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Simonono
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15 Dec 2010, 8:08 am

I have never had a real life female friend. I thought I did at the beginning of college but I think I screwed that up by barely talking to her at all because I am so shockingly shy. I don't think I can ever, ever talk to a girl or at least communicate properly because I turn to ice from being so incredibly nervous. I haven't learned to talk to girls like I should have done at school so I am completely screwed now, and for the future. :cry:



sacrip
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15 Dec 2010, 11:07 am

I remember feeling this way as a young man. I'd see commercials or TV shows with a group of teenagers, boys and girls, hanging out together and wishing I had something similar, with girls to laugh and joke and talk with. It was hard to relax around girls because, well, I'm not even sure why. Maybe I thought girls had higher standards then guys did as far as who they associate with.

It's easy to think that girls are an entirely different species than us, but they're really not. They eat, they breathe, they poop, they do just about everything we do, think the things we think, love and hate the things we love and hate. I can't really give you specifics as far as advice, but generally speaking, just talk to a girl the same as you would talk to a guy. You really have nothing to lose, since there's no girl shortage that I'm familiar with.


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deadeyexx
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15 Dec 2010, 11:15 am

Why so nervous? Talking to girls as friends is no different than talking to guys. You must be hung up on romantic/sexual involvement somehow.

Cut it out.



Keeno
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15 Dec 2010, 11:44 am

deadeyexx wrote:
Why so nervous? Talking to girls as friends is no different than talking to guys. You must be hung up on romantic/sexual involvement somehow.

Cut it out.


I think it's these types of replies that need to be cut out. To people who are looking for help and advice about something that's genuinely difficult, and may be emotionally affecting them, these types of replies are counterproductive.

Although this isn't necessarily love-shyness, as the OP is looking to talk to girls as friends rather than potential partners (no reason not to believe him there), it's clearly something similar and genuinely difficult. More difficult to overcome right away than just by telling someone to cut it out.



Titangeek
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15 Dec 2010, 7:33 pm

same here, i know logically there is no reason to be nervous but since when have emotions been logical :roll:


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Jaz1787
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16 Dec 2010, 12:36 am

*waves to Simonono*

cheer up, maybe you're just trying to talk to the wrong girls

alot of girls i went to school with were not worth my time. i hope theyve all grown a bit since then.

can i suggest finding some people with similar interests to you? most of the great people ive met (guys and girls) ive met through some social situation i would probably never have done, and i ended up really enjoying myself :)

PS, you were talking to me a minute ago about elder scrolls 8) or does it only count in person?


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Laz
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16 Dec 2010, 2:27 am

Well your excluding a big chunk of the human race so you probably need to work on that.

Theres nothing wrong with seeking platonic friendship with women, providing your clear of your intentions from the outset. I would say some of the best friends ive had in my life were either women or gay :lol:



Titangeek
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16 Dec 2010, 2:32 am

Jaz1787 wrote:
PS, you were talking to me a minute ago about elder scrolls 8) or does it only count in person?


in my case i have no trouble talking with females online. but the best i can manage in person is barely intelligible mumbling with a side order of constant fidgeting.


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Kaybee
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16 Dec 2010, 7:22 am

You can talk to girls online, yes? Have you tried talking with them using voice chat, such as Skype or Ventrilo? Perhaps this could be good practice for you and help you to get used to speaking with us.


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Simonono
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16 Dec 2010, 8:07 am

So pretty much everyone has social difficulties, but am I really the only one on Earth without a female friend?? I need a drink... of apple juice.



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16 Dec 2010, 10:14 am

Simonono wrote:
So pretty much everyone has social difficulties, but am I really the only one on Earth without a female friend?? I need a drink... of apple juice.


I had a phobia of young women (women born after 1968) because I couldn't talk to them.

When I was younger, I found it difficult to make friends with girls when I was at school and also after school.

The worst period came between 1990-1994, when one girl at work, wouldn't even talk to me, not even acknowledge me, but she acknowledged others. She became my nemesis in those four years (even though I haven't seen her for 9 and a half years now), but after that time for the next 13 years as far as women were concerned, I could only communicate with older women (born before 1968).

But after I went to confont the issue in 2007 and went to a 6-week confidence/self-esteem course, I managed to beat my phobia and gained confidence in my life for the very first time.

I will not rule myself out of having my first ever girlfriend (dating a woman - not a plutonic friendship), but I have two legitimate female friends who were born after 1980, plus one online on another website.

So I have every right to sympathise with your plight towards your social difficulties.

I might not be friends with every young woman below the age of 30 at work, but at least I can communicate with them and also share my sense of humour with them too, when the occasion permits. If those other young women don't want to be friends with me, well that's always THEIR incurable and infectious social illness of a problem towards me, but at the same time, they are completely ignorant towards people with aspergers etc.

I once went to an Asperger's social-group back in January 2010, and I got introduced to a girl by her mother. We got talking for a while and unexpectedly, she asked me out, but I turned her down and there was a perfectly good reason for this, but I didn't want her to know the truth.

Another problem I've encountered is talking to girls online. When they find out who I am, they put up defensive blocks against me and don't want to know me anymore. They might say "BRB (Be right back)", or they may completely ignore me again. There is a tactic, you could try - disguise yourself as a woman online in chatrooms, but only talk to girls.

YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT and neither am I and anyone else who still suffers from this issue.



Last edited by bobbysands on 16 Dec 2010, 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

b9
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16 Dec 2010, 10:20 am

Simonono wrote:
I have never had a real life female friend. I thought I did at the beginning of college but I think I screwed that up by barely talking to her at all because I am so shockingly shy. I don't think I can ever, ever talk to a girl or at least communicate properly because I turn to ice from being so incredibly nervous. I haven't learned to talk to girls like I should have done at school so I am completely screwed now, and for the future. :cry:



well that's life in the big smoke. you will have to get over it.
you are more important that what you receive
until you understand that then you will always be on the pointy end of fate.



Keeno
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16 Dec 2010, 10:40 am

bobbysands wrote:

Another problem I've encountered is talking to girls online. When they find out who I am, they put up defensive blocks against me and don't want to know me anymore. They might say "BRB (Be right back)", or they may completely ignore me again. There is a tactic, you could try - disguise yourself as a woman online in chatrooms, but only talk to girls.



What aspect of who you are has made them put up blocks?



Magnus_Rex
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16 Dec 2010, 11:39 am

I have this problem, too. Actually, I can't talk to people in general, but since there are only men in the sector I work at, they are my only friends.

God, that sounded depressingly pathetic... :lol:



Greatsharkbite
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16 Dec 2010, 1:58 pm

Simonono wrote:
So pretty much everyone has social difficulties, but am I really the only one on Earth without a female friend?? I need a drink... of apple juice.


Heck no, a lot of people don't have female friends, especially guys, ESPECIALLY guys. Maybe the best a guy generally has, or even in most cases wants is a female acquaintance at work or school.

I've had absolutely no real female friends, with the exception of a co-worker (17, when I was 23) who kept texting me after work. That didn't happen till age 23! I'm 24 now, going on 25. Plus I was probably only friends with her because her brother and I got along "ok". I didn't learn to talk to girls in school either.

Its been said, but there really is not a different way to talk to girls.

I understand feeling like you're behind the social curve and that can be depressing, by not experiencing having a female friend you feel as if you're missing out on something vast and exciting that most people have that you haven't. The truth is, you're only missing out on the personal reassurance...that you haven't missed much of anything. Most male to female friendships end as a relationship anyway.

Now general healthy peer to peer relationships, might be a different subject altogether.