overly attached friend?

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so i've found myself in a strange and uncomfortable situation with a friend that seems almost scarily attached. (warning: this will be a long post because i want to get everything out before asking for feedback.)

backstory: i've just started grad school and the girl in question is the only person in my major who also happens to live in the dorm. she approached me first some two weeks ago. since then she's wanted to do everything together. she messages or calls me every day and gets upset if i dont have or wont make time for her.

for example: she insists we do our homework together, except that she can't concentrate if anyone talks while she's studying. she's also very high-strung about getting work done, whereas i'm very relaxed. i don't understand the point of us sitting together in silence. i mean it'd be one thing if we were dating...

on that note, she's bisexual. i'm very straight. most of our friends are bi or gay, with just a handful of straight folks. several people have commented that she seems to have a crush on me but i've made it very clear that i have absolutely no interest in women. she also seems very inclined to touch me though i make no such advances. she's always announcing that we're best friends, as if we were back in middle school. honestly, we've known each other all of two weeks!

i transferred out of a very easy computer class we were taking into a children's lit class and she followed me even though she doesn't seem to care about the subject. she was also prepared to follow me into beginners french or german even though she took both as an undergrad. i mentioned i was interested in studying french in montreal this summer and she immediately decided to come with me, even though she can't afford it. she wants me to spend all 5 days of our next break in her hometown but she lives in a tiny speck on a map and i just fled such a place to come back to my hometown: new york city.

i live in a four bedroom flat in the dorm and she lives on the floor below me. she gets very hostile when my roommates come by and want to talk to me. even though she's a guest she will purposely take up all the space on our large couch, forcing my roommates to stand or sit on the floor. she stormed off one night because my roommates started talking to me. considering i'm rather fond of my roommates her behavior really doesn't please me.

i do wonder if she falls on the spectrum; she denies it vehemently. which honestly surprises me because she's always trying to make us seem more similar than we are (even when the stretch is very big indeed), and just about everyone here knows i'm an aspie. she even talked of getting a pixie cut (my hairstyle, which would look horrid on her.)

she can't seem to control herself in a conversation. if she doesnt get to say what she wants to say, she'll start being very rude. she huffs, puffs, talks over people or comes back to whatever she wants to say in the middle of another conversation. she also rocks when she gets excited. i'm not sure if this is a stim or just excitement as i've never known an aspie who did this. she also can't seem to control her volume. whispering is beyond her. most of the time she speaks very loudly, even if it's 3am and everyone in my apartment is trying to sleep.

she can get a bit scary when it comes to not having her say. i know i have some trouble with this myself but i'm very careful to apologize or make myself wait. she's pushed me a time or two when i've stopped her from speaking. that startled me quite a bit, especially since she's rather a bit larger than me.

she is kind of a ditz at times. we were supposed to be helping someone carry stuff back to the dorm and when she went to get her coat she decided to go get coffee even though we were strapped for time and she would have needed both hands to carry anything. another time we were going to an underground party in the dorm (we live on a dry campus) and had just come back from the liquor store and she kept trying to get our group to go into a room full of RAs. even later when i explained it to her she didn't seem to understand why it would have been a bad idea.

i thought i was the only one who found her annoying but my roommates finally commented on it a few days ago. if they hadn't i would likely have resigned myself to being bothered for the whole of grad school. i'm a bit passive in friendships. i've never had a friend who wanted to be with me so intensely. i've been avoiding her all weekend. i'm afraid that this is only the beginning and that she will only get more attached as time passes. this is only two weeks after meeting. she's already talking about living together next semester. she thinks i'm mad at her when really i just think our relationship is very unhealthy and only likely to get worse.

i would flat out tell her this but i'm scared of how she'll react. i mean that literally. it's not her feelings i'm worried about but rather my safety. any thoughts on what i should do? avoiding her is tough b/c we know all the same people but i don't think pretending to be friends would work out either.

Are we sisters? I had a friend who was exactley like that for the longest time. She took up the couch. She took up my entire bed with her supersized body. She talked about what she wanted, and got annoyed when she had to stop talking. She was also a ditz. I don't see her too much anymore.

how'd you manage to get out of the situation?

I currently find myself in the exact opposite situation. I am an Aspie (and gay) who has become intensely attached to another Aspie (who has shown apparent gay interest towards me). But he is so extremely avoidant towards everybody that he will not even let me talk to him... while still occasionally showing a strong interest. Now I find myself on the edge of having to avoid this guy completely that I care about more than heaven and earth combined for the sake of my own peace of mind. It really does hurt too. Look at my profile and follow my recent posts to see more of this story... look for the thread on memorizing things.

I sent her home the time that she invited herself to my place when I was still living with my parents. She had an arguement with her dad. She thought it would be a great idea if her and I could have popcorn and my dad's ice cream after my mum went to bed. I asked if she had a toothbursh in her purse. She said that we can share mine. I gave her $20 to take a taxi home and told her that her staying over wouldn't work out. She agreed and sat on the love seat with her eyes tearing up. I've also stopped phoning her eventually.

Trust your gut. Maybe use your intellect to come up with a plan or some of our ideas here, but once you kind of have a plan, trust your emotional reaction whether or not the plan feels promising.

Idea 1: Tell her in a public spot like a coffee shop. Keep it brief, matter-of-fact, decent, 'We need to kind of cool it, and you need to treat my friends with respect.' And just let it be. Don't say more.

Or maybe just
'We need to cool it. I'm sorry. It's just all too much.' [even briefer]
[pause] then get up and walk away

(or coffee shop, mid afternoon, half empty. )