I have a little mixed feelings about Christmas. On one hand I enjoy many things about it (wrapping gifts, making cards, decorating, good food, days off to enjoy with loved ones etc.) and always crave for the happy, enjoyable time Christmas is supposed to (and used to) bring, but on the other hand I dislike or have trouble handling certain other things about Christmas, like crowded shops, loud family gatherings etc.
I used to really like Christmas. Just a few years ago Christmas was always a nice and quiet evening spent with my husband, parents and brother at my parents' house. I'd help decorate (which I love doing) and with some of the other preparations and then we'd enjoy Christmas together. After a pleasant evening I could just go back to my home nearby and relax.
For a few years now though things have been very different. My sister has kids now and wants the whole family to spend Christmas together at her house, which is quite a drive away. Since there are kids involved, and a very loud uncle, there is a lot of noise and a lot of things going on. The house is usually cold, which increases physical pains I have due to a disability I have. My brother-in-law and uncle smoke and the tobacco smell literally makes me nauseous. Having to try to socially interact with so many people at at time or keep up with what's going on socially would be very hard and draining. Some of the people who are at this Christmas gathering have not treated my husband well in the past, so he doesn't really feel like spending Christmas with them and refuses to go, yet I wouldn't enjoy going without him, because I both want to spend Christmas with him and not have to listen to my family nag about him not being there (like they do every damn time he can't/doesn't come to some family gathering). So if I'd go to this family Christmas gathering I wouldn't be able to enjoy it at all and would just feel overwhelmed, unwell, frustrated and exhausted there and would then have to drive a long way back home in the night and probably have a meltdown on the way. That's not the kind of Christmas I want. So instead, my husband and I spend Christmas alone together at home while everyone else in the family goes to my sister's house, but my husband isn't very much into Christmas, so Christmas at home is never really anything special.
I miss the old type of Christmas, the one I could enjoy and was easier for me to handle.