Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

I went to a support group

Page 3 of 3 [ 46 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

Previous topic | Next topic

Todesking
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,088
Location: Depew NY

22 Jan 2011, 6:05 pm

After reading this thread I probably won't go to an AS meet up out of fear filling myself with self loathing after seeing others with AS. Another thing I would be afaid of is seeing people with AS who are dealing well with their lives as mine in spirling down the drain quickly. I really don't know how badly I would react to that so I won't risk visiting it. Thanks for starting this thread you saved me from depression that could have led to who knows what. :wink:


_________________
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die -Hunter S. Thompson


Pobodys_Nerfect
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 600
Location: New Zealand

22 Jan 2011, 6:28 pm

When I went to the group, only about half were diagnosed.



tall-p
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155

22 Jan 2011, 6:41 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
To all outward appearances, I am very high functioning. But there is a very thin barrier between me and a more dependent life.. A few twists of fate, and I'm on the dole instead of employed, alone instead of married. I didn't feel all that different other than in circumstance.

Boy... that is so well said, and fits me like old shoes! I'm sixty-nine in the spring, and I made a go of it. I worked (at solitary jobs), and raised two wonderful daughters (my x was bipolar). My great anxiety was that I KNEW that I was a just one hard fall away from being a homeless person, but I had to keep it together to provide for my children. I haven't worked in twenty years, and I have lived in this town for five years, and I know no one. Ive not made one friend. I know one neighbors first name (Joe). Weeks go by and the only people I speak to are the clerks at my local grocery store.

I would never go to a support group though... it kinda makes me anxious to even consider it... what were you looking for there?


_________________
Everything is falling.


Aquamarine_Kitty
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 155
Location: Way northern California

22 Jan 2011, 7:02 pm

I still think it would be interesting to go to a support group. I think it could make things very clear for me about what part of the spectrum I'm really at. Because at this point, I don't know if I am so high-functioning that I really fall into NTland or have even more aspie cluelessness than most and I am not self-aware enough to realize it.



anbuend
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2004
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,039

22 Jan 2011, 7:45 pm

Personally I don't like real support groups. They tend to encourage an attitude to life that I don't share. But I like meeting people like me in social situations (social is not the same as the way nonautistic people socialize). The first time I really got to know another autistic person outside my family, I was thrilled rather than afraid. She was the first person I knew who moved like me or perceived the world like me and that was great. (OTOH the first time I saw a picture of someone with a face like mine I reacted like a much milder version of what the person with WS did. Kids had picked up on subtle features that no one but trained geneticists could find and made me loathe every single one. Of course they'd made me loathe being autistic as well and my first unknowing experience with a girl who was probably also autistic was hell and I hated her. That was around age nine. By near adulthood though I wanted someone to understand me bad enough it overcame that effect).

OTOH it's strange being on the other side of that experience. At this time in my life I look very stereotypical and I found it weird reading the amount of comments on this thread that suggested it might scare or repulse people to meet me. I once read another book where a man was so afraid to meet an autistic teen that at one glance he ran upstairs and locked himself in a room up there. To him the very obviously autistic looking teen symbolized everything he had worked so hard to hide.

But I'd suggest to everyone that these people you are meeting are not symbols of things in your life. Each one of them is a person with their own life. A person's life is not sad or disturbing just because they look more obviously autistic than you think you look. (Be aware you might look just like them for all you know. I used to think I passed until enough people laughed at me when I said it.) I'd hate to think someone was scared of me just because of my appearance. I never thought anyone might be until this thread and some of the responses on it are uncomfortable for me.


_________________
"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams


wavefreak58
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,419
Location: Western New York

22 Jan 2011, 8:11 pm

Todesking wrote:
After reading this thread I probably won't go to an AS meet up out of fear filling myself with self loathing after seeing others with AS. Another thing I would be afaid of is seeing people with AS who are dealing well with their lives as mine in spirling down the drain quickly. I really don't know how badly I would react to that so I won't risk visiting it. Thanks for starting this thread you saved me from depression that could have led to who knows what. :wink:


I'm quite the opposite. I loathe self loathing so I'm inclined to confront it and vanquish that which causes it. I'm not suggesting that you should do the same. If you feel it would not be good then you need to take your own path.


