why do you want a lover so much?

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ToadOfSteel
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09 Jan 2011, 1:44 am

This thread is directed at the bunch of us that are (somewhat desperately) seeking lovers. And the question I have is: what is it that drives you? What do you see in a potential partner that makes you want to be with them? Is it sex? Is it some form of validation (I'm particularly guilty on this one)? Basically, what do you want out of a relationship?

For me, I have an insatiable need for family. As a kid, I lived in a very family-oriented household. I felt as though I was a meaningful presence in my family's life. But something changed over time. My parents both immersed themselves in their work, often leaving me behind to take care of my LFA brother. My father was still home quite a bit, but I saw my mother less and less, until I started volunteering more at the church she works at. Yes I got to see her more, but then the relationship dynamic changed. She was less my mother now and more just a co-worker. She often had equal or greater consideration for kids in the church than she had for me. Everything just got incredibly distant. We rarely talk to each other anymore unless it's business-related.

Which leads me to why I want a girlfriend so bad. The truth is, I need to start a new family. One that isn't this morass of what used to be love. I don't feel as though my own family truly cares about me anymore, and so I need a new family that I can stand with, for good or ill, in all things. That's why I'm into only long-term relationships. That's why I'm not so sex-crazed, yet open to the idea. Sometimes I feel it would have been better had I not been born. At least then my mother could work more without me in the way...

Anyway, enough of my stumbling around with Freudian concepts... what makes you tick?



lightening020
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09 Jan 2011, 1:51 am

cant really say because I have never had an experience/intimate encounters or a relationship before....

I am lonely.....companionship....sex obviously is a plus........



nthach
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09 Jan 2011, 1:59 am

emotional support and companionship. Sex is just icing on the cake.



monsterland
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09 Jan 2011, 6:33 am

Because, for once, it would be nice to be in a give-and-take, mutually validating relationship. Not one where I constantly give, and also not being single and having to cheer myself up all the time.

I envy couples who "click" and, with some sustained effort, it just "works" for them.

Don't know if I'll ever meet a girl who evades as much of the "real world" as I do, "us against the world" may be a childish fantasy after all... but I simply can't let myself think that I won't.



smudge
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09 Jan 2011, 7:13 am

Deleted.



Last edited by smudge on 09 Jan 2011, 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Aimless
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09 Jan 2011, 7:13 am

I can relate to the need for family. It is comforting to be around someone you can be easily alone with and trust, although I know that isn't true with every family. When you're with family, even when conflicts arise you don't really worry that you're going to be abandoned. I feel much less of a need to have a partner now that I have my son so I don't really think my desire previously was so much a desire for romance than simple easy companionship. Single mom btw. His father was my one and only partner who proved to be a pathological liar and a thief.



ToadOfSteel
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09 Jan 2011, 7:21 am

The funny thing is, my family was never abusive. Far from it. It's just that I'm left all alone, whether by accident or design (although I doubt that it was by design). I know my mother still has some kind of feeling for me or else she wouldnt have helped me through college or let me stay at her house, but whatever she feels for me is largely overshadowed by all the kids she works with.



emjay89
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09 Jan 2011, 7:28 am

i went through high school alone and on my own without any friends, people to talk to etc.

so that would be nice now :-p



nick007
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09 Jan 2011, 9:11 am

I want a partner because I feel completely isolated/cut-off from others. I want to feel like I'm not alone like someone actually cares about me. I'm a better person when I feel like someone is happier because of me


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Jonsi
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09 Jan 2011, 9:42 am

I want someone to love and to love me. :\



Quartz11
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09 Jan 2011, 10:13 am

It just feels nice to have someone out there that truly cares about you, and isn't required by family obligation to do so. Someone that loves you for you and wants to be with you.

And yeah, sex is just icing on the cake... whenever I get that, that is.



spongy
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09 Jan 2011, 11:08 am

-Feel the need to be able to have a meaningfull relationship with another person.(The few times I wasnt actively looking for a partner was because I had found someone I could have this kind of relationship with. Unfortunately finding someone you can have this kind of relationship is almost as hard as finding a partner and the relationships only lasted for a couple of years).


- Companionship. I dont mind doing things on my own most of the time or having to be the one that calls my friends and tries to arrange a meeting 99% of the time but it would be nice to know that theres one person I can allways count on.


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Kilroy
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09 Jan 2011, 11:46 am

if I get one-cool
if I don't-no skin off my ass

that's basically how I look at it



Biokinetica
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09 Jan 2011, 12:48 pm

I want someone to share ideas with - scientific ideas, of course. I'd also like to know what a sexual relationship feels like. I just want a companion like everyone else.



Jonsi
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09 Jan 2011, 2:12 pm

Kilroy wrote:
if I get one-cool
if I don't-no skin off my ass

that's basically how I look at it

As usual, Kilroy, your contributions are greatly appreciated.