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Not feeling like a real "participant"

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indigo-oak
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20 Dec 2010, 12:40 am

EnglishLulu wrote:
I like the analogy of being in a little car and trying to merge into a lane of hectic traffic.

At the moment, though, there's an additional complication in my life. It's like I want to get into that busy lane, and I'm ready to make my move, but then I stalled the car. A few things have gone wrong in the past year or so. A couple of years ago, I was in that fast lane, work-wise, but then I got shunted out. And the longer I've been in that little car trying to get back into the thick of things, the more hesitant and despondent and lacking I've been feeling.


I feel like this also. Just went for a walk during my lunch break to pick up a few laybys, ear phones in listening to music to block out peopple noise and I was thinking about this exact thread.

I don't get anyone who is walking around me, I'm invisable to everyone but myself and my dogs.

But if I'm out walking my dogs, other people see my dogs and then oh they see me.



Adam82
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20 Dec 2010, 1:08 am

I've felt this way my entire life. Invisible. Like the rest of the world goes by, and other people go about their lives, and I just watch, helplessly.



Aimless
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20 Dec 2010, 5:51 am

It used to bother me that I was separate from things but I'm beginning to realize how much it exhausts me. Socializing for me was always as a silent participant anyway.



Pseudeos
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20 Dec 2010, 7:51 am

Does anyone think that this is related to 'depersonalization'? They seem similar... :?


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21 Dec 2010, 10:55 am

That is how I tried to describe my life to people in the past. I told them I felt like I was watching a TV show half of the time. Due to my problems with empathy I would get excited when people I knew were having troubles. It was like a new development in my TV show!

I still feel like this now, many years later.