What's on your mind right now?

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Currently unfit for heavy labor.
Did it anyway.

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So sleepy

Hoping to improve my health by adding new medicine to my current formulary.

Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?

My girlfriend and our vision of our future together

all i hear is gangsta...you aint built like that...dont make me have to pull a tool and really tilt yo cap

Just had lemon balm tea.
Didn't tasted much. Not even the supposed descriptions of it's flavors.
It was subtle at best. Nothing weird, nothing good or bad. Maybe I'm under steeping it.

Then I get way less stress.
Almost no overwhelm or some form of hyperactivity like symptoms. I almost don't feel tired or on some hurried sickness.

But still.
My issue remains. My sleep didn't changed much so far.
My functioning just went from PMS-y to PMS-free self but still not my best of states.

Better being just functioning ⅗ths of me than cope with ⅕ths for another week.

Maybe this best before my period management.
Hopefully during or after ovulation as well because I get more reactive at those times.


So stress, not even potential physical anxiety, is not the issue then...
This part of me in my head still remains asleep. Still refuses to work with me. Still this unreliable self just minus stress for a factor.

Basically a version of me on vacation, I guess? Except I cannot complain with being bored, but with being busy.

Yet the magic isn't there, the well of self control, my truer expressions of intentions... That sensation on top of my head working and alert.

Then, what is it, then?

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Ferrets

and Dragons


and Pigs


OH MY!!


Hurry up Raleigh!!




Fall Back Down - Rancid

I hate driving and don't want to have to drive ever again.

Being on my knees while assembling plastic mats with holes actually just hurts. It's been 2 days now and it's still sore.

Hm.

I may or may had sprained my ankle for the first time. Nothing major. I just have to take it a bit easy and not move my foot a certain way.
Thankfully, a heavy rain, having a really dirty shirt and getting sick gave me enough excuse to go easy walking.

Still, this sore throat is annoying. Why can't a pack of strepsils just finish the job?

Not drinking lemon balm past 24 hours would give me those heavy like feeling symptoms along with other things like irritation and more dysregulation.
If this is a sudden contrast from PMS to nonPMS but otherwise still hormonal... It's a progress to see a contrast then. All I have to do is wait and try another 'phases'...

.. Speaking of phases, my body is 10 days late from period.

I don't know if lengthy luteal phase is a bad news because it means lengthening time of PMS, or a semi-good news because it means I'm 'adapting' somewhat.

How? It's been over 3 weeks.
Anything less than 2 weeks long then sudden changes -- well, I don't have a damn chance to 'adapt'! I'd just continue chasing coping strategies that gets obsolete and forgotten damn every other weeks of years inconsistency for the rest of my life.

You know what?
I'm thinking of birth control pills.
After trying and affording vitamin D next month -- calcium failed though. Magnesium barely make it.
Specifically ones that just reduces or diminishes periods.

Or at least make hormone levels consistent THEN I'd adapt to some new body normal than having to unlearn, relearn and forget before I even had a chance to even realize any changes to adapt at all!

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Some old lady was at the creek and was complaining, saying she "didn't come here to deal with kids"... The creek full of kids, that she saw was full of kids when she arrived. She also yelled at me, my cousin, and the guy with us at one point.

Homer Simpson
Peter Griffin
Hank Hill.
The three famous cartoon dads in adult animated sitcom history. I just realized something they have in common. Each of them has been buttloved by an animal.
Homer Simpson by a panda.
Peter Griffin by a bull.
Hank Hill by a dolphin.

A day laborer had the nerve to call me "China" (in Spanish). He was not emotional and he didn't act racist sexist or homophobic or anything like that. But the day laborers are not even supposed to be in the parking lot. As a Lot Attendant, the day laborers have caused me more problems, than the customers and employees combined. But the training videos said nothing about them.

Blisters on bottom of feet. 39 years old. Five months ago I was 125#. Have not stepped on a scale since. Feel old, fat, slow, weak, heavy.

Worried about how much longer I could continue that job.

Plenty of people work standing up. Restaurant retail sales. Some of them heavier, fatter, older, unhealthier, than me. They work more hours than me. How do they do it?

Off leash dogs

Military

ASM Don's last day was yesterday. But he said he is going to be a vendor and coming back once a week to say "hi". Don was the most popular person in the building. Tracie wrote on Don's goodbye apron, that nobody else has ever written "don't leave" on an apron before. Tracie has worked there 20 years.


______________

Five years of testosterone and my head looks the same as before

Microscopic amount of facial hair

A couple extra leg hairs

Voice a lil lower

Appetite about one and a half times as before

Period, frequency intensity duration

Other than that, negligible changes

______________________


Bored on days off. Could use a hobby

Water park. $$$, time, energy. Diseases, homophobia. Last time I went to a water park alone, I felt like a loser asking people to let me go on slides with them. (Some slides require customers go in multiples of two).

But even if I went to a water park, it would just be one day

At loose ends

Dead end "job"

Destroyed my "life "



_____________________


Yesterday a security guard at Safeway had the nerve to tell me that his partner said that I was "caught stealing" and they "reserve the right to refuse service to anyone". I asked him to please look at my ID card and see that I didn't get caught stealing, but he refused.

(Reminds me of the time Rolando penis had the nerve to tell me that Kayla b***h banned me from aikido)

f**k Kayla b***h

f**k Rolando penis

He and I were both calm

Wrongful Accusation

Mistaken identity

Precious lil "people" have told me that I look just like

Vivian
Cynthia
Yordy

And et cetera

Male, female, Chinese, Japanese, Peruvian

Safeway can do anything it wants, legal or illegal. Short of winning a civil lawsuit, you can't stop them


Feet hurt

Yesterday took a testosterone shot

____________________

Every time I email cory he keeps pressuring me to convince a manager to transfer me from Lot Lizard to Bookkeeper. But cory doesn't know how things work (or don't work) at home Depot. He doesn't understand that he doesn't understand. He keeps acting like, just because I have a degree and not many coworkers have degrees, I could pick my job. In some companies that might be the situation. Not home Depot. And Cory often ignores everything else I write and ignores entire emails


Dena talks too much and she's too emotional

She keeps saying "what" instead of "excuse me"


With "friends" like that, who needs enemies?

Frenemies

[quote="IsabellaLinton"]Ferrets

and Dragons


and Pigs


OH MY!!


Hurry up Raleigh!!
Unicorn on its way.
Neigh!

Lots of rain from where I came from.

Also workplace moving onto a new location...
Closer at home for about 15 mins walk closer.
With more options all around also closer to the high way.

But... It's still no good for biking. Not while there's still about 3 months of wet season.

Also cramps. Which is affecting my state of being.
Maybe I'll stop using this particular menstrual cup. It's too firm.

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