Jealous of couples

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I've been depressed since this past Friday night, when I saw this one couple doing some massive PDAs at work. Why the hell must I be reminded of what I don't have?

On and off I felt like I wanted to cry for the past couple of days. I need sex and a relationship far more than they do, but I'm so scared to go and get it. What does it take to get the happiness I need?

it takes brass balls

It's been at the point where I've even felt like assaulting couples and taking the women for myself.

"Brass balls" sounds like a neurotypical answer. How am I supposed to build up that kind of courage before picking up chicks?

Sorry, it wasn't much of answer. I've been single for ages so I certainly haven't built up that level of courage either. It used to bother me sometimes when couples did the PDA thing but i honestly have stopped caring now. It's not one of those things were i say 'i don't care' out of bitterness. The idea of a relationship literally doesn't enter my head anymore - although i do want my own family one day.

I've heard people saying (including myself) 'stop trying so hard and they'll come to you' but i don't think it works. I think it's a case of perseverance but without any hint of desperation, which requires an individual more thick-skinned than me.
And hence one with brass balls

Last edited by bucephalus on 21 Dec 2010, 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm the same way. I see all these people that are happy together, and I wonder why I can't have that... moreover, I wonder why I, as someone that could use a little happiness in his life, am denied the chance to be happy.

Well, things get easier with practice. My suggestion is that you work on your courage/confidence little by little. It doesn't have to be much. Stick a bunch of bricks together and you get a wall, right? So, start by interacting with strangers in a positive fashion, or getting to know acquaintances better. Eventually you'll become comfortable enough with approaching strangers that it will seem easier to approach a female you're interested in. I suggest when you approach random strangers you don't focus on one specific group (ie young women) and have conversations with other men, old people, ect as the variety will help you in other areas of your life as well. Plus, people that are not in the group you want to date are probably going to be easier for you to approach at first.

Also, really good things sort of bleed into each other. Have something awesome happen to you? That's a good time to talk to a girl because we're pretty good on picking up on things like that and if you're actually confident and happy we'll know/be impressed. If you've had a good day it should boost your confidence just enough to make everything go a little smoother. One positive chat will make you more confident, leading to another that makes you even more confident, and another, ect.

My last bit of advice is that I've heard a little bit of alcohol calms the nerves enough for people to do things they'd be too afraid to do when they're stone sober. But, I'd suggest the other two first.

I hope that helped a little? I don't really know how to help exactly since I've never actively tried to pick up other girls (it'd be really awkward since I'm straight) but I used the first two when I was trying to get more comfortable approaching shopkeepers and secretaries and stuff. It worked pretty well. I threw in the last one for fun because I played too much Red Dead Redemption with my friends the other day and have westerns on the brain. That and if you're picking up girls at a bar it could conceivably be an appropriate solution.

What specifically are you scared of Weiss_Yohji?

Weiss_Yohji,

I know some people on this forum are against the Internet but have you tried Internet dating?

I am sure that there is someone for almost everyone but where are you going to meet them?

In bars? On the beach? At church? At clubs?

You could spend forever running around and wasting your time.

Cast your line into the Internet and see if you get any nibbles on your hook.

Then you just have to chat with them for a bit and only meet them for coffee if you are both interested.

PDAs? Just show them your smartphone and they'll be the jealous ones

As for getting a girlfriend, just go up to a girl you like and ask her out. Seriously.

Ahh... if only it was that easy.
When I was in high school I was a wimp with acne.

After I left school I rode a beautiful chopped Harley Davidson. I wore jack boots, leathers and a white silk scarf around my neck and acted like Marlin Brando.

Did the girls go for that? You better believe it!

You sound a like a stereotype out of a Hollywood film

LOL. So true.

Cause ALL girls want the motorbike guy- heaven forbid we want someone a little quirky or different.

I have to say this sounds like a fairly good idea.

So many people dither for ages about whether someone likes them or not, whether the attraction is reciprocal, but they're too scared to ask in case of rejection.

What's the worst that can happen? You get rejected. But that means you know where you stand, so you can stop being so angst-ridden with the not-knowing, and you can move on and find a different focus for your affections.

Yes, it can be crushing to find out for sure that the object of your affections doesn't feel the same way, but it's better to know and move on.

And also, in terms of going up to a girl you like and asking her out, confidence is quite an attractive quality, so it's in your favour to be confident and make an approach.

I know what you mean, I can't stand seeing happy couples when I'm single, especially PDA. I'm a bit better about it when I'm not single, but the PDA still bothers me, especially when it's excessive.

And I don't have the guts to say "Get a room."

You can have all the balls and courage in the world, it doesn't mean a girl is going to want to go out with you. David Deangelo says 70% of women you will meet are unavailable for some reason, and of the remaining 30% maybe 15% are nice, happy women. Ok now add the fact that you have AS into the equation. I'm not saying that you should place limits on yourself for having AS, you should believe that you are worthy and deserving of any woman on earth, but just keep things in perspective.

For the record I dislike happy couples too... especially at christmas time! I keep thinking "wtf does he have that I don't"

Weiss_Yohji:

My advice to you depends on a couple of things:

1 - Is Aspergers the ONLY thing about you that puts women off, or is there something else, e.g. your weight, employment situation, etc? If there is something else then you obviously need to sort this out in addition to Rhapsody's good advice (except the alcohol bit - you don't need Dutch courage).

2 - How many women are you actually meeting day-to-day? If the answer is 'not enough' then you obviously need to change your lifestyle so that you meet more women.

These 2 points may seem very obvious, but the best advice in these situations usually is. There's no super secret technique that's guaranteed to have attractive women throwing themselves at you!