What's on your mind right now?

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Why 'rely' on something so... Unreliable?

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People staring at me is one of the things that frustrates me the most. I want people to leave me the f**k alone. I hate people. I don't even have to do anything and everyone looks at me weird.

Can't find the right stuff on the net, couldn't find the right stuff locally... Yet.

Aaannd I don't wanna end up spending 2 to 3 times a cost of something meant for repeated use/bulk buy/whatever-I-only-use-it-once-maker just for a single project.


Can't wait until Sunday.

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My aunt asked me if I got chest binding tape because of that guy targeting me (to like, make myself less desirable to men or whatever). I just want a flat chest because I'm trans. lol I get the concern though.

I'd get and get to wear a binder because I actually need sensory pressure input on my torso...


Now I had a tiny moment of meltdown.
But instead of destructive violent rage, contained or focused, it's more like akin to just suddenly running away...

For a moment, I lost my sense of preservation.
I lost a lot of things to mind for a moment -- how late I'm, how my bag could be so fragile and it may fall off, how much I'd be sweating and may smell after, how dangerous it actually is running across the road and without looking left and right, and whatever everyone else was thinking when they saw me sprinting whether it's funny or unfunny...
In fact, sight was irrelevant. The noise was irrelevant... Not even tiredness of sprinting or where my body is at... Only that it's running on it's own. For a moment I didn't have to mind breathing.


And it felt good.......

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My mother is recovered, mostly. From COVID-19 that is. 60ish, so not young, but not too old. Severe underlyings. A "mild" course. Immunocompetent. The only treatments, which were recommended by me: she's taken 2000 IU of Vitamin D daily for a couple of years and took Cetirizine throughout the course of illness, both in the hopes of lowering inflammation. About the same as me in the end, albeit I'm a few days behind her. 40ish. She generally did better than relatives of similar age or younger.

I suppose that's our pandemic experience, just rather late in the game.

I'm glad you're both doing better now, Dill.

Was the anti-inflammatory just for her breathing, or did she have inflammation elsewhere?

Thanks, IsabellaLinton,

Cetirizine is just a basic antihistamine that one can probably find in their local grocery store, let alone a chemist. It'll lower proinflammatory mediators that might be detrimental by causing too much cellular damage (I won't lecture, but that explains it); SARS-CoV-2 has a lovely habit of causing the release of said mediators (I'll stop myself for lecturing why that is too), which isn't the best thing to have happen to one's lungs. There's some peer reviewed stuff out there on such. It helps with Long Covid too for the same overall reason. Any antihistamine will do in the end.

I figure that it's not going to hurt, and the theory for why they'd be beneficial is solid. Standard dosage.

I got two of my little cousins a couple gummy tarantulas for tomorrow. My aunt said that their mom doesn't allow them to have candy though, so I'm going to have to sneak it to them... lol

I'm leaving tomorrow morning for hopefully six days of hiding in nature. How long I'll be gone will come down to one of two things...the weather and my water supply. I had planned to leave earlier this week, but I still had lingering fatigue and then something important came up. Mostly I'm glad I can get out of here this week at all. I'm still calling it a win. Packing is mostly done. I still need to grab some clothes, and the food has to wait until tomorrow. Beyond that, everything else is checked off my prep list. More things to do around the house today. I need to mow the lawn and get more cleaning done. I can't stand coming home to a dirty/cluttered house after being gone or having to stress the yard when I'd rather relax after unpacking. Nothing planned for the day beyond that so it should be easy enough to get it all done. It's good to have the energy again and not require naps throughout the day. I'm looking forward to getting out of here. I need this. My sanity needs this.

moving by the end of the year; probably to florida. there’s a family business that’d be able to be worked for around boats, if not in the water(if able to dive with the lungs had), while it’d also allow going back to school, given there’s nothing invested in them here outside of the most costly area of nashville. actually having public transit again, until able to drive again, would also be good.

the alternative is returning to california, but without going to school, and gaining experience, heading back at the moment would be like jumping into a tar pit for the millionth time hoping for different results just because the familiarity would be rather comfortable deep down. it’s a place one can only thrive once established, otherwise it’s hell.

I have been sleeping pretty well the past couple of nights, and have only woken up once each time. I hope I keep sleeping like this.