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hyper_alien
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29 Jun 2006, 10:02 am

I live inside myself
I tend to live there alot of the time
I get told of for spending to much time on my own
When I do go out to meet people
I just feel shunned
I do not belong
I do not belong in the Real World
How is that fair?

I cannot deal with strong sunlight
Heat or Noise
I cannot deal with new foods
Spicy or Hot
They are a big no no
I cannot deal with people touching me
But still they feel like they do have to touch me
At every possible moment
How is that fair?

I go to Cadets
I used to feel welcome there
I think I have out stayed my welcome
The people there just take advantage of me
They are not my friends
How is that fair?

At a party last week I sat in a corner and all i did wass take photos
I was not even allowed to drink alcohol
I can drink legally and they will not let me
How is that fair?

I am dreading going to the Prom
I will have to sit on a table on my own
All I will do all night is sit on my own and play on my PSP
How is that fair?

My PSP and the computer are my only outlets
The only place I feel welcome
The only place I feel safe
I do not mind being on the computer
I do not mind playing on my PSP
But my parents you see
They think I spend to much time on the computer
They try to stop me going on the computer
How is that fair?

The only place I feel welcome is wrongplanet
The people there are great
They are friendly and they understand
But there are people who use MSN who want to ruin my enjoyment
Who just want to make me feel like I am not normal
How is that fair?

In Real Life I struggle alot
I get bullied by people who think people with AS and ADHD should be dead
They call me becuase of my interests
They call me because I look different
I cannot stand the names they call me
Autistic Spaccer and Action Man
How is that fair?

I love having AS and ADHD
They are part of me
I would not change them for the world
But others do
They want me on my medication permenantly
I do not
I am trying to come of them
But I meet resistance at every turn
How is that fair?

My life is worth nothing at the minute
I have found out the people who I thought were my friends
Do not care
They just feel sorry for me
I do not want them to feel sorry for me
But they do not understand
How is that fair?

Life
Life is not fair


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Callista
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29 Jun 2006, 10:25 am

Very well-spoken. I can identify with it.

I'm glad you can express yourself that way; I think maybe a sensitive NT would listen to that sort of description of your life and understand a bit more. People have the reflexive need to connect with others; and when they see someone who doesn't want to connect, they feel threatened. Maybe this way they can "connect" with who you are, fulfilling both their need to connect and yours to stay distant...

But then, I'm an optimist.

People seem to have the idea that you have to be at the center of the Bell curve to be a worthwhile person; but that just isn't so. Some people really can't be talked into going past their own schemas of the way the world should be; and those people are best avoided.


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Ashfire908
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29 Jun 2006, 6:25 pm

Wow..... 8O

hyper_alien wrote:
I was not even allowed to drink alcohol
I can drink legally and they will not let me


How do they not let you?
(also i do not see why this was such a big deal.....)

but beside that........ wow

:idea: you could write a song and someone here could sing it!



jammie
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29 Jun 2006, 8:08 pm

intretsing readinf aliens, as you know i tooka few days to think of a response to this one.

here it is......

please please please please please please please give me a few more day. i still need to find the words

jammie


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<?php

$lion = "constant";
$lil_lion = "escape";
$baby = "dum dum, babo";
$jammie = $lion."sheepy and my comforts";


$jamie = $lion.$lil_lion.$baby.$jammie;
?>


terifo
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29 Jun 2006, 8:52 pm

Wow! That was an incredible view into the life of an Aspie. I'm not sure I understood all of it, but I definitely saw my son in it as well.

Thank you for writing it. I'm going to print it off and save it for one of his bad days. It just seems like he feels better when he realizes he isn't the only one that feels that way.

Thank you for sharing! :)


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hyper_alien
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30 Jun 2006, 6:05 am

That is ok Terifo

I just needed to write down what I was feeling so that not only you guys on here but also people in Real Life could understand what Aspies have to go through on a regular daily basis.

I am currently working on more poems and when I have completed them I will post them on here.

And Jammie that is also ok, I will wait to hear youre response. When it does come I know that what you will say will be perfect.

Thanks


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vivreestesperer
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30 Jun 2006, 2:06 pm

That was amazing, it was great........ I echo so much your sentiments...there are all these problems we have.... and no one really cares or understands....and we have to struggle with them and they're really hard... I agree.



TigerFire
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30 Jun 2006, 2:16 pm

That was a great poem and yeah I agree with you that's the way we should show the nts what we go through every day. You're great aliens.


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grameyer
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30 Jun 2006, 2:24 pm

Dear hyper_alien, Just want to say I love you and you are not alone. You spoke for me. Please...do not feel alone. You have a gift. I will wait for other poems. Don't give up on meds though, maybe you aren't on the right ones. But if you are determined to be ala natural...you are still awesome! Your ADHD/AS friend. P.S. I am a pharmacist and was very embarassed to be on meds...but I have to be and I'm okay if people know now.



hyper_alien
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30 Jun 2006, 4:45 pm

Thanks
I have started to realise the way top realise all my feelings and all that is inside me is through poetry.

