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hale_bopp
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29 Nov 2010, 1:27 am

People do whats best for them. Many girls aren't going to risk backlash from a guy by being direct. They don't care if it hurts the guy because he doesn't stop pursuing her. They just don't want a scene.

I know it sucks but you can't change it. I tend to be blunt only if they don't get VERY obvious hints I give them.

Here are some examples of obvious hints that some here may find useful: I'm not saying I do any of these but they are common ones:

If a girl talks about her boyfriend in front of you, she does not want to date you
If a girl talks about guys she likes in front of you, she does not want to date you
If a girl comes up with continuous excuses, she does not want to date you
If a girl says "I'm not ready for a relationship" "I don't want relationships atm" she does not want to date you. She will not change her mind when she is ready.

One I have used is when a guy would moan to me about how he wants a GF I would suggest some good dating websites.
I used that on an aspie guy and he still didn't get the message so I said "I'm really sorry but I'm not interested in dating you but I hope you find someone soon" I got so much flak and crap from it I had to go to the police.



CrinklyCrustacean
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29 Nov 2010, 1:38 am

hale_bopp wrote:
They don't care if it hurts the guy.


It has been said here many times before (by girls) that girls not wanting to hurt the guy is the very reason they aren't direct.

Quote:
Here are some examples of obvious hints that some here may find useful: I'm not saying I do any of these but they are common ones:

If a girl talks about her boyfriend in front of you, she does not want to date you
If a girl talks about guys she likes in front of you, she does not want to date you


As I said: clear but not unkind. These are fine. :)

Quote:
One I have used is when a guy would moan to me about how he wants a GF I would suggest some good dating websites.
I used that on an aspie guy and he still didn't get the message so I said "I'm really sorry but I'm not interested in dating you but I hope you find someone soon" I got so much flak and crap from it I had to go to the police.

8O 8O
Moaning about not having a GF isn't what I'd call a date request but giving you flack like that is ridiculous.



TheMinnesotaIceman
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29 Nov 2010, 2:22 am

hale_bopp wrote:
By letting people go the way they do, women are potentially avoiding a dangerous situation.


Exactly.



hale_bopp
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29 Nov 2010, 3:05 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Moaning about not having a GF isn't what I'd call a date request but giving you flack like that is ridiculous.


It depends on the circumstances, and yes, it is ridiculous. The cops basically said he has no life.



Wombat
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29 Nov 2010, 6:49 am

[quote="hale_bopp"]People do whats best for them. Many girls aren't going to risk backlash from a guy by being direct. They don't care if it hurts the guy because he doesn't stop pursuing her. They just don't want a scene./quote]

Hale Bopp, lets face it. Girls go for the "Alpha Male", the "bad boy", the "Tall dark and hansom lover"

If a "good boy" falls on his knees with a bunch of flowers you will reject him as a loser.

If a "bad boy" grabs you and throws you onto the back of his horse to drag you back to his castle then that is romantic.



hyperlexian
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29 Nov 2010, 9:38 am

Wombat wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
People do whats best for them. Many girls aren't going to risk backlash from a guy by being direct. They don't care if it hurts the guy because he doesn't stop pursuing her. They just don't want a scene.


Hale Bopp, lets face it. Girls go for the "Alpha Male", the "bad boy", the "Tall dark and hansom lover"

If a "good boy" falls on his knees with a bunch of flowers you will reject him as a loser.

If a "bad boy" grabs you and throws you onto the back of his horse to drag you back to his castle then that is romantic.

a girl being trying to be nice to a boy has nothing to do with "good boys" and "bad boys".


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hale_bopp
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29 Nov 2010, 1:00 pm

Wombat wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
People do whats best for them. Many girls aren't going to risk backlash from a guy by being direct. They don't care if it hurts the guy because he doesn't stop pursuing her. They just don't want a scene./quote]

Hale Bopp, lets face it. Girls go for the "Alpha Male", the "bad boy", the "Tall dark and hansom lover"

If a "good boy" falls on his knees with a bunch of flowers you will reject him as a loser.

If a "bad boy" grabs you and throws you onto the back of his horse to drag you back to his castle then that is romantic.


I've got no idea why you pulled up this argument. I'm not even going to answer as i've said my opinion on "bad boys" before.



billsmithglendale
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29 Nov 2010, 2:06 pm

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Chronos wrote:
OddballBen wrote:
So there's this girl that I like at school, we talk all the time, and she answers all my questions instead of just telling me to go away or something. I really put some effort into getting to know her, and then I asked her out to the movies. At first she said yes, but then she canceled at the last minute, saying she had to visit a friend in the hospital. I aksed her out a few more times, but there's always some sort of schedule conflict with her: work, studying, reports, friends. She never outright says no, but I'm wondering if I should take a hint.

I don't even know if she knows that I'm asking her out on a date, and not just as friends (I don't know if she considers me a friend, I haven't known her for more than a few months)

I've tried outright asking her whether or not she'd be interested if there weren't any schedule conflicts, but her answers leave room for interpretation and I don't usually think at the time to ask her to clarify.

This is my first attempt at asking a girl out, and I really don't know what I'm doing. Any advice would be appreciated.


I think she is not interested and you should turn your interests to another girl, but I commend you for having the bravery to ask her out.


If so, why she didn't say, "Sorry, I don't feel that way about you"? He'd know where he stood, and it doesn't insult him. He's going to work it out sooner or later anyway. Why drag out the pain by being ambiguous?


Because what seems logical to Aspies isn't how it works in the NT world, esp. for NT women. Women are seldom that direct, for various reasons (some of them very good ones). Instead, she is being subtle and asking the OP to get the hint -- no thanks!