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wefunction
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20 Feb 2011, 7:41 pm

bigbadbeast2007 wrote:
wefunction wrote:
. She's too clingy, too immature and the relationship does not feel like a partnership to you. Instead, you feel like you're parenting your girlfriend.



Yes exactly!


Then follow the rest of my advice in my first comment. The last thing I care to know about is another jerk in the world acting like he's doing a girl a favor by staying with her while trash talking her to anyone who would listen because she doesn't fit the mold of his preconceived notions of what a partner should be. Let her find someone better suited and you go do the same. There are quite a lot of people out there who would easily love and appreciate her for who she is.



SoulcakeDuck
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20 Feb 2011, 10:07 pm

wefunction wrote:
bigbadbeast2007 wrote:
wefunction wrote:
. She's too clingy, too immature and the relationship does not feel like a partnership to you. Instead, you feel like you're parenting your girlfriend.



Yes exactly!


Then follow the rest of my advice in my first comment. The last thing I care to know about is another jerk in the world acting like he's doing a girl a favor by staying with her while trash talking her to anyone who would listen because she doesn't fit the mold of his preconceived notions of what a partner should be. Let her find someone better suited and you go do the same. There are quite a lot of people out there who would easily love and appreciate her for who she is.


Well said.

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draelynn
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20 Feb 2011, 10:23 pm

Have you considered that she may have clinical depression? I'm NOT a doctor but I do know that when I'm in a bad way, domestic things go out the window. I get fearful and clingy. If you actually do love her and want to help make this relationship work, explore all the possiblities.

If you can't be bothered - do her a favor and move on.



TheWeirdPig
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21 Feb 2011, 10:23 am

wefunction wrote:
There are quite a lot of people out there who would easily love and appreciate her for who she is.


Quite true.



League_Girl
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21 Feb 2011, 12:51 pm

bigbadbeast2007 wrote:
Yes! Thats right i have a girlfreind and she is on the spectrum apparently has mild hfa high functioning autism. she comes from a very lazy background, in other words shes a slob. Her mother could not give a rats about her. Any way it,s an effort just to get her to do anything! I practicaly have to scream at her just to get her tio pick up something off the floor or take a dish to the sink! And thats not right! I thinks she has a mentality of a pre-teen reminds me of an earlier version of my self!! :evil: :evil: here is a little back ground she fell on her head as an infant had some sort of infection as an infant. So i am about to give up and move on :evil: :evil:



That reminds me of my first ex. I would dump her and move on if you can't deal with it anymore. Sometimes we can't change things in people so we have to either accept it or move on and that means breaking up with them.

God this thread makes me feel like a jerk when people brought up conditions to explain her laziness. But I dumped my ex and moved on. He made a choice to stay the way he is, well I made a choice to not want to deal with it for the rest of my life so I dumped him. Also the fact he didn't want help. He wasn't ready to be a grown up so it was stressful for me and taken a toll on my depression and anxiety back then and it was starting to effect my job and my daily functioning. Yes I did try and help him and he blew it all off every time. He just didn't want help.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Feb 2011, 1:07 pm

Dump her and send her my way, I'll take a good care of her.



wefunction
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21 Feb 2011, 1:12 pm

League_Girl wrote:
God this thread makes me feel like a jerk when people brought up conditions to explain her laziness. But I dumped my ex and moved on. He made a choice to stay the way he is, well I made a choice to not want to deal with it for the rest of my life so I dumped him. Also the fact he didn't want help. He wasn't ready to be a grown up so it was stressful for me and taken a toll on my depression and anxiety back then and it was starting to effect my job and my daily functioning. Yes I did try and help him and he blew it all off every time. He just didn't want help.


If you'd come here during that relationship and trash talked him from the same frustrated stand point, I probably would have told you the exact same thing I told the OP. That being said, it seems like you didn't even have to go that far. You realized it was not going to work and got out of there. Sometimes leaving isn't the worst thing in the world someone can do to another person. Staying in a relationship with someone when it's not right can be far worse.



Zur-Darkstar
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21 Feb 2011, 1:30 pm

I really haven't met that many people that are actually "lazy" as in just wanting to sit around and do nothing all the time and be taken care of. I have met many people that love to throw around the word lazy and attribute this quality to anyone that doesn't match their personal standard of cleanliness, or their level of activity and exercise, or their ambition to have a successful career, or their personal standard of what constitutes an acceptable work ethic, or has a disability and gets SSI, or is unemployed, etc. In this sense, I view the word "lazy" as a derogatory much like "stupid" "idiot" and "jerk". Like those terms, it's ultimately defined by the speaker and used, however appropriately or inappropriately, to elevate oneself relative to some other person and imply one's own superiority to the person in question. I try not to use these words.

