Is it easier for aspie women than aspie men?

Page 5 of 7 [ 112 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

04 Jan 2011, 11:54 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
The short answer -- it's totally easier for women, period.



As a woman with AS, I totally disagree with this.Mind you we are talking about dating in the sense of finding someone which one is both physically and emotionally attracted to, gets along well with, and those sentiments are reciprocated by the person....not just someone to have sex with.

billsmithglendale wrote:
Supply and demand are on their side, though the demand for older women wanes pretty quickly from ages 35+.


It drops off exponentially after 30, and supply and demand are on no one's side, as there is a fairly equal ratio of men to women in western countries.

billsmithglendale wrote:
The longer answer -- women make it harder on themselves (and guys) by being picky.


I don't think it's a matter of picky unless one is expected to "settle" for someone they really aren't attracted to. And why would any self respecting guy want to be settled for anyway?

billsmithglendale wrote:
This doesn't mean they are wrong to do so -- they have different stakes and risks, like being stuck with a kid. The law tries to even out some of these risks (like child support), but it doesn't completely work, and the woman still ends up carrying around a child in her for 9 months.


This I agree with. Obviously most women don't want to be in this position.

billsmithglendale wrote:
So -- I have a sister who is gorgeous, and who I'm sure lots of guys would like to date, but she's been dateless for a looong time. I think that has more to do with her being very picky, as I find it impossible to believe that other guys aren't hitting on her, unless she also is an aspie and can't spot the signals.


Women, even very pretty ones, don't get hit on left and right unless they walk into some completely sleezy place like a night club or a bar, and those are not the type of guys most women want to be hit on by.

Most men with good, honest intentions are actually timid when it comes to approaching women they are attracted to.



ApsieGuy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 652

05 Jan 2011, 12:03 am

Chronos wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
The short answer -- it's totally easier for women, period.



As a woman with AS, I totally disagree with this.Mind you we are talking about dating in the sense of finding someone which one is both physically and emotionally attracted to, gets along well with, and those sentiments are reciprocated by the person....not just someone to have sex with.

billsmithglendale wrote:
Supply and demand are on their side, though the demand for older women wanes pretty quickly from ages 35+.


It drops off exponentially after 30, and supply and demand are on no one's side, as there is a fairly equal ratio of men to women in western countries.

billsmithglendale wrote:
The longer answer -- women make it harder on themselves (and guys) by being picky.


I don't think it's a matter of picky unless one is expected to "settle" for someone they really aren't attracted to. And why would any self respecting guy want to be settled for anyway?

billsmithglendale wrote:
This doesn't mean they are wrong to do so -- they have different stakes and risks, like being stuck with a kid. The law tries to even out some of these risks (like child support), but it doesn't completely work, and the woman still ends up carrying around a child in her for 9 months.


This I agree with. Obviously most women don't want to be in this position.

billsmithglendale wrote:
So -- I have a sister who is gorgeous, and who I'm sure lots of guys would like to date, but she's been dateless for a looong time. I think that has more to do with her being very picky, as I find it impossible to believe that other guys aren't hitting on her, unless she also is an aspie and can't spot the signals.


Women, even very pretty ones, don't get hit on left and right unless they walk into some completely sleezy place like a night club or a bar, and those are not the type of guys most women want to be hit on by.

Most men with good, honest intentions are actually timid when it comes to approaching women they are attracted to.



Chronos, do you mean that the demand for women decreases after they turn 30? My range is like 25-45 since I don't want kids. I am sure there are other men with similar perspectives.


Sadly, someone past 35 might be too mature for me.



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

05 Jan 2011, 12:43 am

ApsieGuy wrote:
Chronos wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
The short answer -- it's totally easier for women, period.



As a woman with AS, I totally disagree with this.Mind you we are talking about dating in the sense of finding someone which one is both physically and emotionally attracted to, gets along well with, and those sentiments are reciprocated by the person....not just someone to have sex with.

billsmithglendale wrote:
Supply and demand are on their side, though the demand for older women wanes pretty quickly from ages 35+.


It drops off exponentially after 30, and supply and demand are on no one's side, as there is a fairly equal ratio of men to women in western countries.

billsmithglendale wrote:
The longer answer -- women make it harder on themselves (and guys) by being picky.


I don't think it's a matter of picky unless one is expected to "settle" for someone they really aren't attracted to. And why would any self respecting guy want to be settled for anyway?

billsmithglendale wrote:
This doesn't mean they are wrong to do so -- they have different stakes and risks, like being stuck with a kid. The law tries to even out some of these risks (like child support), but it doesn't completely work, and the woman still ends up carrying around a child in her for 9 months.


