I think I am screwed

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First, I have never been diagnosed, my several close friends/family members and I are pretty convinced I have Asperger's. I've never pursued a diagnose because I am a pilot and it would affect my ability to fly, for a while anyway.

Background: I am recently married and moved to live with my husband. I don't know anyone here and am obviously terrible at making friends, especially with women. Unfortunately, being married, I don't feel it's appropriate to be friends with men. Even more unfortunately, my husband is a military officer and it's expected that I form friendships with the other wives.

And there is my problem. They hate me. I feel like I'm back in junior high, with women rolling their eyes and giving me looks like, "Oh, you again". I've heard people talking behind my back. It's incredible. I have learned to mimic at work and am wonderful at professional chit-chat, but that doesn't work with this group - in fact, I think it makes it worse. I don't even think I come off as socially awkward, just different somehow, someone they don't want to be friends with. I honestly don't know how to be a "typical woman" and it's not something I can fix by mimicking, since I can't figure out how they are acting to begin with. I don't want to hurt my husband's career by being standoffish (not to mention I am so lonely I'm going insane), but my self-esteem can't take anymore of their crap.

Any thoughts?

I would say "screw them and their expectations" and stay home. Is it really going to adversely affect your husband's career if you aren't socializing? Has it done any harm thus far?

We've only been married six months, so not yet.

But when he's in a command position, definitely.

And more than that, it's very, very isolating. Every day I don't talk to anyone is a day that I forget how to socialize.

I understand how that works. The less I socialize the more out of practice I become and the less I want to do it. If this is something you absolutely want to do, and it has to be your choice, then you need to contact someone about getting a diagnosis and some CBT and possibly some anxiety meds. From there all you can do is practice, practice, practice.

From my personal viewpoint, I would never ask this of my wife.

I understand where you're coming from.

I live in a military town. Although I don't have any direct connections to the base, many coworkers are military spouses. I'm married too. I definitely have more difficulties with women than men, though truthfully, I haven't yet found anyone that I wanted to put forth the effort to befriend. And most people outside the Asperger community don't understand how much an effort it really is.

I wish I had a simple solution,... two or three words that could fix everything. Unfortunately, I can't even fix the problems I have with my coworkers.

Maybe it'll help a bit to know you aren't alone. I hope so.

He's not really asking it of me, I knew it was expected of me when we married. He IS asking that I make friends, since I'm so lonely without them and taking it out on him.

I just wish there was some way I could know what these normal people wanted of me.