[edit] more I'M ruining our relationship, not him.

Page 8 of 10 [ 146 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next

TheWeirdPig
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Aug 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 403
Location: Minnesota

03 Dec 2010, 1:02 pm

cmjust0 wrote:
emlion wrote:
I tend to blame a lot of things I do, on my past.
I think I do this less now - those things happened but I don't have to let them influence me anymore.


It's great to have an understanding of why may be inclined to do the things we do, but the key is figuring out what to do with that knowledge; we can either use it to excuse ourselves for our behavior, or we can use it to help us stop repeating the behavior.

It sounds to me like you used to use your past as an excuse, but you're trying to get away from that...good for you! Now you can proceed a step further and use your knowledge of your past to figure out your "triggers," and once you identify your triggers, you'll begin to be able to see them coming in advance -- while you're still in control of yourself. At that point, you can actually begin to *avoid* doing things you wish you didn't do!

:)


Our feeling often come from our past, and we often base our actions on our feelings (just kick me in the ass if I'm coming off as a know-it-all here). In other words, we are compelled to act in ways dictated by our past and without putting much thought into it. Our actions are based on the feeling we feel the strongest at the moment rather than what will get us the best outcome. In other words, we don't think.

Acting on our feelings is ok IF we are in a genuinely dangerous place and the feeling is a feeling of danger. But when we are in a place where we are safe and we are still feeling that feeling of danger, we need to question why we are feeling that way. We are probably feeling that way because it's how he felt in the past. However, that feeling has no real relivance to the current or future situation, so why act on the feelign from the past.

Yet often the compulsion is to act on the feeling.

Ah, but yes, it is that slowing down and thinking when we have the strong feeling and become compelled to act that is so much easier so say than it is really to do . . .



TheWeirdPig
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Aug 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 403
Location: Minnesota

03 Dec 2010, 1:05 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I love mini things too. always have. When I was a kid had a tiny pack of cards.


Mini doughnuts absolutely rock!



Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

03 Dec 2010, 1:25 pm

emlion wrote:
haha; well i don't like mini things in a guy. :wink:


Well...it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean. Some guys have battleships, others have motorboats. Both are effective with the right captain. :wink:



HopeGrows
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

03 Dec 2010, 3:02 pm

Erisad wrote:
emlion wrote:
haha; well i don't like mini things in a guy. :wink:


Well...it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean. Some guys have battleships, others have motorboats. Both are effective with the right captain. :wink:


I think our little @Erisad has a bit of the naughty in her. ;) Keep it up (figuratively and literally).

I agree with you. Considering that 70% of women need more than penetration in order to orgasm, being with a well-endowed guy is really not all its cracked up to be. Too many of them think all they have to do is drop their pants and yell, "Come and get it!" Boo!


_________________
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...


Sallamandrina
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,590

03 Dec 2010, 5:43 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
Erisad wrote:
emlion wrote:
haha; well i don't like mini things in a guy. :wink:


Well...it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean. Some guys have battleships, others have motorboats. Both are effective with the right captain. :wink:


I think our little @Erisad has a bit of the naughty in her. ;) Keep it up (figuratively and literally).

I agree with you. Considering that 70% of women need more than penetration in order to orgasm, being with a well-endowed guy is really not all its cracked up to be. Too many of them think all they have to do is drop their pants and yell, "Come and get it!" Boo!


Erisad, I'm impressed - you might be a beginner, but girl, you're a fast learner!

Hope, holy fook that image will haunt me Image (now I have to convince my husband to do that :lmao:)


_________________
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" (Oscar Wilde)


emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

04 Dec 2010, 9:00 am

Little update: Issues are being resolved slowly.
OT: He took me shooting this morning; so awesomeee. :D



ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

04 Dec 2010, 9:48 am

HopeGrows wrote:
What @cmjust0 has discussed in this thread is the process of healing - and it not only involves facing the pain inflicted upon you, but taking responsibility for the pain you've caused (as well as learning new, functional ways to live and relate to people). That's hard work, and it takes time. People say all the time, "Oh, I've changed." Simple way to confirm that: have they taken responsibility for what they've done? Have they made amends to those they've harmed? If those things haven't happened, the "change" is all talk.


I did all that and more when I was in my last relationship, and I still couldn't save it. I put forth as much as I could... I know that I'm not anywhere near perfect, and have to put a greater effort forward to make things work. Why then did it still fail? My ex was acting much in the way of the OP (except there hadnt been any sex involved as of that point, or in any of the relationship), but then after I did what I could to clean up my own act, she still pulled away and the relationship sunk.



emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

04 Dec 2010, 9:53 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
What @cmjust0 has discussed in this thread is the process of healing - and it not only involves facing the pain inflicted upon you, but taking responsibility for the pain you've caused (as well as learning new, functional ways to live and relate to people). That's hard work, and it takes time. People say all the time, "Oh, I've changed." Simple way to confirm that: have they taken responsibility for what they've done? Have they made amends to those they've harmed? If those things haven't happened, the "change" is all talk.


I did all that and more when I was in my last relationship, and I still couldn't save it. I put forth as much as I could... I know that I'm not anywhere near perfect, and have to put a greater effort forward to make things work. Why then did it still fail? My ex was acting much in the way of the OP (except there hadnt been any sex involved as of that point, or in any of the relationship), but then after I did what I could to clean up my own act, she still pulled away and the relationship sunk.


I hope I don't go the same way as your ex. But, I am workijng towards fixing things, or attempting to, with the people i've hurt instead of saying 'well it wasn't too bad.' or 'they hurt me too.' - none of those are important, i'm in control of my own actions and have to take responsibility for what i've done, if they don't also accept what they've done to me - that's out of my control, i think. But, I have already fixed one relationship with someone I unintentionally hurt deeply by finally telling them that I know I did wrong, and it wasn't their fault and things of that nature. So, I think that's improvement?



