How do you feel being an aspie? Please respond

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Markendust
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30 Jun 2006, 4:36 pm

It's true. Many of the kids at school are morons who can't follow their hearts. Most kids here think the Chapelle Show is so freakin good but I rather watch some old cartoons from my early childhood and an intoxicating film like Heavy Metal (1981 film). Most of the kids like boring and trendy music such as any currently popular rapper, nu metal, pop punk, emo, radio rock or metalcore band while I like classic rock, funk, blues, jazz, soul, groove metal, thrash metal and death metal (I'm a metal head and like all metal genres with the exceptions of black metal, nu metal and most "-"core crap). I have friends who are "in the crowd" and stuff but I never really fit into that mold so that is probably why I'm not into all of the things they are in. It may be a good thing because I've been able to make my own individuality and that is something everyone should do. And if anyone scoffs at me for not being a wigger or whatever, I will throw it back at them and tell them to take their crybaby whining elsewhere. I've even scared off some football players.

If I'm ever to go back to the christian faith, God needs to show that he's actually there and cares for me. Many say he is there for you and will help you but that is a complete joke. I've prayed constantly for a change in life but it's never happened and I'm sick of waiting so I won't try praying anymore. It's made me realize I will have to make the changes in my life and don't put any hope in anything that is not even proven to exist. If God has helped me, I've yet to see it. Though I'm unsure about God's existence, I absolutely deny the existence of a devil. Hell is purely a scare tactic. If God is all loving and caring, why would he allow such a place to exist? It doesn't make any sense. Earth is already bad enough so how could hell be any worse?

My counselor told me the times I've seen her that most highschool guys don't date until college. I don't really see that since I see a lot of guys with dates but some of them have pretty crappy relationships. The cheating bit you mentioned earlier and I also see them pulling mean tricks on eachother. I would never do that to my girlfriend if I had one as you should respect the ones close and special to you. But the fact that some girls go for idiots like I mentioned above makes me even more frustrated. But if my counselor is right that most guys have their first date in college, I want to be one of those guys.
Though I do desire sex since it would really help my self esteem and it appears to be a very enjoyable thing, I'm also aware that there is more to a relationship than that. Relationships are variable. My hope grows stronger for the special girl to come to me and I hope it will be soon or relatively soon and while I'm still young. Maybe life is only just beginning for me right now and after I step into the world of work and college after this year, things will finally change for the better.



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04 Jul 2006, 10:41 am

I'm 14, and I've known that I'm an aspie for 4 years now, even though I was diagnosed at 4. My mum didn't want to tell me until I was old enough to understand who I am, and I'm grateful for that. Ever since I've known, I feel unique and good about myself. I don't mind at all HELL NO because I love being an aspie. Also it's good being independent and different to NTs. I love myself and who I am. Although being independent makes me feel lonely, thats the only downfall which is minor, because I know my socialism is bad.



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17 Jul 2006, 4:57 am

I'm proud of who I am. Of course, it's all I've ever known so I don't know if it's better or worse being NT.

How many NTs do you know with the hyper-focus ability?


Just remember Aspire is just r added to aspie.



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17 Jul 2006, 12:47 pm

Honestly? I generally hate having AS. I find it extremely frustrating because of my excessive sensitivity to EVERYTHING, and because of how confusing I find people. I'm thankful for its benefits, for it's likely the cause for some of my more imaginitive literary inventions, but it's just so hard actually living everyday life.

Also, I'm really just not happy with how I am, and I kind of use AS as my scapegoat. I get angry too easily, I'm way too picky of an eater, I'm always unhappy except when I'm watching a movie I like or something like that (escape from reality), I can't relate to most people...I've just been rather miserable my whole life.



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17 Jul 2006, 1:06 pm

I'm generally pretty happy with being an Aspie. But then i've always been very comfortable with being myself. Even when i had problems with bullying at school and things like that, i was allways very sure of who i was.
It helped of course that i could escape the real world in my writing, in books, films and my imagination. Something that i still do often.
People have allways noted and commented on my internal self suffiency; i never go to other people for emotional support or seem to be swayed by peer pressure or the 'norms' of society. I don't know if this is AS or just me but i like that...the feeling that i am my own person, whole with needing outside imput.
Its linked to things like the fact that i've allways known what i wanted to do with my life. I've allways wanted to be a writer. That's it, its quiet simple. I'm the only one of my family and few friends i know whose like that.
Things like that feel good.
Obviously being lonely and feeling different all the time are the downsides of AS and can be very difficult. I found teenagehood tough (I'm 27) mostly because my sister and cousin and the friends i hung around with were all so interested in things which i found incomprehensible like boys and drinking and pubs and stuff.


