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LadybugQ
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01 Dec 2010, 9:19 pm

I met a man fifteen years my junior at "autisticdating.net". He currently resides in Sweden, with the probability of returning to the US in Spring of next year. We have initiated communication by way of email and a once-weekly phone call. We used to communicate via email two or three times a day. Now, I'm lucky if I get one email every other day!

Given our age difference and that we are both Aspies, plus my (unfortunate) tendency to overlay the Neurotypical mindset concerning romance, I have no idea if I should just let the communication slips roll off my back like a duck's back with water, or do I learn from the hindsight of having been the junior at one point in my life and break things off before even more stupidity is committed and follow the adage of "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"?

Thanks for reading.


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hyperlexian
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01 Dec 2010, 9:33 pm

can you fill me in on what kind of communication slips or stupidity is concerned? is it just that he doesn't communicate often or is there more than that going on?


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LadybugQ
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01 Dec 2010, 10:03 pm

Yeah, it's that he doesn't communicate often. He's told me that working at his dad's company requires him to drive a lot, which is cool with me!, I just wish he would let me know when he won't be in touch!

The stupidity I am thinking of is, like I said, putting an overlay of what I perceive to be "regular" romantic thinking and bash myself repeatedly for trying to think like an NT in what is very clearly NOT an NT relationship and yet I want to act like it is.


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hyperlexian
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01 Dec 2010, 10:09 pm

i dunno. i expect fairly regular communication from my man, but we might be unusual that way. we will often text or email throughout the day, and we also see each other at night because we live together. i seem to need a lot of attention, and he is an NT who is willing to fulfill that for me.

if you are happy with a lower level of communication, then there is nothing wrong with it, but if you are unhappy then i hope he understands that. it makes sense that you also want him to let you know when it will dry up though. are you worried that his feelings are fading because you are so far away?

(i think the age difference is usually pretty irrelevant.)


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LadybugQ
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01 Dec 2010, 10:18 pm

Would it be bitchy to let him know that I need him to pick up on the emails?


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01 Dec 2010, 10:22 pm

LadybugQ wrote:
Would it be bitchy to let him know that I need him to pick up on the emails?

not at all bitchy. i think it's fine to want to have that from him, and to expect that. it is not at all unreasonable to me. in my relationship, we are often telling each other when we want more or less of something. otherwise we would never get our needs met at all.


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LadybugQ
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01 Dec 2010, 10:25 pm

Excellent point! Thank you for the reminder about meeting needs, and thank you very much for your help!


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01 Dec 2010, 10:47 pm

no problem, and i hope it works out!


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Mackica
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02 Dec 2010, 1:31 am

Long distance relationships are very very difficult.My ex moved back and forth 3,000 miles away several times,eventually moving back for good two years ago.It's very hard to go through things by yourself but still be in a relationship.I do not recommend it to anyone.