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paterfamilias
Tufted Titmouse
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08 Dec 2010, 11:15 pm

Hi,

another self-diagnosed aspie here I guess. I've been lurking for a while, but I want to join in now.

I post on a lot of forums and social media, but I'm looking for a place here where people will not judge me. As such, I won't be revealing my name or other personal details. This goes against my usual 'online' policy, which is to assume that everything I say on the web will be read by both people who love & hate me & to not use pseudonyms, but I need a place to talk about some pretty personal stuff, so, anyway.

I'm 27, married with three kids and I live in Tasmania, Australia. My eldest son (nearly 5 now) was diagnosed with moderate-to-severe ASD when he was 2, and since then I've realised that I'm also on the spectrum. In fact, it was freakin obvious. I used to stim by running around a rubbish heap out the back of our house for hours and hours each day, up until I was 16.

I asked my mum why she never got me diagnosed as a kid, and she said that she didn't want me labelled. I know times were different back then, but looking at the help and support my son is getting, and seeing the difference that is making to his life makes me resent that a fair bit. It's only in the last year or so that I've really started to change the way I do things rather than trying to force my square-pegged-self into a round hole.

I have great difficulty telling when people are joking or being serious, and I miss a lot of the non-verbal messages that people send. I also can't remember people's names for beans. I can recall what someone does for a job & 90% of the conversation we might have had, but their names? I just don't. I had a high-school class of 50 kids, and after two years in that school I still couldn't remember everyone's name.

I find it difficult to focus on tasks for long. Just recently (like, in the last three months), I've discovered that a combination of paracetamol, energy drinks (caffiene, guarana & taurine) and sex has very calming effect on me. On the one hand it's great that I've found a way to focus, but on the other hand I would really rather not have to drink 'bogan juice' and take paracetamol regularly.

Special interests? Honestly, sex & games (video, board & roleplaying). Most of my time is spent with home duties & work, but in my spare time (all two hours of it a week!) I'm playing Civilization V mostly. I also love to debate, but most people can't tell the difference between a debate and an argument and just get upset at me.

Anyway, I would like to learn a bunch of things from people here, mainly other coping methods that other Aspies have.

* How to remember names more easily.
* How to honestly compliment people without coming across as a creep. Things I like about people are not usually things you're supposed to say, apparently.
* How to not appear arrogant.

I would also like some advice from women (and men I guess!) here about how I can be a better husband. My wife of 6 years was recently diagnosed with depression (apparently she's had it for about 13 years, but life has recently come to a head), and I'm doing my best to help her, but I kinda suck at it I think. I would really like to make her feel good about herself.

She often feels that she is:
a) fat (she objectively isn't. She had a baby 7 months ago and already she's fitter than pretty much all of her friends.)
b) ugly (I like the way she looks so I don't see why she cares if other people don't)
c) a bad mother (this has more to do with the challenges of raising a kid with ASD, but she beats herself up a LOT about this)

Anyway, I'm at the point where I don't know what more I can do to help her, so any advice would be awesome.

I am also interested to hear from people who have been diagnosed as an adult through the Australian health system. I'm not opposed to getting a diagnosis, but I'm worried about the cost and whether it will actually do any good.

Ok, so that's what I want. :D What can I offer?

Well, I've worked in a lot of jobs, including as a political staffer & as an investor relations officer for a listed corporation. I'm a pretty good public speaker & I think I can help other people with ASD & anxiety issues learn to speak in public.

I'm a pretty good cook now. I used to go to pieces in the kitchen when things went wrong. (ie, I would 'sperg out if I made a mistake and toss the whole lot in), but I've learned to cope. So, yeah, let me know if you have any questions about learning to cook from a point of zero knowledge.

I've played a lot of heavy-contact sports (rugby union, american football, brazilian jiu-jitsu, mixed martial arts) which have been both awesome and awful for me as an aspie. I can help if you have any questions about the appropriateness of those sort of sports for yourself, let me know.

As I said earlier, I have a wife & three kids, and all things considered we're doing ok. I can help out with relationship advice and parenting, for what it's worth!

Sorry about the omnibus post, but whatevs, feels good to get it off my chest.



KyleTheGhost
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08 Dec 2010, 11:16 pm

Welcome!


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09 Dec 2010, 12:46 am

Welcome to WrongPlanet. :)

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PaleBlueDotty
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09 Dec 2010, 5:55 am

salve paterfamilias,

didn't know that "-as" was the archaic form of the genitive!
7 years of latin rearing their ugly head telling me "should have paid more attention!", :oops: .
hah - i can hear the daily sombre "salve magistra! - salve pueri et puellae!" ring in my head, i can feel the slightly rugged surface of my light blue "ROMA I" latin book on my finger tips, and i see in front of me the dainty little figure of my latin teacher in her taupe knee length skirt and her blue and white striped blouse, she used to wear white open toe sandals with this outfit, and she had this singular ability of rotating the piece of chalk between her fingers covering all her fingertips in chalk, whilst holding open the book with the same hand.
pardon? you're not interested in my former teacher's chalk-holding habits? nor in her dress sense? HOW COME? :lol: :lol: :lol:

welcome to WP! :wink:



JetLag
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09 Dec 2010, 12:19 pm

Welcome to the WP forums, paterfamilias.


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paterfamilias
Tufted Titmouse
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09 Dec 2010, 9:04 pm

PaleBlueDotty wrote:
salve paterfamilias,

didn't know that "-as" was the archaic form of the genitive!
7 years of latin rearing their ugly head telling me "should have paid more attention!", :oops: .
hah - i can hear the daily sombre "salve magistra! - salve pueri et puellae!" ring in my head, i can feel the slightly rugged surface of my light blue "ROMA I" latin book on my finger tips, and i see in front of me the dainty little figure of my latin teacher in her taupe knee length skirt and her blue and white striped blouse, she used to wear white open toe sandals with this outfit, and she had this singular ability of rotating the piece of chalk between her fingers covering all her fingertips in chalk, whilst holding open the book with the same hand.
pardon? you're not interested in my former teacher's chalk-holding habits? nor in her dress sense? HOW COME? :lol: :lol: :lol:

welcome to WP! :wink:


yeah, I had to look it up myself. I thought it would be paterfamilia, but hey, yay for dead languages I guess!

I have a love-hate relationship with Latin. I love understanding the roots of modern english words, but I hate the stupid throwbacks that people try and impose today (no split infinitives!).



richie
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10 Dec 2010, 7:11 pm

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To WrongPlanet!! !Image


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