctant to post because I thought my post would probably be ignored- as seems to be the case on most forums I join. I find everyone's straightforward honesty to be refreshing and consider it to be a very positive trait. Thank you!

Don't do it. Whatever else you decide to do, do not lie in this way for her. There are some lies that one should think about telling to help a friend, this isn't one of them.

Nothing more to add. Integrity ... pass it on.

You will recognize your true friends when they will still be here when you are in trouble.

You already lied for her, you have already been dishonest, you have already broken your integrity and already commit a federal crime. Being a friend is being there on the hard times.
Is she doing an obvious fraud? What is your current responsibility in the documents you filled? Is it just about money you supposedly lent to her? Is she doing it just for the comfort or would she live a miserable life without Medicaid?

If she is dishonest just for the money, I agree with the other. If she can't afford the medicine otherwise... It's your decision to make

SuperAspie, I don't believe I have compromised my integrity by recording her answers to questions about her disability. Only she knows the level of her pain, her capabilities and her limitations. I have a very hard time determining when others are in pain. She is 45 yrs old, has been in 2 serious auto accidents and suffered a pretty serious head injury in the most recent crash. She has been collecting Worker Compensation for an injury to her shoulder years ago. She received a settlement for a dog bite that damaged nerves in her hand. She also has Graves Disease and costochondritis (spelling?) which causes painful swelling of cartilage of the ribcage. She is in therapy - at my urging. The "diagnosis" is adjustment disorder, which I don't think is accurate. She suffered quite a spell of depression and has problems with anxiety. She has chronic pain and is undergoing "pain management", which according to her, doesn't give her much relief.

She has done odd jobs for a friends under the table when she felt up to it because what she was collecting from worker comp wasn't enough to pay her bills, and I'm sure her mother has helped her out financially. She has 2 sons in Iraq, tries to care for her 86 yr old mother who lives next door, and is facing foreclosure on her own home on top of everything else. She needs the Medicaid. She is entitled to Medicaid, but she needs to explain how she's been surviving. But I don't want to be the explanation. I just hope she understands.