What's on your mind right now?

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Things are looking up! Hooray!

I got some stuff done for my latest book, and sorted out some dialogue-only scenes, a grand overview of the whole book, and a bunch of loose notes into three piles.

^ Keep up the good work! *cheering you on*

^Well, thank you very much!

I'm so very tired of humans trying to insist that all I need to cure my depression is more social interaction/friendships, and insisting that my close bonds with my family don't count (I don't even bother mentioning my online social interaction, because I know they'll say that doesn't count, either. It counts plenty to me, though.). "But humans are social creatures!" Yes, and that's one of the reasons I seriously believe I'm not human - because I'm perfectly content going without even the social interaction I do get, and seem to be lacking that urge/need. But no matter how many times I tell those few people who know I have the soul of a dragon, they insist that I still must need social interaction.

^I know how you feel, dragon. I often have the same problem, being an emphatic symbiont. I make friends rarely, treasure the few I have, and can and do form intense bonds, yet lots of people don't get that it's perfectly fine for me to be introverted.

Would this cheer you up at all?

Precious lil "people" from aikido keep telling me to "relax"

But maybe I can't "relax" on command and precious lil "people" can



Pain receptors, personality disorders

A lot of the time someone does a technique too rough

But maybe I have too many pain receptors

The minimum force is eleven Newton's

The margin of error is five

Someone used seventy




But I am afraid to tattle on them

There are so many of them

Maybe I am wrong


Even if they are wrong, then what?

Maybe the instructor is biased in their favor

B/c they are having sex








My personality is not adaptable


If it's survival of the fittest then I should not have been able to continue living for thirty five years




The world is a torture chamber, with my personality

The world is not a playground or amusement park

Everyday normal sounds hrrts my ears

There are a lot of foods that I can't eat

Sensory problem

Autism

Gender identity Disorder



My heart feels repressed

Today outside of trader Joe's, saw a former precious lil "friend"

She was alone with no dog

So I avoided her

She might have seen

She didn't chase me




Her attitude got on my nerves


"Holier than thou" attitude

She acted like she had a moral right to do whatever she wanted and I could not show any anger, lest she tell me "you got mad"

Why doesn't she concentrate on what she did to make me "mad"

Instead of labelling and judging my emotions

As if nobody should ever get "mad " about anything


But there are justified reasons to get "mad"

For example, homophobia






Written contract

A priori

I had the opportunity to catch the tail end of the TV show, The Social this afternoon before Dr. Phil came on. The black woman said that she's proud to be black and that she's going to do things her way because she's different and she wants to embark on that and celebrate.

I applied it to myself and decided to listen to Oompah instead of The British Invasion while having my afternoon tea, posting on WP and watching Dr. Phil today. I also wore my cute, pea green Lederhosen instead of one of my helmets this evening even though it's not yet October.

The problem with a friendship contact is that nobody would sign it

Anyone that signed it must have something really bad going on

If they sign it, they could still violate it

It is not possible to list an exhaustive list of everything someone should not do

Unlimited things someone should not do

And then they might want me to do certain unreasonable things for them too


And then it's like business. Work. And not social. Fun

And then I get attached to them

And when they violate the contract I feel reluctant to say anything

Because fear of abandonment






Some things ought to go without saying;