HopeGrows
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

04 Dec 2010, 2:00 pm

Sallamandrina wrote:
Hope, holy fook that image will haunt me Image (now I have to convince my husband to do that :lmao:)


You can convince your husband to do that, eh? You lucky, lucky girl! :wink:


_________________
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...


HopeGrows
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

04 Dec 2010, 2:03 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
What @cmjust0 has discussed in this thread is the process of healing - and it not only involves facing the pain inflicted upon you, but taking responsibility for the pain you've caused (as well as learning new, functional ways to live and relate to people). That's hard work, and it takes time. People say all the time, "Oh, I've changed." Simple way to confirm that: have they taken responsibility for what they've done? Have they made amends to those they've harmed? If those things haven't happened, the "change" is all talk.


I did all that and more when I was in my last relationship, and I still couldn't save it. I put forth as much as I could... I know that I'm not anywhere near perfect, and have to put a greater effort forward to make things work. Why then did it still fail? My ex was acting much in the way of the OP (except there hadnt been any sex involved as of that point, or in any of the relationship), but then after I did what I could to clean up my own act, she still pulled away and the relationship sunk.


@Toad, the simple answer is that it takes two. I know that can be frustrating, but it's not up to one person to make a relationship viable. That is beyond the capabilities of one person. When you have two partners who are equally committed to making the relationship succeed, it will succeed. When you only have one partner who's willing to do the work - that's never going to work. Hopefully you'll meet a nice young lady who's willing to meet you half-way.


_________________
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...


RICKY5
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,201

04 Dec 2010, 3:56 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
What @cmjust0 has discussed in this thread is the process of healing - and it not only involves facing the pain inflicted upon you, but taking responsibility for the pain you've caused (as well as learning new, functional ways to live and relate to people). That's hard work, and it takes time. People say all the time, "Oh, I've changed." Simple way to confirm that: have they taken responsibility for what they've done? Have they made amends to those they've harmed? If those things haven't happened, the "change" is all talk.


I did all that and more when I was in my last relationship, and I still couldn't save it. I put forth as much as I could... I know that I'm not anywhere near perfect, and have to put a greater effort forward to make things work. Why then did it still fail? My ex was acting much in the way of the OP (except there hadnt been any sex involved as of that point, or in any of the relationship), but then after I did what I could to clean up my own act, she still pulled away and the relationship sunk.


Simple. She got bored.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,926
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

04 Dec 2010, 5:14 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
What @cmjust0 has discussed in this thread is the process of healing - and it not only involves facing the pain inflicted upon you, but taking responsibility for the pain you've caused (as well as learning new, functional ways to live and relate to people). That's hard work, and it takes time. People say all the time, "Oh, I've changed." Simple way to confirm that: have they taken responsibility for what they've done? Have they made amends to those they've harmed? If those things haven't happened, the "change" is all talk.


I did all that and more when I was in my last relationship, and I still couldn't save it. I put forth as much as I could... I know that I'm not anywhere near perfect, and have to put a greater effort forward to make things work. Why then did it still fail? My ex was acting much in the way of the OP (except there hadnt been any sex involved as of that point, or in any of the relationship), but then after I did what I could to clean up my own act, she still pulled away and the relationship sunk.


Simple. She got bored.


Been there, done that. My wife knew early on she wouldn't be getting action/adventure/romance with me 24/7. In a lot of ways, our lives are mundane and boring. It's a good thing our relationship is founded on more than that. If she gets bored with you and THAT'S her basis for exiting the relationship, you don't need that.



Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

05 Dec 2010, 12:43 am

HopeGrows wrote:
Erisad wrote:
emlion wrote:
haha; well i don't like mini things in a guy. :wink:


Well...it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean. Some guys have battleships, others have motorboats. Both are effective with the right captain. :wink:


I think our little @Erisad has a bit of the naughty in her. ;) Keep it up (figuratively and literally).

I agree with you. Considering that 70% of women need more than penetration in order to orgasm, being with a well-endowed guy is really not all its cracked up to be. Too many of them think all they have to do is drop their pants and yell, "Come and get it!" Boo!


I doooooo. Hell, I just got back from a sleepover at his house. I would be there again but I have homework to do. Stupid responsibility mumble grumble.

It's true! Not to mention it would probably hurt more with a bigger one. Trying to keep this family friendly since we're not in the Adult forum. >.<

Sallamandrina - That's what the bf tells me. Not to mention I've done some reading on my own. ^.~



RICKY5
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,201

05 Dec 2010, 2:43 am

Erisad wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
Erisad wrote:
emlion wrote:
haha; well i don't like mini things in a guy. :wink:


Well...it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean. Some guys have battleships, others have motorboats. Both are effective with the right captain. :wink:


I think our little @Erisad has a bit of the naughty in her. ;) Keep it up (figuratively and literally).

I agree with you. Considering that 70% of women need more than penetration in order to orgasm, being with a well-endowed guy is really not all its cracked up to be. Too many of them think all they have to do is drop their pants and yell, "Come and get it!" Boo!


I doooooo. Hell, I just got back from a sleepover at his house. I would be there again but I have homework to do. Stupid responsibility mumble grumble.

It's true! Not to mention it would probably hurt more with a bigger one. Trying to keep this family friendly since we're not in the Adult forum. >.<

Sallamandrina - That's what the bf tells me. Not to mention I've done some reading on my own. ^.~


Erisad,

You are becoming a lusty, randy, ribald, sex fiend...

and for that....

I SALUTE YOU! :D



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

05 Dec 2010, 3:21 am

I don't get what the appeal is with a long penis. Its more about the width.