Do people tell you that you are TOO nice?

Post Reply New Topic

I have been told by people that I am too nice.They say things like:

"Why are you so nice to people even when they are mean to you?"

"Girl,you need to get MEAN!"

Even things like:

"I bet you're just nice to get attention."

"You're not really nice,you just want to be popular."


GRRRRRRRRRRR!! !! !! !!Makes me mad!

Does anyone else have this problem?


-SpaceCase

Tell them:
"It's OK. Cute is a weapon.
It lets you get close enough to people to rip their throats out when they least expect it."

I generally rate "nice", but it's not that I can't do nasty. But is it worth the hassle? Not often, by my scoring system.

And I've never worked out why, If I'm having a bad day, that gives me an automatic right to spread it around.

But I do note that many others appear to calculate differently.

One of my college professors said:


"We were trying to figure out who was absent today (me), but we couldn't figure out who."

"You're too nice. Get angry sometimes!"

woah you are one mean sick twisted beatch......you wana go out sometoime?

It seems that lots of aspies are “too nice.” We seem to fail to develop a sense assertiveness, a sense of boundaries, “this is acceptable, that is not.” And not just aspies but lots of NTs too. One reason for non-assertiveness is a desire to be liked and accepted. Another is guilt. It’s a survival mechanism. On the other extreme is rip-their-throats-out aggression. There’s a book out there called “WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY HOW TO COPE-USING THE SKILLS OF SYSTEMATIC ASSERTIVE THERAPY” by Manuel J. Smith (Dial, 1975). Check it out.

I usually get the 'oh, you're gone? No one noticed' type of comments now, but in middle school I ended up displaying the 'rip-their-throats-out' type of aggression MrMark mentioned to anyone that annoyed me. Being able to leave bloody streaks all up and down someone's torso with your nails because they would not keep their wretched hands to themselves and QUIT TOUCHING ME had its uses. Since people generally leave me alone without benefit of that reputation now that I'm in high school a different state (moved for unrelated reasons--I was doing fine in high school of the old state), I haven't felt the need to cultivate my old reputation.

In kindergarten we have two rules:
1) No hitting or yelling.
2) If you’re going to hit, yell instead.
When my 9-year-old neighbor was 4, we spent a lot of time together while his dad was at work. He would hit, I would yell. ”YOU DON’T HIT ME, IF YOU’RE MAD AT ME, YOU YELL!” I would always apologize later for yelling. Of course, sometimes a more aggressive response is appropriate. When “QUIT TOUCHING ME!” doesn’t work, hit instead.

In kindergarten we have two rules:
1) No hitting or yelling.
2) If you’re going to hit, yell instead.
When my 9-year-old neighbor was 4, we spent a lot of time together while his dad was at work. He would hit, I would yell. ”YOU DON’T HIT ME, IF YOU’RE MAD AT ME, YOU YELL!” I would always apologize later for yelling. Of course, sometimes a more aggressive response is appropriate. When “QUIT TOUCHING ME!” doesn’t work, hit instead.

Very true. I'm like that with people. Keeps your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Most people say I'm naive.

Then wise up.

Yeah i'm nice. Nice and far too willing to help people, do things for others against my own better judgement or inclination. I don't know why, not because i wont to be liked, not because i feel guilty. I just like being helpfull!

All the damn time * bangs head against the nearest wall* but after trying to be a complete jerk (that lasted for about a month) I am pretty well convinced that I am a hopeless nice guy. This may mean finishing last but at lest I can live with my self when I do.

What really really gets me mad is when you do something nice for some one, like way out of your way something super nice and then they complain about it. Grrrr I hate that. I also hate when girls say “I should get a nice guy like you” Yeah right 2 days later there dating a bigger jerk than they were before. Then I get to hear all the crap.

Check out the sections on women's issues on my CliqueBuster's page ar http://www.FoolQuest.com/cliquebusters.htm

You're preaching to the converted brother, been there, done that. It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

That expression is such rubbish. No-one keeps their enemies closer than their friends. It is wildly impractical to keep enemies closer than friends, unless your friends are not very close at all, but then they are not really friends.