This I agree with. Obviously most women don't want to be in this position.

billsmithglendale wrote:
So -- I have a sister who is gorgeous, and who I'm sure lots of guys would like to date, but she's been dateless for a looong time. I think that has more to do with her being very picky, as I find it impossible to believe that other guys aren't hitting on her, unless she also is an aspie and can't spot the signals.


Women, even very pretty ones, don't get hit on left and right unless they walk into some completely sleezy place like a night club or a bar, and those are not the type of guys most women want to be hit on by.

Most men with good, honest intentions are actually timid when it comes to approaching women they are attracted to.



Chronos, do you mean that the demand for women decreases after they turn 30? My range is like 25-45 since I don't want kids. I am sure there are other men with similar perspectives.


Sadly, someone past 35 might be too mature for me.


Yep. Women over 30 have a much more difficult time finding a date. I don't think people mature much more once they hit late 20's...that is, I don't think a 50 year old is any more mature than a 35 year old, or even 30 year old.

A lot of people have a "mid life crisis" where they actually revert to being less mature for a while, sometime between 40 something and 60 something.



NickfromCali
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jan 2011
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 35

05 Jan 2011, 1:27 am

Chronos, how old ARE you? I am 51 and have had it extremely difficult if not impossible for finding someone to date. I am personna non grata when it comes to women....



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

05 Jan 2011, 4:22 am

billsmithglendale wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
ow wow, it's easier for a woman to get sex! What a WONDERFUL life we must lead then! Wow! Because sex is the most important thing in the world (if you're pathetic)


...or just a living thing with a sex drive. Is it not the goal of most animals (and plants) to reproduce? Does this act not stimulate extreme emotions of pleasure in certain animals, like humans? Is there a reason why a human (a normal one with a normal sex drive for their gender) wouldn't want to experience those same emotions and feelings, especially with another person? (as opposed to "self service")

The fact is, there are a whole bunch of folks on L&D, mostly men, who have never gotten to experience that act and don't want to pay for it (for a myriad of reasons) The fact that if you did pay for it, it would be expensive, and that it also is so highly sought after (by one gender in particular) that people will sacrifice many things important to them shows that it isn't just pathetic people who crave sex.

We're animals -- we're wired to want sex, and more, at certain ages. Not getting sex is a pretty damn important issue to a lot of us, especially those who want to reproduce like everything else on this planet does. The person who asked the question, I presume, is male, so I answered in in a male-relevant way.

But, I did reread the original question, and the OP said "relation". Not sure if he meant "get into a relationship" or "have sexual relations." If it's the former, I would still say it is easier for women -- just keep them coming back for more and talk in the spaces in between -- you'll find that's a quick way to have a guy around you ALL THE TIME. If you want a QUALITY relationship, well, different matter, and in that case I would give it closer to even odds, though it is still easier for a woman to get "leads" vs. a guy, all things held equal.

And if it's the latter, I definitely stick with my original argument.


In terms of relationships.
Most men here will settle for just sex. You can pay for that.
Most women here want some deep, romantic connection. That, you can't buy.

Thus, you can get sex easier than a woman with AS can get her prince charming, so tell me again how women have it easier?



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

05 Jan 2011, 4:24 am

NickfromCali wrote:
Chronos, how old ARE you? I am 51 and have had it extremely difficult if not impossible for finding someone to date. I am personna non grata when it comes to women....


30



spongy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

05 Jan 2011, 6:02 am

NickfromCali wrote:
OK I am 51 years old, undiagnosed Asperger's (hoping that changes real soon) and have NEVER had a romantic relationship. I'm a bit overweight and on disability due to my depression (and the drugs I take). However when I was in my 20s I was normal weight, 6 feet tall and had a steady (I did not say GOOD) job. So please don't tell me it's easy for Aspies (I don't like that term) that are men to find a relationship.
OK I admit I have kinda high standards (no REAL fatties, no dummies, no smokers, etc.), but still...

Nobody said that its easy for men to find a relationship, however this thread isnt about if its easy or not, its about who has it easier(male/female sort of thing)and they are trying to make you realize that females with as also have a hard time finding someone that understands them and wants to stablish a relationship with them.

BTW if you are so concerned about never having a relationship have you ever thought about lowering your standards?.

I mean there are plenty of females that smoke nowadays and by refusing to date any of them you are lowering the chances of finding a potential partner, also I dont see the point of complaining about having a hard time finding a partner because as and then refusing to date someone based on their appearance.


_________________
Please take the time to answer this quick survey to help improve the community

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt255139.html


Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

05 Jan 2011, 11:01 am

billsmithglendale wrote:
The short answer -- it's totally easier for women, period. Supply and demand are on their side, though the demand for older women wanes pretty quickly from ages 35+.