_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.


wavefreak58
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,419
Location: Western New York

22 Jan 2011, 8:31 pm

anbuend wrote:
OTOH it's strange being on the other side of that experience. At this time in my life I look very stereotypical and I found it weird reading the amount of comments on this thread that suggested it might scare or repulse people to meet me. I once read another book where a man was so afraid to meet an autistic teen that at one glance he ran upstairs and locked himself in a room up there. To him the very obviously autistic looking teen symbolized everything he had worked so hard to hide.


I think what most troubled me is that I had any such reaction at all. I'm a very accepting person. I never feel particularly repelled by people with obvious disabilities. I feel strong emotions, but never repulsion. But being in this group of people and reacting in a way I've never reacted to people with obvious differences was very confusing. For some reason, it was very personal. As I said above, so far my exploration of autism and my place on the spectrum has been a very intellectual exercise. Actually SEEING autism and Asperger's manifested in real people drove things to a new level.


Quote:
But I'd suggest to everyone that these people you are meeting are not symbols of things in your life. Each one of them is a person with their own life. A person's life is not sad or disturbing just because they look more obviously autistic than you think you look.


This is what really angered me with myself. I KNOW these people have more to themselves and their lives, that they are of no lesser value than anyone else in the world. But I found a barrier in myself that would not even let me approach them and get beyond the surface and find the real people in the room.

Quote:
(Be aware you might look just like them for all you know. I used to think I passed until enough people laughed at me when I said it.) I'd hate to think someone was scared of me just because of my appearance. I never thought anyone might be until this thread and some of the responses on it are uncomfortable for me.


No doubt that I appear more like them than not. I know that even if I hold up OK in an NT world, I am never well received. It was just a real ego buster when I ran up against false stereotypes within myself, especially when what revealed it was the very people who are the most like me.


_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.


wavefreak58
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,419
Location: Western New York

22 Jan 2011, 8:37 pm

raisedbyignorance wrote:
LateToThis wrote:
pretty strange to hold a large meeting for people with sensory processing issues in a hard surfaced echo-ey room, and to hold an unstructured meeting for a bunch of folks who usually feel more comfortable with structure.

If it was me, I wouldn't go back, unless some changes were made. You come across really articulate here in writing, maybe you could email the meeting organizer and suggest they change the room, or add carpets, softer furniture, whatever to make it absorb some of the noise and also maybe add some structure in the form of activities, like a speaker, or a video, or demonstrations. I don't know. I really enjoyed some of the get -togethers for the local hospital's autism spectrum program, but they had sort of groups spaces set up, some tables where the nurses handed out different pamphlets on community programs, someone was doing a sushi demonstration, how to make it, and if you stood and watched, you could try a piece of sushi, they had a short program of music performance, maybe 20 minutes with a piano and a guitarist, and also they had conversation groups with sofas and coffee tables and there would be a puzzle or other interesting craft material- I think they had one with different beads and someone showing bracelets that could be made ( no video games or anything). Anyway, it was all set up in a big gymnasium that is usually pretty loud, but they had carpets on the floor and the soft furniture and it made it better. They also lowered the lights- not the bright fluroescent lights they usually have on in the gym.


I agree with this. The OP should write to whoever runs the group about making changes. It's quite possible that he wasn't the only one comfortable in that group. I think some changes will calm more people in the support group.


They actually run two meetings, one is a "quite" group. But it is at a time I can't make.

I'm not inclined to complain. One thing I have learned through much trial and error is that newcomers have very little influence on such things. Wading in and telling a group how to run themselves usually ends badly.


_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.


ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,265

22 Jan 2011, 8:48 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
They actually run two meetings, one is a "quite" group. But it is at a time I can't make.

Is "quite" a typo for "quiet?" Quite is an interesting name for a group.



wavefreak58
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,419
Location: Western New York

22 Jan 2011, 8:51 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
wavefreak58 wrote:
They actually run two meetings, one is a "quite" group. But it is at a time I can't make.

Is "quite" a typo for "quiet?" Quite is an interesting name for a group.


LOL. Yup. I fat fingered that one.


_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.


ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,265

22 Jan 2011, 8:57 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
wavefreak58 wrote:
They actually run two meetings, one is a "quite" group. But it is at a time I can't make.

Is "quite" a typo for "quiet?" Quite is an interesting name for a group.


LOL. Yup. I fat fingered that one.

I was going to ask "How did they end up with Quite?"

*chuckles*



websister
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jun 2010
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 165
Location: Canada

23 Jan 2011, 1:10 am

When I read initial post on this thread I wondered if you were at the same group as I was the night before, but we live in different places. I relate to much of what you said. The group I was at on Thursday was an initial meeting of a support group that started in our area.
I was very anxious about attending, as I'm sure everyone there was. We had the same mix, although at 52, I think that I was the oldest one at this group. I will continue to go and I'm sure that I will continue to grow and learn as a person because of it.
You're comment about seeing yourself during different stages in your life rang very true for me.
I was pleased that ours was support, it was organized and people did seem to feel free to share their experiences and offer support for the others in the room. The only part I found difficult once it got going was "socializing" afterwards.



Surfman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Aug 2010
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,938
Location: Homeward bound

23 Jan 2011, 1:55 am

wavefreak58 wrote:

I think what most troubled me is that I had any such reaction at all. I'm a very accepting person. I never feel particularly repelled by people with obvious disabilities. I feel strong emotions, but never repulsion. But being in this group of people and reacting in a way I've never reacted to people with obvious differences was very confusing. For some reason, it was very personal. As I said above, so far my exploration of autism and my place on the spectrum has been a very intellectual exercise. Actually SEEING autism and Asperger's manifested in real people drove things to a new level.




This is exactly why I think you should go along, as much as I dislike using the should word. Until that aversion toward others in the group is transmuted by just being and spending calm time in company,, you will have a subconscious aversion to yourself.

Recently, I have outed some aspies at the beach I surf at. Surfers, being fit and higher functioning, it is less obvious to perceive. To each stunned single solitary unemployed male I saw the spectrum in, I strongly recommended attending a support meeting.

My reason? To quell any misgivings around ego and aspie pride that may be untrue. One guy an Indian of Brahman class, I suggested marrying a neurotypical bride, which he found very funny....



eudaimonia
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 8 Oct 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 208
Location: trailing off in mid senten...

23 Jan 2011, 2:27 am

Aquamarine_Kitty wrote:
I still think it would be interesting to go to a support group. I think it could make things very clear for me about what part of the spectrum I'm really at. Because at this point, I don't know if I am so high-functioning that I really fall into NTland or have even more aspie cluelessness than most and I am not self-aware enough to realize it.


I attended my first support group meeting at the beginning of this month and it did exactly this for me. I felt like I was at home there, as I am very silent most of the time and there were a few other silent auties in the room. One girl did not even respond when the proctor asked for an introduction.

I did feel a little shy in relation to the other aspies who were clearly quite comfortable sharing themselves. People were mostly talking about their confusions or experiences with other people they had had that left them puzzled. A few brought up the 'time delay' sensation and, ten minutes later I wanted to pipe in. I often don't know what to say in situations where I empathize other than, 'yeah me too!' I think I maybe said 10 words during the meeting.

Next time I go I am going to introduce myself and then make it very clear that I am nervous to be there. I think prefacing myself in such a way might help me to get over some of my shyness.. of course they know I am nervous, but I need to acknowledge it in order to get over it.