Cyber spying/stalking, am I obsessed and a creep

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Because they're responsible enough to figure out the reasons for falling out of love. Maybe because they're responsible enough to see that there are reasons other than being in love to have relationships.

But of course, I am weird. Hence the moniker TheWeirdPig.

I'm glad you're pointing out that this is your case. You almost say that this this the way it is with everyone and always. But people are breaking up and getting back together all the time. A friend of mine recently re-married his ex-wife. Somehow the switch must have been turned back on with her (because I don't know the whole story, but I'm pretty sure he initiated them getting back together).

In my case it's fairly naive to say that it's as simple as one switch. There seemed to be multiple factors that occurred over time. But there has been time, and there has been space. She was able to get away and I never tried to stop her. I was the good martyr here, never complaining about her leading me on, misrepresenting herself when entering the relationship, and then not keeping her word. But in our society she doesn't owe me nothing because a unexplained mystery switch went off that must mean it's the will of God and the universe and I, TheWeirdPig, should never mess with the will of God and the universe. And the will of God and the universe supersedes her needing to be honest, keep her word, or have integrity.

Ok, I'm starting to become a bit sarcastic here. I really don't believe that some switch went off due to God's will or the cosmos aligning themselves in any certain order. I think that some of her unresolved emotional baggage came to the forefront and she believed remaining in the relationship would cause her to deal with it, and that was just too scary for her so she ran away. I think she was so scared that honesty and integrity and responsibility were the furthest thing from her mind. Besides, I think that she believes herself to be so unlikable that she believed I really wouldn't be hurt by her exit.

Here's the thing. As long as there are people feeding her ideas that switches go on and off for unexplained reasons, she's going to continue to believe that. She will continue to run away from dealing with her baggage. And as Catholic as she is, I can even believe she may even think that not having a relationship with me is God's will even though there is part of her that really likes me.

Of course being the skeptic that I am, I need to question my own theory. Maybe this really is the will of God, or the cosmos aligning themselves.

i disagree that it is a responsible perspective. an alternative perspective only. i think love is an absolutely integral part of every relationship, so if it does not exist then the relationship is pointless. there are additional reasons for a relationship, but i think they are 100% irrelevant in the absence of love. this is not a less "responsible" perspective, just a different one.

EDIT: forgot to mention - yes, lots of people break up and get back together, but that is not the same thing as falling completely out of love and wanting nothing more to do with a person. people break up for a myriad of reasons, and a switch turning "off" is only one reason.

I'm glad you're pointing out that this is your case. You almost say that this this the way it is with everyone and always. But people are breaking up and getting back together all the time. A friend of mine recently re-married his ex-wife. Somehow the switch must have been turned back on with her (because I don't know the whole story, but I'm pretty sure he initiated them getting back together).

In my case it's fairly naive to say that it's as simple as one switch. There seemed to be multiple factors that occurred over time. But there has been time, and there has been space. She was able to get away and I never tried to stop her. I was the good martyr here, never complaining about her leading me on, misrepresenting herself when entering the relationship, and then not keeping her word. But in our society she doesn't owe me nothing because a unexplained mystery switch went off that must mean it's the will of God and the universe and I, TheWeirdPig, should never mess with the will of God and the universe. And the will of God and the universe supersedes her needing to be honest, keep her word, or have integrity.

Ok, I'm starting to become a bit sarcastic here. I really don't believe that some switch went off due to God's will or the cosmos aligning themselves in any certain order. I think that some of her unresolved emotional baggage came to the forefront and she believed remaining in the relationship would cause her to deal with it, and that was just too scary for her so she ran away. I think she was so scared that honesty and integrity and responsibility were the furthest thing from her mind. Besides, I think that she believes herself to be so unlikable that she believed I really wouldn't be hurt by her exit.

Here's the thing. As long as there are people feeding her ideas that switches go on and off for unexplained reasons, she's going to continue to believe that. She will continue to run away from dealing with her baggage. And as Catholic as she is, I can even believe she may even think that not having a relationship with me is God's will even though there is part of her that really likes me.

Of course being the skeptic that I am, I need to question my own theory. Maybe this really is the will of God, or the cosmos aligning themselves.

The whole thing about love being the most important aspect of a relationship, is that a Western cultural thing? I remember reading somewhere that "romantic love" is not as idealized in Japan as it is in the West, for example.