More will be coming soon I hope.


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kc0eks
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01 Jul 2006, 3:26 am

hyper_alien wrote:
Thanks
I have started to realise the way top realise all my feelings and all that is inside me is through poetry.

More will be coming soon I hope.


I for one look forward to reading anything new you write! :)


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Solidess
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01 Jul 2006, 4:45 am

That was beautifully written.... And very sad, but yet I see alot of myself in there, in fact, its pretty much exactly the same in my life except for a few spots.

I think it would be wonderful if some Aspies with the gift to express themselves with poetry, songs, or art would get their work to become famous. I think there ARE alot of NICE NTs out there who do understand - to some people, our sad stories just warm and break their hearts, but the cruel NTs do not understand (this is especially true of school life). I have never really been a poem writer, but I think I want to express myself sometimes in song or poems instead of just long blogs or posts. Even though I'm an artist, I primarily draw and design characters, but I never draw an art piece to express my life and feelings. I think I want to try these things....

You have inspired me, and I want to try my hand at a poem or song. It can really warm peoples hearts and I think they would be more likely to read it and be moved by it in poem format instead of long posts.

I can NEVER really understand any humans who feel like bullying and being mean to others because they are different. They have no idea what it feels like to be a lonely outcast and feel like you don't belong to this planet, but are forced to live in it anyway. They have no idea what it feels like to have all these pressures and expectancies put onto us to act a certain way or understand how people think or how things work - it is like there are hidden rules which everyone automatically knows, but we have to work harder and specially at it to practice it and try to be acceptible.

I do want to add, I also felt like I had been very warm welcomed and accepted at certain message boards of my interests for a good while. I think they found me unique and a breath of fresh air. I was even popular for a while. But overtime, I guess, my unique traits just became tiresome and annoying to them, and what would happen is people would come out seemingly in PACKS attacking me. It felt horrible.... I was being called a freak and all these insults came out of the blue, and I couldn't understand why they hated me so much if all this time people were on good terms with me.

BUT, there were the FRIENDS I had made there who were always on my side, and they had added me on their MSN list. After I was through with the board, I could still talk to the nice people through MSN messenger. Who IMs you specifically to HURASS you?! Thats horrible! :( MSN is really a safe haven for me, because I have my friends who already know all about me and LOVE my quirks, and they are pretty original people too! I dont even know if some of them have AS or not, they seem pretty normal to me, one of them is really over the top whacky. I don't know if she has AS or if shes just ADORABLE, but I love her. lol. I've definitely been hit on ALOT on MSN, especialyl if I go on webcam. Alternatively, no one ever gives me the time of day in person, and many a jerk comes out online too on some forums and especially public chat, so I avoid them as best I can.

I hope you block those jerks and just stay in touch with good friends...

And thank you very much for the lovely poem.



hyper_alien
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01 Jul 2006, 11:02 am

Yeah,

Some people on my MSN list do just harrass me.

I have blocked them but more pop up every day.

You should try and write a poem or a song as I feel that, as we cannot communicate well in RL, we should try to find alternative ways to express our feelings and what it is to live as an Aspie.

Thanks all


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Spriteling
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01 Jul 2006, 7:55 pm

I identify with many of the sentiments expressed in this poem.

You're not alone.



TigerFire
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01 Jul 2006, 10:42 pm

hyper_alien wrote:
Yeah,

Some people on my MSN list do just harrass me.

I have blocked them but more pop up every day.

You should try and write a poem or a song as I feel that, as we cannot communicate well in RL, we should try to find alternative ways to express our feelings and what it is to live as an Aspie.

Thanks all


You're not alone with anything that you face aliens. You know you can count me for anything because I'm there for you. You mean a lot to me and I don't think I want things to get worser for you. That was a great poem. I would really want to let you read my novels that I write but I'll have to think about it. Count on me aliens count on me.


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CockneyRebel
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02 Jul 2006, 12:58 am

Your Poem sums up the many different feelings that I experience, day after day. Life isn't fair and sometimes people don't understand that we have feelings. We might not talk about our feelings, but we have them. I feel that people don't really care, so I end up turning to my Art and my Buses and I listen to the Oldies Station all day, until Dinner. I'm also spending time away from my Clubhouse, because I feel that I've outstayed my welcome, there. Thank God my Parents understand that I thrive on the Internet. It's the people who don't know me who ask what's so great about it. I also have my Dog to turn to. I have lots of books that need to be read. If I feel that unwanted, I can set a Goal to read a whole book in a day.