Should I post my REAL height/weight on a dating site?
I don't even KNOW my weight
Anyway, I would just leave that option out if you're not comfortable with it. Don't you have a photo on there? Most photoless profiles on dating sites aren't gonna get much I don't think. I could be wrong though
btw there's nothing wrong with not finding bigger women attractive. Some guys don't like skinny girls either. I have preferences when it comes to physical attraction. If I was just looking for friendship, size would mean nothing. For a dating site though, physical attraction IS important to most people. Doesn't make them a bad person
I think you should remain upfront and honest. Someone for whom the weight matters will not allow your personality to win out over his preference when he learns later. I agree with all the others who say it's better to spare yourself the aggravation of hearing from those clowns.
If you're overweight, you might want to consider a BBW matching site, which brings men who dig bigger girls. There's some creeps (like there are creeps everywhere) but you're basically putting yourself in a place where men aren't stupid about weight... in fact, they like it. If you posted your specs here, I missed it so I'm talking blind, but that's my recommendation to avoid the hassle of fatphobic buttheads.
Aren't these men who are into "BBWs" being equally "stupid about weight" just in the opposite direction?
There's nothing wrong with having different tastes in women
That's fair. It's my opinion that it's stupid to have taste preferences that exclude "fat women" based on the outrageous scale that I see women's weight judged.
Full disclosure: this is a pet peeve with me. I'm not fat. I wear a two piece swim suit, form-fitting clothing, and get along just fine... but I've been considered fat by several men because you can't see my ribs through my skin, I don't have a slight frame, and my cheeks aren't hollowed. I'm 112lbs! If I go any lower than 110lbs, I'm going to be unhealthy. It's ridiculous but I attribute that to stupidity. I don't consider men who "just don't like fat women" to be dismissing women who are 200lbs+ but women who are 110lbs+. Anyway, you're right that it's not wrong to just have a preference for a physical type of person but I was referring to something a little more extreme and didn't clarify that.
Bethie
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Would that not be misleading? I'm not curvy. I'm fat.
I'm 5' even and 200 lbs.
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Bethie
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Aren't these men who are into "BBWs" being equally "stupid about weight" just in the opposite direction?
There's nothing wrong with having different tastes in women
I don't know that it's "stupid",
but when I see how many men refuse to consider overweight women,
in a country where that represents TWO-THIRDS of the females,
I can only imagine it leads to millions of lonely men and women.
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For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.
But people can't help who they're attracted to. It's understandable that most men are more into thinner women than fat women, even if a lot of men are overweight themselves. It's just how it is. Almost all the women I've liked have been white - that doesn't mean I am consciously limiting myself to white women as I'd be just as happy if I ended up liking an asian woman or a black woman. It just works out that way. And people's looks are important to the majority of people when it comes to dating
Also if someone's VERY overweight it could be about lifestyle as well, ie if you have a very active life and enjoy things like that you are probably gonna want someone who'll also be into those tings
Also if someone's VERY overweight it could be about lifestyle as well, ie if you have a very active life and enjoy things like that you are probably gonna want someone who'll also be into those tings
It's not just "how it is". It's called social conditioning. We're socially conditioned in western society to define beauty in a particular way. Without going into the piles of evidence of this in our society, we can just look at different societies, past and present, who have different definitions for beauty. Sometimes fat women have been the hot mamas, and the fatter the better. Hell, there was a 2000 year long beauty standard in China that had women breaking and warping their feet to make them seem smaller.
But none of that really helps anything when somebody just wants to go out on a Friday night, though.
Bethie
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Also if someone's VERY overweight it could be about lifestyle as well, ie if you have a very active life and enjoy things like that you are probably gonna want someone who'll also be into those tings
You seem to be saying you can't control what aesthetics arouse you.
That's not the point.
The point was that most people can be attracted by things other than aesthetics-
love and emotional connection to another person, for example.
I don't know what stereotyping fat people's lifestyle has to do with anything, though.
In any case. I closed my account.
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For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.
wefunction is right that attraction involves some social conditioning. . . But social conditioning doesn't have anything to do with the fact that being overweight is associated with a lot of health problems and will most likely result in a shortened lifespan.
You should lose weight, but it should be something you want for yourself. You don't want to decide to lose weight so you'll be more attractive to guys on a dating site.
It sounds like you're embarrassed about your weight. If that's true, I think it's a sign that you aren't happy with your current lifestyle. There are plenty of guys who date overweight girls so I think that not wanting to disclose your weight has more to do with how you feel about yourself.
If you were happy about your weight, you wouldn't be so concerned with how other people reacted to the weight. At least that's what I would think. I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive. I know that people can be pretty sensitive about the weight issue and I hope my advice doesn't offend.
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If someone's very overweight (as in really fat) then of course they're not gonna be able to be as active
Whatever the reasons behind what people are attracted to (social conditioning etc), it still stands that that is what people like. For example I like thin women. I'm not gonna sit here thinking about why that is or trying to change it. It is as it is.
Bethie
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You should lose weight, but it should be something you want for yourself. You don't want to decide to lose weight so you'll be more attractive to guys on a dating site.
It sounds like you're embarrassed about your weight. If that's true, I think it's a sign that you aren't happy with your current lifestyle. There are plenty of guys who date overweight girls so I think that not wanting to disclose your weight has more to do with how you feel about yourself.
If you were happy about your weight, you wouldn't be so concerned with how other people reacted to the weight. At least that's what I would think. I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive. I know that people can be pretty sensitive about the weight issue and I hope my advice doesn't offend.
I can name a dozen things that are more closely associated with poor health that I don't see the vast majority of people refusing in a potential partner. I have perfect blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose, etc. Let's call a spade a spade, shall we?
You don't know the first thing about my lifestyle, and the assumption that you do based on how much I weigh is EXACTLY the type of bigotry I'm talking about.
I'm "concerned" about how other people react to my weight because I'm well-aware of the prejudices surrounding it, and how this impacts my chances of a relationship- it hardly means I share those prejudices myself.
_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.
Last edited by Bethie on 29 Jan 2011, 9:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Bethie
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?
If someone's very overweight (as in really fat) then of course they're not gonna be able to be as active
Whatever the reasons behind what people are attracted to (social conditioning etc), it still stands that that is what people like. For example I like thin women. I'm not gonna sit here thinking about why that is or trying to change it. It is as it is.
Sure, for the superobese, maybe. That doesn't change the fact that "fat vs. fit" is a false dichotomy.
And you didn't address my point- aesthetics are not the only thing that arouses people sexually.
I don't know that seeking to critically examine the influences your preferences are and have been subject to is entirely irrelevant.
Repeating "people like what they like" ad infinitum doesn't address my original comment-
that men who refuse to consider dating and relationships with overweight women in a society where being overweight is the norm
will often condemn both themselves and someone else to being alone.
_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.
Last edited by Bethie on 29 Jan 2011, 10:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I would rather be alone that with a woman I'm not attracted to though
I'm fine with being single
Would you want to be with a guy who was so desperate that he'd be with a girl he didn't even find attractive?
As for people being aroused by other things than looks, of course. But looks is one of those things, and it plays a pretty big part, especially in initial attraction
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