Favorite tv and movie quotes

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What are your favorite tv and movie quotes?
Here are some of mine from UHF:
*George Newman: "Now here's one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner. WHO MOCKS HIM AND LAUGHS AT HIM AS HE IS REPEATEDLY CRUSHED AND MAIMED! HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!
*announcer on a commercial for _Gandhi II_: "No more Mr. Passive-Resistance. He's out to kick some butt!"
*jingle for Spatula City: "Spatula City! We sell spatulas, and that's all!"
*(George Newman is looking through Al Capone's glove compartment.)George Newman: "A-ha! Road Maps!"
*(Bob tells George he's never worked on a TV station)George Newman: "It's just like working in a fish market. Except you don't clean and gutt fish all day."
*Philo the engineer: "Hello, my name is Philo. And welcome to: (echos) SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE! Today, we're going to learn to make plutonium from common household objects."
*Library patron: "I need a book on astronomy."
Conan the Librarian: (read like an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression) "Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?"
*(While watching _Raul's Wild Kingdom_)
Bob: "Where'd we find this guy?
George: "I thought you hired him."

John McClane: Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er!

I couldn't wait till I was old enough to say that without getting b***h slapped.

"I don't hate Balboa. But I pity the fool!"
I couldn't resist. I giggle every time I hear that quote.

I like to say "I see dead people" and "I'll never tell", I forgot what movie the I'll never tell was from, but she kinda sang it. I only saw the commercial. I like yelling at my husband when he's in another room, "Hernando.Hernando, Hernando!" and he'll yell, "What" and then I'll run to him and whisper, "I see dead people" He's never been amused by that.

"I see dead people" is what Haley Joel Osment's character in _The Sixth Sense_.

f**k you, pay me - Goodfellas
You only exist out here because of me! THATS THE ONLY REASON! WITHOUT ME, YOU, Personally, every wiseguy still around would take a piece out of your jew ass! THEN WHERE YA GONNA GO? - Casino
"YOU shoulda learn your place on the basketball court........ NOW SAY GOODNIGHT"- American history X
"Why do I have to be Mr. Pink? CAUSE YOU'RE A FAG"(Resevoir dogs)
"You're killing me smalls"(the sandlot)
"What're you gonna do, BLEED ON ME?" - Monty python and the quest for the holy grail
"What the f**k's the grandfather doing?"(Eddie Izzard Dressed to kill)
"CAKE OR DEATH"(Eddie izzard dressed to kill)
"WHo is your daddy, and what does he do?"(Kindergarten cop)
"MY NAME IS INEGO MONTOYA, YOU KILLED MY FATHER. PREPARE TO DIE!"(Princess Bride)

There's a lot more but Im not home so I can't even begin to list some off them cause I need to see the movie title to be able to quote the movie.

Oh I forgot this one from Undersiege 2.

Travis Dane: Yeah, I'm gonna shock the world by spreading ca-ca all over the place. Guangzhou is a chemical weapons plant masquerading as a fertilizer plant. We know this. The Chinese know that we know. But we make-believe that we don't know and the Chinese make-believe that they believe that we don't know, but know that we know. Everybody knows.

Batman (the Michael Keaton one):
*Joker: "Ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight? I always ask that of all my prey. I just like the sound of it."
*Alexander Knox (the obnoxious reporter): "Lieutenant, is there a 6 foot bat in Gotham City? And if so, is he on the police payroll? And if so, what's he pulling down, after taxes?"
*Bruce Wayne: "My life is really...complex" (that's an understatement, huh?)
*Joker: (after Batman destroys his Smilex-gas filled balloons) "Why didn't someone tell me he had one of those things? Bob--gun. (shoots Bob)"
*Joker: (during his last fight with Batman) "You made me! You dropped in that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over. And don't think that I didn't try."

Your an errant boy, sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill
Marlon Brando in Apoclypse Now

You want the truth! You can't handle the truth!
Jack Nickelson in a Few Good Men

Say Hello to My Little Friend
Al Pacino in Scarface

those are all i can think of right now

Another from Scarface "Why don't you stick your head up your a$$ and see if it fits"

Dumb & Dumber- "Yeah, I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention"

Fargo- " You know it's been proven that second-hand smoke is, uh, carcin...uh you know, cancer related''

GodfatherII- "I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb. I'm smart and I want respect!''

Slingblade- "I don't understand",
"Exactly my point, my young level-headed friend'',
"I don't get it",
"Well, I rest my case"

"Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-crunching nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is a... is an empty box... filled with useless, brown paper wrappers."
--Cigarette Smoking Man

From The X-Files episode 'Musing of a Cigarette Smoking Man'

From "A League of Their Own"

Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying. There's no crying in baseball. My coach called me a pile of pig s**t, and that was when my parents came all the way from Michigan to see me play. And did I cry? No. You want to know why? Because there's no crying in baseball. There's no crying in baseball. NO CRYING!


From "Robot Chicken"

I must have passed out from the strain of pushing that enormous log out of my butt. Did my dookie fumes clear out the bakery?

From "Airplane!"

Surely you can't be serious?
I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.

Give me Hamm on 5, hold the mayo.

I picked the wrong time to quit smoking.
I picked the wrong time to quit drinking.
I picked the wrong time to quit sniffing glue.

From "Bend it Like Beckham"

You have a daughter with breasts, not a son.

From "Blazing Saddles"

Excuse me while I whip this out.

from Fightclub
Norton's Character
"When people think your dying, they really, really listen to you instead of just...''
Marla " Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.''


"did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm''

" No, I did not know that , is that true?''

"Thats right, one can make all kinds of explosives using simple household items.''

"Really''

"If one were so inclined''

"I'm not supposed to be here!" -Dante in clerks

"My Girlfriend sucked 37 dicks...-Dante
"In a row?"-Random customer~ Clerks


What about love?-Keaunu Reeves


Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate. -Al Pacino ~ The Devil's Advocate