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17 Jul 2006, 4:24 pm

At 32, I just feel confused. The more I learn (and I have to study it; my library has gotten pretty extensive) about how people behave, the more confused I get. I cannot imagine how some people can manage to say no wrong and get along with everyone when people are so ready to be offended. I study it constantly just to break even socially. I'm in a constant struggle to get social skills "out of my way". My best friend is one of those who can say no wrong and I wonder sometimes when he speaks how he gets away with it. All non-verbals -- it's gotta be!

I feel frustrated because I can say exactly the right things and still make enemies because I cannot back those words up with non-verbals. Either the non-verbals I send are wrong and chaotic, or when I'm at my best, I send NO non-verbals which, unfortunately, is considered negative by default. I feel trapped because I have no way to interact with people that has a good outcome.

My behavior is based on strict rules. Be positive and enthusiastic. Work hard. Trust God. All behaviors that seem to offend people somehow, particularly when I succeed in doing something. I feel restrained because I know I must never show joy in what I do because, if I do, someone becomes depressed and hates me for feeling it.

I feel... is it guilt?... at talking on these boards because I have never gotten a formal diagnosis. I hate psychologists. All they do is smirk at me and have tried to push drugs on me that made me ill and did no good. I self-diagnose based on my past and feedback from my parents. Still, there it is... guilt... and fear of talking to a psychologist. Fear of being told, "No, you're just depressed," and forced to go back on Zoloft or something, which did nothing but make me ill.

Finally, about the depression: I am not even close to depressed. I love going home and exercising my skills. When I am alone, I am the happiest person in the world.



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17 Jul 2006, 4:28 pm

sigholdaccountlost wrote:
How many NTs do you know with the hyper-focus ability?


That is a POWERFUL gift you have there!



Jamie06
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17 Jul 2006, 5:47 pm

I'm ok with having AS. If i didn't have it i wouldn't have any of the hobbies i have got now + all the interests of stuff.



Dave_19_Essex
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17 Jul 2006, 5:49 pm

To be honest since i was diagnosed a few years ago my life has been on the up as it's nice to know whats wrong with me at long last and now i am free of all the worrys.



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18 Jul 2006, 4:21 am

Yep It sure is. Now if I can just manage to control it, I'll be laughing.



dystopia-x
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20 Jul 2006, 5:53 pm

i feel as aspergers is a great part of me i would not be the same without it



pepsiprincessBC
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20 Jul 2006, 6:32 pm

im so greatful after 28 years of feeling like i wasnt worthy for this world

found out last summer why ( i am an aspie and knowing was the first step , then understanding)

now im able to talk bout it and explain to people who i am

i do find i varify what im tryin to say alot cuz ive been so misunderstood

lost so many friends, and lovers

all to find out its not my fault

i look forward know to learning how to communicate better

i also know its ok to want to spend alot of time alone ......cuz it takes longer to adapt and proceses (esp if something new has been presented)

well theres my 2bits

if any young adults want to contact me please feel free PM me let me know your age gender and location

im 28 female and live in western canada


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BlueFireBird
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21 Jul 2006, 11:52 am

I am proud to be an Aspie!



sigholdaccountlost
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21 Jul 2006, 1:57 pm

Markendust wrote:
It's true. Many of the kids at school are morons who can't follow their hearts. Most kids here think the Chapelle Show is so freakin good but I rather watch some old cartoons from my early childhood and an intoxicating film like Heavy Metal (1981 film). Most of the kids like boring and trendy music such as any currently popular rapper, nu metal, pop punk, emo, radio rock or metalcore band while I like classic rock, funk, blues, jazz, soul, groove metal, thrash metal and death metal (I'm a metal head and like all metal genres with the exceptions of black metal, nu metal and most "-"core crap). I have friends who are "in the crowd" and stuff but I never really fit into that mold so that is probably why I'm not into all of the things they are in. It may be a good thing because I've been able to make my own individuality and that is something everyone should do. And if anyone scoffs at me for not being a wigger or whatever, I will throw it back at them and tell them to take their crybaby whining elsewhere. I've even scared off some football players.

If I'm ever to go back to the christian faith, God needs to show that he's actually there and cares for me. Many say he is there for you and will help you but that is a complete joke. I've prayed constantly for a change in life but it's never happened and I'm sick of waiting so I won't try praying anymore. It's made me realize I will have to make the changes in my life and don't put any hope in anything that is not even proven to exist. If God has helped me, I've yet to see it. Though I'm unsure about God's existence, I absolutely deny the existence of a devil. Hell is purely a scare tactic. If God is all loving and caring, why would he allow such a place to exist? It doesn't make any sense. Earth is already bad enough so how could hell be any worse?

