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Verdandi
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07 Jan 2011, 11:34 pm

Qi wrote:
Talking to someone on the internet tends to give a completely different impression from meeting them. It's mostly not deliberate, but that's how it is. People have much more control over how they present themselves. Internet communication is deceptive in that way.


I've found internet communication allows me to give a more positive first impression that often survives meeting people face to face. If I just meet people cold I am more likely to turn them off or at least give the wrong impression or say the wrong thing without prior social context to mitigate the damage.

I haven't found the people I have met from online to deviate significantly from my expectations. Maybe I've been lucky.



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08 Jan 2011, 1:02 am

I do great compared to in person, but eventually people still will determine that I'm 'weird!' (At least, this last time I was able to answer, well yes, I have AS, which prompted a discussion with someone who'd read up on it, which was nice.) Sigh! :(



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08 Jan 2011, 1:16 am

I wouldn't label someone who has difficulty speaking deceptive because they are able to write eloquently online. However, there do exist entire online communities where teenage boys say things they wouldn't dare say to someone's face. At least, that's my impression.



Qi
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08 Jan 2011, 1:26 am

Here's my theory. For aspies and autistic people, the one important aspect of communication is the verbal one. Body language, voice tone and other means of non-verbal communication play a lesser role. So I imagine for aspies and autistic people, internet communication is closer to real-life communication than it is for NTs. Take me for example. I can seem completely normal and upbeat and energetic through text, but be a complete bore in real life who can barely carry out a conversation unless I'm left to ramble about my interests and such. So an NT would get completely different impressions of me in text and in real-life, because text fails to convey all non-verbal forms of communication that play an important part in creating an impression in real-life.



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08 Jan 2011, 1:30 am

Qi wrote:
Here's my theory. For aspies and autistic people, the one important aspect of communication is the verbal one. Body language, voice tone and other means of non-verbal communication play a lesser role. So I imagine for aspies and autistic people, internet communication is closer to real-life communication than it is for NTs. Take me for example. I can seem completely normal and upbeat and energetic through text, but be a complete bore in real life who can barely carry out a conversation unless I'm left to ramble about my interests and such. So an NT would get completely different impressions of me in text and in real-life, because text fails to convey all non-verbal forms of communication that play an important part in creating an impression in real-life.

Very Well Spoken



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08 Jan 2011, 1:31 am

I'm just another that doesn't communicate well in any medium.


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Moog
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08 Jan 2011, 9:04 am

wavefreak58 wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
wavefreak58 wrote:
I believe that internet communities are inherently deceptive. They allow people that in real life might be reluctant to openly speak their mind to hide behind the pseudo-anonymity of chat rooms and forums.


It's deceptive to allow them to openly speak their mind? I don't understand.

Internet communities definitely mean I say a lot of things I don't have reason, opportunity, or desire to say in real life, and while my reluctance in real life is real, so are my opinions and observations.


The internet allows people to project an image of themselves that is not consistent with their real life. It gives an illusion of freedom. It just seems to me that people develop internet persona around what they would like to be.

Unlike me. I irritate people equally well in real life and on the internet. It's a talent. :roll:


People can pretend to be what they aren't in meat space too.


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Epiphany28
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08 Jan 2011, 10:35 am

I admit it... I love me my forums. Unfortunately, though, I reach a point of social exhaustion there, as well. It's usually lack of intelligence & logic on their part that gets me, as well as their cliques, and abstractification. When I reach that point, athough I'm usually calm and collected, I lash out. Especially on NT Jenny McCarthy threads. LOL! I don't feel overwhelmed in here at ALL. This place makes me come down to earth.


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08 Jan 2011, 11:25 am

I do fine with fitting into online groups except one. It's a group of aircraft and airline hobbyists. About 90% are conservatives on the political scale and they've been increasingly conservative in their feelings since Obama became president. They've turned on the remaining 10% who are independents and liberals; many have left the site. Today, they're throwing a fit over the State Department changing the wording on the passport application. The application will no longer ask for "Father" and "Mother" information, but rather, "Parent 1" and "Parent 2" info. They claim it's liberals shoving radical ideas down the throats of decent Americans. Actually, the State Dept is changing it to make it easier for adopted people to complete the form, but you can't tell that to the members of that website.



Verdandi
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08 Jan 2011, 12:36 pm

Zen wrote:
I wouldn't label someone who has difficulty speaking deceptive because they are able to write eloquently online. However, there do exist entire online communities where teenage boys say things they wouldn't dare say to someone's face. At least, that's my impression.


