I'm an NT forming a new I'm-not sure what with an Aspie

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So, I guess I'm looking for some advice here. So some background information - my fellow is military and I did notice some odd behaviour, but attributed it to depression (which he has admitted to...) We originally started off as dating but he was rushing the sexual aspect, and clearly didn't understand my reasons behind wanting to slow down. (in fact I told him outright what I was willing to do/not do but he backed off totally). We're now hanging out as friends.

But, as I'm getting to know him he's showing all the signs of Aspergers. (i volunteer in a psychology field so I've been recognizing the signs) The biggest thing so far is that when it comes to crossed signals or understanding my side of things, he can get very frustrated and it really drains him. I of course find that occasionally his lack of social understanding (rude/not rude) feels a bit like being hit by a mac truck. But I like the guy, and instinctively know that there isn't anything ill-meaning behind it. The problem is while I don't get angry, I can get anxious about it and then he gets upset about that. Usually, we manage to talk through it.

So here's my question - he hasn't told me whether he's Asperger's or not and I'm unsure if I should let him know of my suspicions. He's very private and I know he's suffering from feeling isolated (and perhaps some combat related problems). Is it best to let him "come out" to me when he's comfortable? Any tips for me that would maybe assure him when things get a little whacky?

I wouldn't make him aware of your suspicions, it could annoy him if he actually is NT. I suppose it depends on how close you both are. If you are at a level where you can say anything to each other then go ahead and talk.

He probably needs to do it at his own pace. I did not self-identify as aspie until about five years after I would occasionally run across it in books or news items, although I thought it was a pretty cool 'disorder.'

Maybe measured honesty and medium steps? Accept him for who he is, which it sounds like you already do. Accept him for being different in some ways, and it sounds like you already do this, too. In fact, you might more readily accept him being different in some ways, than he can accept himself being different in these same ways.

Okay, a couple of notes:

I have patchy social skills, above average in some areas, below average in others. I sometimes find it frustrating and get angry when I'm not operating at my A game. I'm trying to consciously develop and accept that a B game is plenty good enough in many life situations.

I need a lot of alone time. In particular, I am a huge walker and think nothing of taking an hour and a half walk in large part to think through issues or to get centered emotionally. With depression, alone time can be both a good thing and a bad thing. Or, it can start out a good thing and slide into a bad thing.

As I understand it, depression can start off situational and become biochem. And each person's biochem is a little different, so an anti-depressent which might work great for one person, might hardly work at all for another person. And the important thing is to have a doctor you can halfway talk with who has the patience to keep tinkering with the medication.

In particular, your fellow is not stuck with psychologists and psychiatrists, who tend to be prima donnas and pontificators. Imagine your friend who has served in combat sitting in a room listening to a psychiatrist tell what feelings are normal, when this psychiatrist has not served in combat and there's a large dynamic where this guy just likes to hear himself talk! And that really is a surprising percentage of so-called mental health professionals. As a volunteer you may have seen some of this, a professional trying to "be right" or "be brilliant," instead of just ping-ponging back and forth a regular conversation.

So, a good 'regular' doctor, like an internist or family practitioner, can prescribe an anti-depressent. And if it's not working in three or four weeks, which I understand is about the time frame, try another. And it might take trying four or five different medications, and that's fine.

Note: NOT A DOCTOR