Oh? There's a significant disproportion in the number of men versus women, meaning greater supply of men?
Or Aspie traits are somehow more appealing to men than non-Aspie ones, meaning greater demand for Aspie women?
How do you figure?
billsmithglendale wrote:
The longer answer -- women make it harder on themselves (and guys) by being picky. This doesn't mean they are wrong to do so -- they have different stakes and risks, like being stuck with a kid. The law tries to even out some of these risks (like child support), but it doesn't completely work, and the woman still ends up carrying around a child in her for 9 months.
So -- I have a sister who is gorgeous, and who I'm sure lots of guys would like to date, but she's been dateless for a looong time. I think that has more to do with her being very picky, as I find it impossible to believe that other guys aren't hitting on her, unless she also is an aspie and can't spot the signals.

What entitles you to say that a group of people is "picky" based on you
making unfounded presumptions
about a "gorgeous" neuro-typical woman
and attempting to apply said unfounded presumptions
to average or even ugly Aspie women?

How fallacious can you get?


_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.


Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

05 Jan 2011, 11:47 am

spongy wrote:
also I dont see the point of complaining about having a hard time finding a partner because as and then refusing to date someone based on their appearance.


Excellent point, spongy.
Most of the men I've seen here complaining (not all men who discuss their dating troubles complain)
about not being able to find a woman
are the same ones I've seen on other threads saying, effectively, "no fatties".

If you're familiar with CDC stats, this is essentially:
"Woe is me, I'm so Aspie none of the one third of people I'm willing to date want me."


_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.


Last edited by Bethie on 05 Jan 2011, 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

05 Jan 2011, 11:51 am

Bethie wrote:
spongy wrote:
also I dont see the point of complaining about having a hard time finding a partner because as and then refusing to date someone based on their appearance.


Excellent point, spongy.
Most of the men I've seen here complaining (not all men who discuss their dating troubles complain)
about not being able to find a woman
are the same ones I've seen on other threads saying, effectively, "no fatties".

If you're familiar with CDC stats, this is essentially:
"Woe is me, I'm so Aspie none of the one third of people I'm willing to date want me."


QFT.



billsmithglendale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223

05 Jan 2011, 12:43 pm

Chronos wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
ow wow, it's easier for a woman to get sex! What a WONDERFUL life we must lead then! Wow! Because sex is the most important thing in the world (if you're pathetic)


...or just a living thing with a sex drive. Is it not the goal of most animals (and plants) to reproduce? Does this act not stimulate extreme emotions of pleasure in certain animals, like humans? Is there a reason why a human (a normal one with a normal sex drive for their gender) wouldn't want to experience those same emotions and feelings, especially with another person? (as opposed to "self service")

The fact is, there are a whole bunch of folks on L&D, mostly men, who have never gotten to experience that act and don't want to pay for it (for a myriad of reasons) The fact that if you did pay for it, it would be expensive, and that it also is so highly sought after (by one gender in particular) that people will sacrifice many things important to them shows that it isn't just pathetic people who crave sex.

We're animals -- we're wired to want sex, and more, at certain ages. Not getting sex is a pretty damn important issue to a lot of us, especially those who want to reproduce like everything else on this planet does. The person who asked the question, I presume, is male, so I answered in in a male-relevant way.

But, I did reread the original question, and the OP said "relation". Not sure if he meant "get into a relationship" or "have sexual relations." If it's the former, I would still say it is easier for women -- just keep them coming back for more and talk in the spaces in between -- you'll find that's a quick way to have a guy around you ALL THE TIME. If you want a QUALITY relationship, well, different matter, and in that case I would give it closer to even odds, though it is still easier for a woman to get "leads" vs. a guy, all things held equal.

And if it's the latter, I definitely stick with my original argument.


In terms of relationships.
Most men here will settle for just sex. You can pay for that.
Most women here want some deep, romantic connection. That, you can't buy.

Thus, you can get sex easier than a woman with AS can get her prince charming, so tell me again how women have it easier?


I have to admit that I like your logic and counterargument better than a lot of the other replies to my statement above.

Per my statement, it really comes down to what is important, and what we're talking about,

So -- if we're talking about sex with another human being as being what is important to that individual, male or female -- even with your "you can pay" argument, women still have it easier, hands down. Some significant portion of men literally (they've done studies) will have sex with a woman they've known for 5 minutes -- the minimum time for women in the same scenario is about one day to a week in most cases (we'll lump the one night stands under the "one day" category, since presumably you've chatted eachother up before you went home, investing some time in eachother). I don't think we really need to argue about who wants sex more, men or women - it's pretty obvious. So men want something more than women want, and at an earlier age -- women have the advantage here.

