I'm too afraid to write back to him/see him again

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i recently spent an evening hanging out with this guy i met from okcupid. it didn't say "long-term dating" under the "what i'm looking for" section of his profile, so, that was one of the first things that made me think he only wants sex. and on his "you should message me if..." section, one of the things he put was "..or if you just want to jump my bones" in his profile though, he indicated that he felt like he was from a different planet/on a different level.
i wanted to think he was joking, and just "cynical about relationships" as he tells me, but i'm starting to really second-guess that.

when we hung out together, we were talking nonstop and we seemed to get along really well. a few things, however, made me think he was just trying to manipulate me. i'm extra paranoid about that happening because a lot of guys have tried to seduce me/sweet talk me into sleeping with them. and a lot of people make fun of me for being spacey and oblivious to nuances in social settings.

here are some of the things that are making me not want to reply to the email he sent me after our date about how he wants to hang out again and stuff.

-when we went to the ATM, i was getting money out of it and i heard him do this really impatient, annoyed sounding huff. like he couldn't wait for me to be done with it or something.
-he complimented me a lot. and alluded to 'the future' and how he 'connected with me' so well.
-he seemed to be pretending to not know some basic things. he said he didn't know who My Chemical Romance is when we were talking about crappy "goth" music and i was like nuh-uh, you've got to be kidding me. and then i told him about how i went on a date with this other guy who was pretending to be stupid and not know things to make me think i was in control and i mentioned he said he didn't know who lindsay lohan was and he was like "oh, i've heard about her but i don't know what she's been in" ...he said he was way behind pop culture but i think he was lying.
-he told me that since he moved to this town about a year and a half ago, he has made zero friends or even acquaintances. he says he feels cut off from the world and like he can't get along with anyone, but i sense that he's pretending to be lonely.

... so, after we hung out, he sent me an email that struck me as glib. it just said that he was incredibly happy he met me, and that it was probably one of the best dates he's ever had, sweet dreams, etc. it seemed fake.

...so i don't know what to do. i kind of want to cry. i don't think i'm capable of holding any man's genuine interest. i'm so tired of being buttered up like a stupid turkey and and... walking right into the trap. i'm lonely. my instincts tell me he's faking it, but i'm looking for some genuine, truthful, respectful advice about this situation.

Tell him you'd like to be friends, then give it some time. If he's truly interested in you, he'll understand, if not, then you have your answer.

This is just my opinion though, hopefully a more knowledgable someone can help you. :D

OP: I think you're gonna have to trust him and take a gamble to be quite honest. As far as popular culture is concerned I don't pay attention at all - someone could accuse me of playing thick too. I have heard of LL and MCR tho, but only through magazines.

I have no idea what that means.

But from everything else I don't see any sign that he just wants sex.
I think you are reading way too much into it, and from what you describe he might even have AS! And even if he did just want sex, just tell him "no" when he tries to get you to something. I mean, unless you are afraid that he will physically force you to do something I don't see why you should worry. If he stays with you after you say "no", or if he doesn't try to get you to do something then he is more likely to genuine.


However, if you think his personality is shallow you shouldn't date him. But don't try so hard to read people (I try, and I pick up on all the wrong details).
Also, ask your NT (especially women) friends to hang out with you and him together, and ask them to observe him. They should be able to tell you more about what type of guy he is.
Hope this helps. Sorry that you feel sad.

this may seem silly but i have no clue who lindsay lohan is, and i only have a general idea of My Chemical Romance (and by general idea i mean i know they are a band that i don't like... that's about it)

The "jump my bones" thing sounds like a poor attempt at humor. Someone already mentioned this, but he sounds like he could have AS or at least have the broader autism phenotype thing. This would explain the cluelessness about pop culture. I'm not sure how claiming not to know Lindsey Lohan or My Chemical Romance could be used to manipulate you. I can't come up with any reason why someone would claim not to know either one if it wasn't true. My Chemical Romance has like one hit album and if the guy only listens to the radio, chances are he's heard only one song from them, or maybe he likes country. This means nothing. I only know about Lindsey Lohan from comedy shows making jokes about her. It's hard enough to read context in person, especially for us, but trying to do it over e-mail? How can a three or four sentence e-mail have enough context to be glib? Are you sure you don't have a self-fulfilling prophecy "I'm going to fail" thing going on. Your last paragraph makes me think there might be an element of this. You're making very large leaps of logic based on some very limited information. I have been guilty of this myself from time to time.

If you don't want to sleep with a guy, don't sleep with him. If he's really into you, he'll keep dating you without sex. You shouldn't have to put out to get a guy to stay interested. Take it slow if you want to. If he really cares about starting a relationship with you, he'll hang around. If all he wants his sex, then once he sees he isn't getting any, he'll move on to someone easier.

Just an addition to the above posts: stick to dating in public places, at least for now until you feel more comfortable with him. Though you know that already but at worst stating basic information is an annoyance.

Me, too. Generally, if a sign is not flashing and neon, I miss it. That said, I may not be the best person to give you advice, but, I would just let him know that you'd like to be friends and/or take things slowly.

I say this because (a) you should never let yourself get swept into a situation with a guy that makes you feel uncomfortable just because you are second-guessing your instincts (your instincts may be right, afterall!) and (b) that will be a good litmus test to find out if he is a decent guy with a sincere interest in you or if his only intention is to get in your pants.

"my instincts tell me he's faking it"


Key thing right there. Since we are so bad at reading social clues through verbal or body language (which is almost instinctive) that means if you are getting a bad vibe off this guy chances are he's really faking it (and badly since you're catching on to it).

he could be faking it. To me it seems possible he could be interested in you and has learned that these are the things you say to express affection, hence it feeling fake.

that is just one possibility. I think the best thing is to just keep at it if you do like him but don't get physical until you are sure of his motives. If you want you could be frank and just ask him in a non accusing way what he wants.

if you do begin a relationship you will most likely need to be able to trust him for it to work.