Anyone else get anxious over minor things in relationships?

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Okay, so maybe "frantic" would be a more suitable word than "anxious." My somewhat new boyfriend is a reasonable, logical, intelligent perosn who for the most part seems to have the warmest regard and care for me. Nonetheless, I do not like it when things are unpredictable.

In other words I don't like days he doesn't text me at the times he normally does. (We live in different towns, so only see each other in person during the weekends). Of course I don't TELL him when to text me because being perceived as needy is detrimental. I just end up crying by myself a whole bunch, and sometimes calling my friends and family and making them all bewildered. This happens maybe once every two weeks or so.

I have a history of these kinds of responses during relationships, and I have become more self-aware and am better at soothing myself/trying to be reasonable than I was in the past. Also, I am better at concealing my out-of-proportion responses from my unsuspecting significant other. The deep, painful feelings of abandonment I experience seem WAAAAAY out of proportion to the actual threat of the situation.

Does anyone else have similar responses? If so could you post about them so I'll feel less weird about it? Thanks. Please be nice; there have been people on this forum who have not been nice to me before and it hurt my feelings.

Yes I do this too. I'm about to get married and have a baby on the way, and I still get myself worked up about little things like that and trick myself into thinking he doesn't like me. I used to get worried when he didn't text me at a certain time or email me, and whenever he does anything slightly different than normal I get worried and confused. I've never had a relationship with a guy before, and have never really had good relationships with people in general- mostly they end in them getting annoyed at me- so I'm sort of used to feeling inadequate and like my fiance's getting sick of me.

I used to get all upset when my girlfriend wouldn't e-mail me right away. Stupid, really, and I manged to tell myself I was being irrational and fix it, but only after I'd got out of that relationship. It just didn't seem like a big deal all of sudden after that, was weird.

Anxiety can be our specialty. Don't beat yourself up over it. I have been married 4 years (second marriage) and still feel some of what you describe. Does your bf know your diagnosis? The important thing is being with someone who understands you, how you work, why you work that way, and genuinely wants to be with you despite (or perhaps because of) all that. If you have that much you can work out the rest.

Some of that can be directly attributed to the autism spectrum disorders -- things not being on schedule, etc.

But it does sound like there is a bigger issue at play, possibly an attachment disorder (look that up in wikipedia). Any history of abuse or neglect from your parents or caregivers when you were growing up?

Also, do you have a history of self-esteem issues?

Thanks for the replies. I'm getting my Master's in psychology, actually, although I still don't know much about attachment disorders. When I was a kid I was kinda ridiculous with my mom; when she went back to work when I was nine I cried in the window and repeated "she's dead" over and over until she came home.

No abuse or neglect when I was a kid, but I was teased relentlessly and I'm just kind of used to the idea that "nobody likes me." When people tell you repeatedly that no one likes you, you kinda start to believe it. I'm sure many people on this forum know that!

I'm waaaay cooler and have way better social skills than when I was a kid. I have friends who adore me and have had lots of boyfriends, etc. However, old ideas die hard. Especially for someone with a strong episodic memory like me.

Oh, and boyfriend doesn't know about my dx. I will probably mention it to him sometime, but he basically knows all my traits that could be attributable to the dx anyway. I'm still doing the whole "I don't want you to think I'm crazy" kinda thing.

No, I expect everyone to be as even-keeled as I (usually) am and am always surprised and sometimes annoyed when they make a big deal out of little things. Well, I used to be. I don't think I am so surprised and am definitely not so annoyed by these things anymore, but it's hard to judge, not having been in a regular romantic relationship for some time now.

I'm extremely anxious about everything when I'm in a relationship as well. The psychs told me that it is extremely unhealthy & that people like that should not be in relationships till those issues are sorted out. I see how they can be very problematic but I think there can be ways to work true that stuff. Those issues may be caused by different things & if you can talk to your partner about it; you might be able to sort some stuff out. They may be caused by insecurity & if that's the case; talking to your partner about where you guys stand with the relationship & all might would help. If their caused by being dependent on him; you could try working on that. The anxiety may be caused by OCD & researching strategies for OCD might would be helpful.

I sometimes get really clingy and dependent but I'm working on that. I also always worry that my boyfriend will realise soon that I'm actually insufferable and leave but I now know (after many of his reassurances) that it's just my paranoia and low self-esteem

I don't think I generally appear that clingy - more the opposite tbh. My brain doesn't always like other people to know that I like them as much as I do because that would make me more vulnerable. With my boyfriend though, whenever we have the smallest argument I become convinced that he is going to break up with me until he tells me otherwise. Sometimes if he even just gets a little annoyed and because I knock something over I feel like I have to retreat and stay very still and silent so as not to upset him further until the incident is forgotten... I'm probably a bit of a freak... *rolls eyes*

No psych degree on my side, just a casual/hobby interest, but both of the above sound like you had a pre-existing issue that has apparently gone untreated and was also exacerbated by the rejection and peer neglect you experienced in school.

Looking back, I think it is truly neglect when kids have a hard time in school and parents don't recognize it. Even if the kid tries to hide what is going on, as victims often do out of shame and worry about reprisals from peers, some signs are very obvious -- falling grades, lack of friends coming over for visits, physical and emotional changes in the child, etc. I would bet a lot of us here are damaged goods from the crap we wen through during that period. This was the case from me -- I still struggle with ego issues and whether or not I'm a "real person," despite my relatively good life and strong romantic relationship.