Romantic love -- yes, this is hard for everyone, and if all things were equal, it would be equally difficult. However -- women have a lot more men coming at them than men have women coming at them, so in terms of finding that person, women get a lot more opportunity to vet candidates. The onus, culturally, is on the man to make the first move, and per the sex incentives above, men are also more likely to be looking for a long-term (or short-term) sex partner. Somewhere in that process, odds are that you are going to find someone who fits the mold you have for a romantic relationship. But this only works if you meet other people!! !

Obviously meeting people and developing relationships is a difficult matter for Aspies almost universally. However, the odds are still in the woman's favor, as more men are likely to approach a woman, even a homely one, than her exact male counterpart. So her male counterpart had to make more effort to meet people. So from sheer effort alone, it's easier for women.

That isn't to say that it is necessarily easy, period, for women, to get a relationship -- it just is relatively easier.



emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

05 Jan 2011, 12:45 pm

I can't believe you're still all arguing this. :roll:
No-one can experience both sides of it. So you can't get an accurate representation.
It's amusing how everyone is trying to be the more hard-done-by side.



Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

05 Jan 2011, 12:55 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
However -- women have a lot more men coming at them than men have women coming at them, so in terms of finding that person, women get a lot more opportunity to vet candidates.

Sure. Pretty ones...in bars..
emlion wrote:
I can't believe you're still all arguing this. :roll:
No-one can experience both sides of it. So you can't get an accurate representation.
It's amusing how everyone is trying to be the more hard-done-by side.

I don't assert that men have an easier time-
I just call out those who say women do.


_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.


Last edited by Bethie on 05 Jan 2011, 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

05 Jan 2011, 1:02 pm

emlion wrote:
I can't believe you're still all arguing this. :roll:
No-one can experience both sides of it. So you can't get an accurate representation.
It's amusing how everyone is trying to be the more hard-done-by side.


Lol, I know right? I picture this scenario in my head when I read through these types of threads. XD

"My love life sucks more than yours!"
"Hey, you're right. Yours is much worse than mine. Do you feel better about it now?"
"...no."

Why try to win this argument? There's no reward for it. :roll:



billsmithglendale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223

05 Jan 2011, 1:02 pm

emlion wrote:
Bethie wrote:
spongy wrote:
also I dont see the point of complaining about having a hard time finding a partner because as and then refusing to date someone based on their appearance.


Excellent point, spongy.
Most of the men I've seen here complaining (not all men who discuss their dating troubles complain)
about not being able to find a woman
are the same ones I've seen on other threads saying, effectively, "no fatties".

If you're familiar with CDC stats, this is essentially:
"Woe is me, I'm so Aspie none of the one third of people I'm willing to date want me."


QFT.


So counterpoint -- if fat women can still land guys that are better-looking than them, while several men here have complained about being in perfect shape, great job, yet all they can get is what they perceive to be the bottom third of women (fat, ugly, homely, otherwise unattractive), is that not a sign of asymmetry?

Let's go farther -- the point being made here is that many men's standards are too high vs. what their value should be, and I don't dispute this -- I think it is a very valid point for men here to think about, and one that I myself had to get right with before I had more success, and ultimately, a happy marriage. There is a certain amount of intangible mathematics that go on in terms of how someone is valued, and it's very relative, but still discernible. A guy with no job, a big waistline, no hair, and not a great face shouldn't think that he's going to land someone gorgeous -- he should figure he should have a chance with his equivalent. If he doesn't like that, well, tough, you tend to get what you are relatively valued at by the other gender.

So, if unattractive women are the bottom third in terms of desirability, along with the poor and mentally handicapped, it would make sense that their male equivalents would be who they would end up dating.

But are we saying that the "Aspie penalty" is so much that it can take men who normally would be in the top 50% (good-looking, good job, intelligent, great character) and knock them down into that bottom third? Because this is what we're hearing from some male members here, while I have not heard the equivalent complaint here from anyone who was a woman who wasn't:
A) morbidly obese
B)very young and inexperienced
C) asexual and more into the idea of a relationship than actually getting into one (and admittedly, there are several male members here in this category as well)

So -- if things are equal, the Aspie penalty should be kicking in equally, and women with good bodies, good jobs, and great minds should also be knocked down into that bottom 3rd -- yet my feeling is that this isn't the case here. A lot of the better-looking women here have been married before, some even multiple times - I don't see their male counterparts represented here as much. Why is that? Could it maybe be that things are indeed skewed in favor of women, as we have tried to say here? We all know life isn't fair -- could this not be one of those things?



menintights
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 895

05 Jan 2011, 1:07 pm

Bethie wrote:
Sure. Pretty ones...in bars..


I'd use the term "hot" instead of "pretty." Guys in bars want girls who are hot, and pretty girls aren't necessarily hot.

The pretty-but-not-hot girls they'd put aside until they're ready for marriage under the assumption that these are the ones who'd be more faithful and more likely to stay with them no matter what an ass they are.