Does the girl I dated have Aspergers?!

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Jyoneo
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03 Jan 2011, 1:19 pm

Okay, I dated this girl, "Deedee", for 9 months, and towards the end it was rocky, to say the least. We always seemed to fight and disagree, and often times she couldn't see past herself, which was both hurtful and extremely vexing.

Most of my friends, upon making her acquaintance, thought she was a B*^%$ because she acted so strangely in social situations, but I knew that, in private, she would tell me how awkward she felt, and was very embarrassed by the fact that she had such a hard time making and keeping friends and being social. She begged me not tell anyone about how embarrassed she was, and I clearly knew she just didn't know what to do.

I'm a fairly intimate person, and like to discuss openly matters of the relationship, how I feel, and generally things that bother me with the person I am with. Deedee seemed to trust me, but never really opened up about her feelings outside of what was frustrating to her. When we would argue, she would never want to discuss how she felt or really resolve the issue later on.

We had a few large arguments about these things, about how I felt she didn't seem to care about or appreciate me and other general frustrations. She seemed to genuinely feel sad that I thought so, and said that she didn't "show emotions" well, which I thought was sort of odd at the time. She seemed very confused afterward about what to do, and would often check with me to see if she was acting "better," another sort of queer thing. Later on though, it seemed like she couldn't remember anything that we had discussed other than how she felt, and she would later blame me for making her feel badly, rather than remember what we had actually discussed. Rather than just selective memory, it seemed like she honestly had trouble thinking past her own emotions and considering that I had a point of view as well.


Jump to the present: She broke up with me, for reasons I'm still a little confused about. While out with friends, I met a very intelligent and interesting girl who informed me that she had a very mild case of Asperger's, and instantly I began seeing similarities between her and Deedee. Later, when this girl got in a text-message argument with my friend, I began to see how she, like Deedee, would always take very egocentric positions in her argument, and sort of failed to realize that my friend a valid and different view than she did. This was frustrating to the friend who she was arguing with, but it was a little concerning to me.

I know that Deedee's younger brother is himself autistic, though I'm not really sure if it is a genetic thing. She is also very intelligent, which is why I was drawn to her in the first place. There are a lot of wonderful things about her, but a lot of things seem to go unanswered.

I really hope that someone on this website will read this and give me a little bit of counsel, hahah! I'd really like to understand her, and hopefully help her in the long-run if maybe it turns out if it seems like she has something.

Anyway, thank you for your time, and I hope I will receive your input : )

PS: I hope I don't sound like an ass in this post...if anyone has questions regarding anything here, feel free to ask! I REALLY WANT YOUR OPINIONS!



Jyoneo
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03 Jan 2011, 2:41 pm

Anyway, yah...hahah I know next to nothing about being an "Aspie" or anything related, so maybe someone might be able to fill me in as well? Anyway...thanks again :)



Laz
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03 Jan 2011, 2:50 pm

I dunno, does she have aspergers?

Give me 5 years to become a Psychiatrist i'll let you know



starygrrl
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03 Jan 2011, 2:52 pm

No you don't.

You mentioned her by name. That is the one problem I would have.

Here it goes. Difficulties connecting emotionally is something people on the spectrum have, as well as issues relating to another person's perspective. Autism, is in fact genetic, her brother having it is a giveaway. She probably has mild AS or is atypical. Some of us are very smart, until it gets to said emotional and social processing issues. This is where difficulties often are in place. One of which is feeling like one cannot connect with strangers.

For example, the way I learn is from my own experiences, but I have a hard time relating to people outside of the people I directly relate to (which is often in limited circumstances). This is such a subtle issue for me, so subtle it often is frustrating to my boyfriend. How I relate emotion is also different. I also have a difficult time connecting with people unless I share some interest with them. In fact I am sometimes avoident of people if this is the case.

I can go on, but I can relate with your girlfriend, she does in fact sound like she is on the spectrum.



Last edited by starygrrl on 09 Jan 2011, 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

Jyoneo
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08 Jan 2011, 12:48 am

Okay well thank you...

i'm not really sure how to go about speaking with her anymore, which maybe I shouldn't since we've broken up. I have just felt sort of hung up on the issue of how she could just drop me like that and not see how it could hurt and confuse me :P

Is there any sort of phrasing that you could suggest to me to get her to maybe open up a little about why she broke up with me? I'm not trying to be a stalker here, we're still on speaking terms, but I just feel that it's difficult to move on if I don't understand what she was thinking when she broke up with me.
I know I treated her well and really cared for her, and anyone I talked to was surprised that SHE would be the one to break up with ME....sooooooo it's a little silly for me to comprehend at this point :P

BTW: That's not her real name ;) I wouldn't do that ahahah



Chloeh
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09 Jan 2011, 8:24 am

She sounds like she could have AS or a mild form. AS a form of autism is in fact genetic which like others have said is a giveaway. Although it is not only an AS trait to be self centered it is common in AS especially in arguments. She sounds similar to me although I consider myself a lot more open than that.

If you are on speaking terms and want to know why she broke up with you, you can simply say the truth or spin a tale about 'not wanting to make the same mistakes' and maybe she will open up to you.

You are fortunate you found this site because this will give you a lot of information on AS :)