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clobelle
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19 Dec 2010, 8:36 am

My friend and I have a very close friend, who is a guy (we think he is aspie) and we have him over at our flat for sleepovers. We struggle to have conversation due to the fact that he likes to turn everything into a sexual connotation. The other problem that we have is the clothing that he wears. Due to the fact he is 18 and a young male he gets frequent erections, his clothes are very loose fitting or tight fitting depending on the time of day and tend to show everything but he walks around like nothing is going on. We don't know how to handle this or what to say to him, any ideas? Another problem we have is he sits down with his legs spread we have tried explaining that you can see contours of his genital but he doesn't get it.



pandabear
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19 Dec 2010, 9:49 am

Don't hint at anything. Be very specific and direct. Explain to him why it is a problem that his genitals are visible.



sgrannel
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19 Dec 2010, 11:42 am

Herein lies the basic problem in being friends with someone you're attracted to. In this case, he's obviously attracted to one of you. His sexual innuendo and posture are obvious signals that he wants to be more than friends with one of you, and that he's had sexual things in mind from the start. Let's suppose his attraction is directed at you. Is this a problem for you? If you're not attracted to him in a sexual way, then it may be necessary to put distance between you and him, for his sake and also yours.


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Chronos
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19 Dec 2010, 3:50 pm

clobelle wrote:
My friend and I have a very close friend, who is a guy (we think he is aspie) and we have him over at our flat for sleepovers. We struggle to have conversation due to the fact that he likes to turn everything into a sexual connotation. The other problem that we have is the clothing that he wears. Due to the fact he is 18 and a young male he gets frequent erections, his clothes are very loose fitting or tight fitting depending on the time of day and tend to show everything but he walks around like nothing is going on. We don't know how to handle this or what to say to him, any ideas? Another problem we have is he sits down with his legs spread we have tried explaining that you can see contours of his genital but he doesn't get it.


This is what you have to say to him. "I'm not talking about sex with you and if you continue to keep bringing it up I'm not going to talk to you anymore."

Don't think that is harsh because you have to be very straight forward with youth and men on these issues, and they have to know boundaries with women. If they do not learn this they can get in a lot of trouble.

Concerning his erections, in the US it's typically illegal for a man to have an erection in public. Granted, it's something that men have limited control over, but most men seem to control it pretty well. If he goes walking around in public with a very obvious erection in the US, it would just be a matter of time before he was reported and arrested for indecent exposure.

A lot of men wear two pairs of underclothing to help conceal themselves if their outer clothing is too thin, or they just wear more properly fitting outer clothing.

Anyway, he has to learn that he cannot be sexually inappropriate. Don't tolerate it around him. If he doesn't stop, break off the friendship.



Chronos
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19 Dec 2010, 3:51 pm

sgrannel wrote:
Herein lies the basic problem in being friends with someone you're attracted to. In this case, he's obviously attracted to one of you. His sexual innuendo and posture are obvious signals that he wants to be more than friends with one of you, and that he's had sexual things in mind from the start. Let's suppose his attraction is directed at you. Is this a problem for you? If you're not attracted to him in a sexual way, then it may be necessary to put distance between you and him, for his sake and also yours.


I'm not sure that he's really more attracted to her than he is to any girl/woman at this point. He might just have sex on his mind, period,and might act this way around any girl he perceives as potentially sexually accessible.



clobelle
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19 Dec 2010, 7:39 pm

Chronos wrote:
sgrannel wrote:
Herein lies the basic problem in being friends with someone you're attracted to. In this case, he's obviously attracted to one of you. His sexual innuendo and posture are obvious signals that he wants to be more than friends with one of you, and that he's had sexual things in mind from the start. Let's suppose his attraction is directed at you. Is this a problem for you? If you're not attracted to him in a sexual way, then it may be necessary to put distance between you and him, for his sake and also yours.


I'm not sure that he's really more attracted to her than he is to any girl/woman at this point. He might just have sex on his mind, period,and might act this way around any girl he perceives as potentially sexually accessible.


I agree with Chronos and yes he is attracted to my friend he makes no secret of that but we do want to be his friend and to help him get a diagnosis if that is appropriate. I feel though it is more a lack of understanding of boundaries and his age because he does it with me on my own as much as with my friend.



Catster29
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20 Dec 2010, 12:59 am

I think another problem is that given my flatmate and I are also aspie she tends to talk and muck around about sex a bit as well meaning it is tougher for him to get the boundaries. I feel it would be better if we don't talk or act about it except in a private way occasionally.