My counselor told me the times I've seen her that most highschool guys don't date until college. I don't really see that since I see a lot of guys with dates but some of them have pretty crappy relationships. The cheating bit you mentioned earlier and I also see them pulling mean tricks on eachother. I would never do that to my girlfriend if I had one as you should respect the ones close and special to you. But the fact that some girls go for idiots like I mentioned above makes me even more frustrated. But if my counselor is right that most guys have their first date in college, I want to be one of those guys.
Though I do desire sex since it would really help my self esteem and it appears to be a very enjoyable thing, I'm also aware that there is more to a relationship than that. Relationships are variable. My hope grows stronger for the special girl to come to me and I hope it will be soon or relatively soon and while I'm still young. Maybe life is only just beginning for me right now and after I step into the world of work and college after this year, things will finally change for the better.


Could you put the mirror down now?



k96822
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21 Jul 2006, 2:09 pm

sigholdaccountlost wrote:
Could you put the mirror down now?


What do you mean?



YellowBird
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21 Jul 2006, 10:00 pm

Solidess wrote:
I feel exactly the same way as you do, Markendust, but I am now 25, and I have to say, if you don't get help/services for managing your AS struggles, things could possibly get worse for you (sorry to tell you that), and it hurts more and more the older you get without help. I have been struggling to find any good councelling and skills services, as it seems like they cut me off what was working for me as soon as I turned 19. So whats that? As soon as I am 19 I magically just don't need help anymore? What kind of utter BS is that? I hope you can get the help you need. The sooner the better, especially if you find yourself depressed and/or crying alot of times.

I was diagnosed at 15. Since then I have improved alot, matured and gotten somewhat better and more normal like. But the last few years were a downhill for me - well rather a standstill, but my emotions go more and more downhill as I age and don't get the help I need. I have kept struggling with college, because I feel like I am so messed up and I just don't care about career right now, so I wasn't into the classes enough, and I failed some of them. They weren't very good with helping me even when I asked for it.

Try not to feel bad about having a lack of or no in-person friends and never dated. It's true for me too, and I'm older, so its even more embarrassing and hurtful in a way, that I am now this age and I am completely missing out on my young-adult years, and any social life. I completely missed out on any highschool memories. I didn't go to any prom and there were no friends graduating with me. It pains me so much that I have missed out on milestones that I can't ever get back. And when I tried to make something of myself in college, it was all too much for me to bear. Trying to keep up with the really demanding workload AND trying to learn social skills at the same time, it was much too stressful and depressing for me. After failing at highschool life, I was afraid of finishing college without making any friends there either.

And I know exactly what you mean about the relationship thing. I mean I am quite cute and smart, and people have told me that I should have guys crawling all over me, but I never even see anyone so much as look my way. I mean they couldn't be THAT good at hiding glances, I should be able to spot it happening right? I feel so undesirable and so alone, and its very painful.... I don't know what to do about the romance thing, I think the bigger problem is that I don't think I will find anyone that I'll have feelings for, because I already love someone so completely but I know I can never possibly be with him. I can't just try and forget him and find someone else and love them because it makes more sense to - it doesn't work that way. Am I gonna be alone forever?

It is all so painful for me and I don't know what to do about it, and I don't know how much more of this misery I can take quite frankly. But I'm trying to find out what to do and get my life on track. Aspergers is a very very difficult challenge that we chose to face before we incarnated here. Why oh WHY did I pick this!



But anyway, I apologise, because I didn't mean to hijack your thread and complain about myself. I'm just trying to tell you how you are not alone, and share my experience with you in how it can continue on through your young adult years coming up. I don't want to scare you or anything like that, but just encourage you to seek out and try to find services and help sooner rather than later, because the government loves to let you down and screw you over again and again, so you need to be able to find a new thing to try if something doesn't work out for you. Don't keep your fingers crossed on dying in your sleep any day now. Life will just suck if you let it. We may as well find a way to live life and struggle to eventually perhaps find some fake sort of happiness and pretend its really happening.


I feel the same way. I'm 20 and was diagnosed 3 years ago. At first I felt better because I finally understood why I was different. Then when I finally started looking into relationships, I realized there is a dark side to all of this. I've looked into social skills training but can't seem to find anything. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere. I only have 1 friend left here in town (my other 2 friends are in the military.) I'm just so depressed right now. I can't any light at the end of this tunnel. I look back and see a child (me) walking towards a cliff, unaware of the perils ahead. I'm becoming bitter and angry over the fact I don't feel loved. I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up for a very long time. I just want my pain to end.
Sorry if I rambled or didn't keep my thoughts in order. I just had to speak.


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