This is so true.

Qi wrote:
Here's my theory. For aspies and autistic people, the one important aspect of communication is the verbal one. Body language, voice tone and other means of non-verbal communication play a lesser role. So I imagine for aspies and autistic people, internet communication is closer to real-life communication than it is for NTs. Take me for example. I can seem completely normal and upbeat and energetic through text, but be a complete bore in real life who can barely carry out a conversation unless I'm left to ramble about my interests and such. So an NT would get completely different impressions of me in text and in real-life, because text fails to convey all non-verbal forms of communication that play an important part in creating an impression in real-life.


Yes.

I found this post yesterday:

http://www.existenceiswonderful.com/200 ... erent.html

It's a much better version of what I was trying to write in here.



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08 Jan 2011, 6:15 pm

I find it much easier to respond and say how/what I feel in text than in a face-to-face situation, so I think I can blend in pretty well.
The "tone" of a forum becomes obvious quite quickly so it's easy to see if it's worth hanging around.

Using text just seems to come easier and more naturally to me than speech, presumably because I'm not battling with trying to handle social clues, odd expressions, "ooh - you have a mono-brow!", wrinkled clothes, "that small spot 1.75" to the left of your nose" and loads of other puzzles & distractions.

I suppose I do overcompensate a bit by rattling on for far more words that I really should be using, but I enjoy the precision this brings. Or appears to bring to me, anyway. A reader may have dozed off halfway through reading my post, for all I know. :lol:


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Qi
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08 Jan 2011, 10:14 pm

I have a question.

When people stop replying to you, how can you tell whether you weirded them out or lost their interest, or if the conversation simply expired naturally? It happens a lot to me, and it really really bugs me. I always do my absolute best to give the other person my reply ASAP, so I always feel like there's something wrong when they never reply back. This cripples my social development and increases my anxiety, because there's just no way for me to know if I did something disastrously wrong.



Verdandi
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08 Jan 2011, 10:30 pm

Qi wrote:
I have a question.

When people stop replying to you, how can you tell whether you weirded them out or lost their interest, or if the conversation simply expired naturally? It happens a lot to me, and it really really bugs me. I always do my absolute best to give the other person my reply ASAP, so I always feel like there's something wrong when they never reply back. This cripples my social development and increases my anxiety, because there's just no way for me to know if I did something disastrously wrong.


I cope with this by assuming nothing untoward happened until they tell me or my anxiety overtakes my good sense and I just ask them outright. It seems to me that online people are quick to express their disappointment and anger, so silence often seems to me to be more of a lack of response than an emotional response. Maybe I am misinterpreting, though.

I do know what you mean, though. I used to get really stressed when someone would stop replying to conversations - but I do the same thing often enough because I forgot or had nothing to say, so I just started assuming that other people have similar reasons.



wavefreak58
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08 Jan 2011, 10:32 pm

Moog wrote:
People can pretend to be what they aren't in meat space too.


It is harder to do in real life and get away with it for very long.


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Verdandi
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08 Jan 2011, 10:44 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
Moog wrote:
People can pretend to be what they aren't in meat space too.


It is harder to do in real life and get away with it for very long.


How often and to what magnitude has this happened to you, and what kind of harm has it caused?

I've had it happen a few times, but it wasn't a big deal. It's certainly not worth it to me to view people online with deep suspicion. The majority of people I know are pretty much who they present themselves to be. We all filter parts of ourselves on and offline, so that part does not surprise me.



wavefreak58
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08 Jan 2011, 10:51 pm

Verdandi wrote:
wavefreak58 wrote:
Moog wrote:
People can pretend to be what they aren't in meat space too.


It is harder to do in real life and get away with it for very long.


How often and to what magnitude has this happened to you, and what kind of harm has it caused?

I've had it happen a few times, but it wasn't a big deal. It's certainly not worth it to me to view people online with deep suspicion. The majority of people I know are pretty much who they present themselves to be. We all filter parts of ourselves on and offline, so that part does not surprise me.


I don't spend much energy being suspicious. But I think most flame wars are based in projecting attitudes that would never be countenanced in face to face conversation. The tone of conversation on the internet is often excessively strident. I don't know. Maybe people aren't being something different than their real selves. Maybe the real life controlled persona is discarded and their true nastiness is put on display for all to see.


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