now i know why men dont care

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madbirdgirl
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15 Jan 2011, 2:00 pm

this has splintered off into quite an interesting discussion.
and thanks for the replies everyone; i was just feeling frustrated. i know that not all men are like this, but i've met too many cynical, narcissist types who have sought to exploit me.



Chronos
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15 Jan 2011, 4:28 pm

Jono wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Jono wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Nambo wrote:
The only thing I find "inferior" about Women, is thier tendancy to find attractive the sort of men that treat them inferior, just look at the number of threads about women not liking nice guys, my own mother dropped a very nice and succesfull, (and very famous) man, because he was "too nice" and ended up marrying an eveil sadistic child abusing arsehole.

Myself, Ive been out with girls that I have finished with for the opposite reasons you state, I want somebody thats an interlectual equal, if I wanted somebody mentally inferior for company, Id get a dog.


I think you misunderstand the meaning of the term "nice guy". With respect to the conversations on this forum, as used by women, a "nice guy" is not a guy who is nice.

A "nice guy" is usually a passive aggressive man who thinks if he does what he considers to be "nice" things for a woman, then she is obligated to date him. These men will go beyond acts of chivalry in what they do for a woman. They will refuse to define boundaries and will frequently insist on going what is actually out of their way for women, frequently when it's unsolicited. They consider men who do define boundaries and who don't go out of there way to such an extent, to treat women poorly, however, at the same time, they think of these acts of kindness as a type of currency. They feel that they can buy a woman's affection by doing these things. They have a sense of entitlement. When this does not materialize, they become bitter and resentful. They do not really understand how attraction works or what relationships are about. They think things like "I open the door for her, I helped her move, I've never ever made a move on her, I buy her gifts, and a mow her lawn even though she didn't ask me to. She should be dating ME! (because I do all of these things for her)" They aren't really much different from the kid in school who thinks people will be his friend because he's nice to them and buys them things.

A "nice guy"is not the same as a guy who is nice. But many men feel threatened when the subject comes up because of ambiguity in the term. They are nice guys, who actually aren't "nice guys". They are guys who are nice, and they are nice in reasonable ways and don't meet the profile above.


Have you ever considered the possibility that such "nice guys" are just men who are shy or socially awkward around women? According to your description, the only real difference I can really see between "nice guys" and "guys who are nice" is that the so-called "nice guys" are maybe socially awkward, shy or get a little nervous women. Maybe that's why they are "nice" around women they would like to date, because they can't work up the courage to ask them out on a date, not because they're trying to be "sneaky" in being nice just so they can sleep with them. On the other hand, the "guys who are nice" are probably more confident.


There are plenty of socially awkward, shy guys who do not hold the misconceptions of the "nice guy" in the description above, as they do not have a distorted definition of "nice", define boundaries and do not have a sense of self entitlement due to their acts of goodwill. That being said, there are also "nice guys" who are not shy or socially awkward. Some of these men are outgoing and quite social, but they become resentful and bitter when being "nice" doesn't get them the girl.

It's no different than a woman who thinks sleeping with a man, cooking for him, and doing his laundry whether he asked her to or not is going to make him fall madly in love with her, and then slanders his name when this doesn't happen.


Ok, but the socially awkward type usually don't get dates either. Them saying they don't get dates is not due to a sense of entitlement. While, I see guys on this this forum who think they have some sort of entitlement, I can name a few that ate of the other type.


Some do, some don't. Either way, if they are not a "nice guy" then the term doesn't apply to them, and we are not speaking of them. "Nice guys" are actually probably in the minority, even among men with AS.