Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

alexptrans
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 May 2010
Age: 181
Gender: Male
Posts: 878

13 Dec 2010, 10:13 am

I keep thinking about something that happened to me the other day, and I would like your opinion on whether this was a social faux pas:

I'm taking a creative writing class, and the lecturer wanted to see me in her office about choosing a topic for the next assignment. It's a really tiny office with barely enough room for her desk, a couple of chairs, and some shelves stacked with books. As I entered and sat down, she said "Oh, I'm sorry, will you excuse me for a moment? I have to make a phone call". I said ok and started looking at the books while she was making the phone call. Should I have waited outside instead? Did she mean that she didn't want me there while she was talking on the phone?
Then, when she was done, I asked her "Are you done?" just to be sure. She said "yes" and we proceeded to discuss the assignment. Was it rude to ask her that?

If it matters, this took place in a university.



GrimmRomance
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 466

13 Dec 2010, 10:35 am

Nah, you weren't rude. (: It's always better to ask, when there's something you're unsure of.
Had it been something very personal she was calling about, she would surely have asked you to leave or have left the room herself. It sounds to me as though you did well. She cannot expect you to read her mind. n_n



markko
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 8 Dec 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 107
Location: Wisconsin, USA

13 Dec 2010, 10:47 am

I've learned over the years that "Would you excuse me for a minute?" is often a request for privacy. I've learned to step outside the room simply to avoid offending the person or creating confusion. The times I've stuck around doing similar to what you did has create anxiety in MYSELF.



Shadi2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,237

13 Dec 2010, 11:09 am

You didn't do anything rude, her comment "would you excuse me for a minute" may have meant something like "sorry to keep you waiting", not necessarily that you should have left of the room. However I agree with GrimmRomance and markko that some people would expect you to leave the room while they make their phone call, but you can't be sure of that and as Grimm said she couldn't expect you to read her mind, so finally you didn't do anything wrong, but if it happens again you could just ask the person if he/she wants you to leave the room, so this way you will be sure and avoid worrying about it.

And about asking if she was done, I don't see anything wrong with that either, if she had been in the middle of her conversation on the phone then yeah it would have been rude, but she seemed to be done and you just wanted to make sure that she was done so it was polite of you to ask. I think this kind of situation can be confusing sometimes, it depends on the other person, I have been in situations where I asked just as you did, to be sure I could now talk and the person was ready, and on the other hand I have been in a situation where I waited for the person to talk/let me know she was done and then realised the person was waiting for me to talk as well, getting impatient towards me even LOL, so you never know for sure.


_________________
That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along. ~Madeleine L'Engle


Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

13 Dec 2010, 12:31 pm

Nah, so long as you didn't glare and look down your nose disapprovingly whilst you said it.

I find it helps to smile if you are saying something that could be taken the wrong way (aka everything). I'm always forgetting.



DenvrDave
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 790
Location: Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

13 Dec 2010, 2:16 pm

I don't think it was a faux pas. If the teacher really wanted privacy and was dropping a hint, and you didn't get the hint, I think she would have figured that out and followed up with a more explicit request for privacy. If this happens in the future, you do have a couple of other choices: 1) you could just assume that "Oh, I'm sorry, will you excuse me for a moment? I have to make a phone call" is a request for privacy and step outside the office; or 2) you could have asked a question like "would you like me to step outside?" But these are for the future. I think you handled it just fine :D



alexptrans
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 May 2010
Age: 181
Gender: Male
Posts: 878

14 Dec 2010, 7:31 am

Thanks for the replies. I guess this wasn't a faux pas after all.



MollyTroubletail
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,185
Location: Canada

14 Dec 2010, 7:47 am

I don't think it is a major faux pas or anything like that, but I think it would be more correct in the future to automatically step away if someone says "excuse me" to make a call, and not to say "are you done?" in that blunt of a manner. It is more tactful to wait for the previously distracted person to speak first, so as not to pressure them. If they apologize for the delay, you should reply "That's alright" and smile. Also, never touch books or anything else in anyone's office. Some people feel very possessive about their property.

(I am frequently told I do job interviews very well.)