People have different levels of motivation and energy for different things. They also have differing tolerances for clutter and mess and differing needs for material comforts. I have a level of clutter and mess that simply doesn't bother me. Why make the bed? I'm going to sleep in it again tonight. What is the point of this daily ritual? It seems to me to be work dedicated to no purpose other than vanity. My uncle's apt. is so messy that there is stuff piled up everywhere except a path to his computer, TV, bedroom, etc. I sometimes joke about it and I couldn't stand that myself, but he lives on his own so that's his business if his landlord lets him do it. Some people want a big fancy house. Some people want a small cozy house. Some people don't give a s**t if they live in a trailer. People's lifestyle is directly related to their income and if they don't care about material possessions, it shouldn't be too surprising they're not very driven to have a highly successful career or a high paying job.

So, basically, you and your GF have different ideas of what constitutes a pleasant lifestyle. Her autism may have something to do with this as sometimes there are executive function difficulties to consider, so you might consider talking to her doctor and find out more about her condition and what limitations and challenges it places before her. To some extent, relationships are about compromise, and one person should never be the one doing ALL the compromising. Ultimately, you have to decide if you love her enough to take care of her and continue in what seems to be an unequal partnership. People tend not to want to change their lifestyle, and lifestyle compatibility is the biggest thing I look for in a potential partner.



TheWeirdPig
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21 Feb 2011, 1:45 pm

Zur-Darkstar wrote:
I really haven't met that many people that are actually "lazy" as in just wanting to sit around and do nothing all the time and be taken care of. I have met many people that love to throw around the word lazy and attribute this quality to anyone that doesn't match their personal standard of cleanliness, or their level of activity and exercise, or their ambition to have a successful career, or their personal standard of what constitutes an acceptable work ethic, or has a disability and gets SSI, or is unemployed, etc. In this sense, I view the word "lazy" as a derogatory much like "stupid" "idiot" and "jerk". Like those terms, it's ultimately defined by the speaker and used, however appropriately or inappropriately, to elevate oneself relative to some other person and imply one's own superiority to the person in question. I try not to use these words.


I think "lazy" can also be associated with fear (if there isn't a medical reason for it). Understanding the fear may help understand why there is the lack of motivation.



League_Girl
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21 Feb 2011, 1:52 pm

I live by this rule of thumb: Everyone is lazy.

As of right now, I have clothes I need to put in the dryer but I don't feel like doing it right now. I will do it when I feel like it. So I am being lazy.

I do not understand why "lazy" is has a bad stigma to it because people seem to get upset by that word. As a child I learned lazy means not doing something that needs to be done, taking too long to get to it. I remember mom telling me I was lazy to hang up my coat because I claimed I didn't have the time to go in the closet, grab a hanger and put my coat on it and hang it up. I just wanted to get to my Barbies or whatever. Mom told me I was being lazy. That word did not bother me. I remember when my brothers and I weren't feeding our cats, our parents called us lazy. We just didn't feel like doing it and mom and dad were doing it so why should we? They had mice to catch.

Because I am lazy, I do not get mad at my husband for not doing things right away. When he says he will do it, I leave him be. I don't nag him.

I get too lazy to go to bed, too lazy to argue with someone, too lazy to even eat, too lazy to get off the computer, too lazy to even play my video game I got from Gamefly, too lazy to watch a TV show, too lazy to watch something I got from Netflix, too lazy to go out and have fun. I even get too lazy to make a post.

I embrace the word, everyone is lazy, everyone does things under their own standards. Just as long as it gets done, why should it matter when they do it? Let them be lazy until they want to do it. It's not like they never will and it's not like they won't do it for another week or for another few days. We're all too lazy for things. Even to have fun. :wink:



bigbadbeast2007
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21 Feb 2011, 8:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Dump her and send her my way, I'll take a good care of her.


Lol, are you patient



Wombat
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22 Feb 2011, 1:47 am

bigbadbeast2007 wrote:
Yes! Thats right i have a girlfreind and she is on the spectrum apparently has mild hfa high functioning autism. she comes from a very lazy background, in other words shes a slob. Her mother could not give a rats about her. Any way it,s an effort just to get her to do anything! I practicaly have to scream at her just to get her tio pick up something off the floor or take a dish to the sink!


Ask yourself this question:

"Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman?"

If the answer is no then get out of the relationship as quickly and cleanly as you can.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Feb 2011, 12:12 pm

bigbadbeast2007 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Dump her and send her my way, I'll take a good care of her.


Lol, are you patient


Somehow.

But I am not better than her.



nick007
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24 Feb 2011, 8:48 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
bigbadbeast2007 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Dump her and send her my way, I'll take a good care of her.


Lol, are you patient


Somehow.

But I am not better than her.

I would date her. She sounds very similar to me on some things & I would love to find someone who can relate to that. I had to ask


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