@ the will of God and the cosmos aligning itself....you express very well how I view this societal uber-respect of the "ability to walk away with no consequence and no expectation to explain"...

~Kate

even if you somehow convinced one person on this thread that you are somehow "right" or "correct" it will not help you in any way. this would not bring the woman back to you, it would not force her to explain anything, it would not change your feelings, it would not out you in a healthier place where you are better able to build new relationships. it would only entrench you in the same old mindset, which i absolutely guarantee will not help you in the long run.

where did i (or anyone) say that it is okay to walk away and never explain? some of us said that we think that expecting consequences for not explaining is unreasonable, but that does not translate into any sort of "societal uber-respect", or other such nonsense.

I'm still playing out hyperlexians scenario in my head:

hyperlexian: I love you!
Boyfriend: I love you too! Why don't we watch a movie together?
hyperlexian: Good Idea!
boyfriend puts movie on. AT 47 minutes into the film:
hyperlexian: I don't love you anymore.
boyfriend: What?!
hyperlexian: Sorry, a switch just flipped and I no longer have any feelings for you.
boyfriend: But...but...but
hyperlexian: I'm off to pack my things and move out.
boyfriend: I don't understand! What went wrong? Can't you please explain to me what's going on? I'm so confused!
hyperlexian: Listen up dude, I don't owe you anything! You got that? I'm going, so long....

Yes, I exaggerate to make a point, but doesn't that whole scenario sound crazy? That is what is being suggested is an acceptable way to end the relationship. My mind melts; It just cannot comprehend.

I'm still playing out hyperlexians scenario in my head:

hyperlexian: I love you!
Boyfriend: I love you too! Why don't we watch a movie together?
hyperlexian: Good Idea!
boyfriend puts movie on. AT 47 minutes into the film:
hyperlexian: I don't love you anymore.
boyfriend: What?!
hyperlexian: Sorry, a switch just flipped and I no longer have any feelings for you.
boyfriend: But...but...but
hyperlexian: I'm off to pack my things and move out.
boyfriend: I don't understand! What went wrong? Can't you please explain to me what's going on? I'm so confused!
hyperlexian: Listen up dude, I don't owe you anything! You got that? I'm going, so long....

Yes, I exaggerate to make a point, but doesn't that whole scenario sound crazy? That is what is being suggested is an acceptable way to end the relationship. My mind melts; It just cannot comprehend.

@nemerosa When you put it like that it does sound crazy, but I don't think that's what hyper means.

There are always reasons for stopping to like or love someone but this doesn't mean we're always aware of them or able to understand and express them. Sometimes people realise their feelings have changed, but can't explain how and why even to themselves, but you expect them to give you a fully comprehensive and logical explanation?

Or maybe the feelings started changing a while ago and "the switch" is just the moment when one becomes aware of it - many people on the spectrum don't have such a good emotional awareness.

Either way, I appreciate her perspective and honesty and don't understand why you try to ridicule what she says - it's only hers and her husband's business and since they are happy together that's all that matters.

@nemerosa When you put it like that it does sound crazy, but I don't think that's what hyper means.

There are always reasons for stopping to like or love someone but this doesn't mean we're always aware of them or able to understand and express them. Sometimes people realise their feelings have changed, but can't explain how and why even to themselves, but you expect them to give you a fully comprehensive and logical explanation?

Or maybe the feelings started changing a while ago and "the switch" is just the moment when one becomes aware of it - many people on the spectrum don't have such a good emotional awareness.

Either way, I appreciate her perspective and honesty and don't understand why you try to ridicule what she says - it's only hers and her husband's business and since they are happy together that's all that matters.

you're becoming quite obsessed with my past relationships, aren't you? i thought we agreed to disagree... or i guess you just thought it would be fun to come back and mock me for what you do not understand?

perhaps you would like to lay yourself on the line, and offer some relationship experiences for me to mock?

(and i didn't ever walk away with no explanation. there was always an explanation given, and i wouldn't talk to anyone like you have characterized there.)

i think that when you really love someone, you overlook a lot of things, but when you don't really love them, those things are not overlooked. so my husband (who i am in love with) could have a bad habit that i would not have tolerated in anybody else, and therefore it could not be considered a reasonable factor in a prior breakup. the small factors or irritants are not real reasons - the real reason was that i was not in love with those people anymore (if ever).