Will I Be Able to Live a Normal Life?

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Will I be able to live a normal life as an adult? My Autism Quotient is 38, and I have trouble talking on the phone. I need an assistant to stand by my side at school because this is my first year at a public school and I have so much trouble with organization. My worst fear is that when I'm 30, I'll still be living with my parents and I won't have a full-time job.

I was like that at fifteen. I needed an assistant, or I would be incapable of working. Now I'm eighteen, and I've had three relationships. Something that when I was fifteen, I never thought I'd be capable of.

You'll make it okay. You just need to persevere and take every challenge head on.

If you have a diagnosis of AS I don't think you'll ever grow up to be 'normal' in the sense of being typical or average. But equally, you gain in confidence a little as you get older and y you can do things if you plan for them and push yourself. I'm 33 and I do live at home with my parents. I have lived independently but it is really tough, working, and earning enough money to pay for it.

If I was 15 again, the key thing I would say is to find out what your strengths are, say if you are good with computers or good at writing or whatever you might be good at. And find out NOW how you can develop the strengths that you have to enable you to support yourself in future.

It is possible to work and live independently despite AS but you probably will need to find quite a niche job that doesnt involve too much interpersonal interaction. Such jobs do exist and my psychiatrist says I will find my niche one day...

And so long as you find a job... You can live independently with the right support

Try not to panic just yet!

i'm 28 and still at home and jobless. The employment rate for people on the spectrum is 15% so its possible that you may find employment but the odds are against it. Personally the side of life i miss most is having friends and relationships. I'm not at all bothered about living with my parents or being unemployed/unemployable.

Define normal? No one is normal, they're just themselves.

I had to be removed from school and put in homeschool twice because of school and peer related anxiety. And yet, I made 9 good friends this year, something that was originally impossible for me. You'll be fine eventually, you'll see.

It sounds like a cliche but I think if you really persevere and if you have people supporting you, it is possible to achieve a lot.

I think the reason why a lot of people with AS or HFA are unemployed is probably quite varied too, obviously peoples functioning level varies a lot, but I suppose it depends whether you have anxieties that interfere with working, whether you have skills that can lead to a relatively non-social job, whether you can fake it well enough to pass interviews, whether you are prepared to work in a job that might be considered beneath your qualifications, stuff like that.

I have a degree, and have always worked since Uni but never in a graduate job or a job related to my degree because I don't seem to be able to get through the selection process. I usually try to do admin or excel based work as it doesn't rely too heavily on interpersonal skills. I am underemployed and underpaid compared to other people with similar qualifications though and I get the impression that can be a typical frustration for aspies.

With regards to relationships, I think you just have to do what you feel comfortable with, I have never had any interest in having a relationship but lots of aspies seem to manage successfully so it's not something you can just rule out. You have to be true to yourself, if you feel it is something you want, then work at it, and if you feel you'd be more comfortable alone, then I think you have to work with that. The plus side of a relationship is that from a practical point of view it could make it easier to move out of home if thats what you want to do because it means you share the rent and bills with someone else.

I used to be very hung up on being 'normal' and thinking I would grow up to have a good job, a husband and children, and I have found it really hard to come to terms with that not becoming a reality.

I think part of coming to terms with having Aspergers is that what might be normal to other people might not be normal to us. It doesn't mean that we should give up trying, but equally I dont think we should be hellbent on trying to force ourselves to be or become something we are not!

Actually, I said my AQ was 38, but I took the test again and it was 32.