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Darke
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23 Feb 2011, 5:03 am

Ok. I will try to not make this a giant wall of text that no one will read this time.

My name is John. I am 34 years old. I've been married twice, soon to be divorced twice. I have three kids that don't live with me.
I've been bullied and belittled all my life by my family, kids at school, teachers, both spouses, etc. I felt for a long time that I was defective and this was just my lot in life. I still have trouble feeling self worth, but I guess I'm getting better. I have a girlfriend now who is supportive of me, so that's a big help. Though sometimes I feel bad because I'm like another kid for her to raise even though I am a grown man. I've never really lived on my own and I'm not really sure that I could. I did drive a truck for a few years, so I technically lived by myself in the truck. Existed may be a better term. I really wasn't taking care of myself.

Anyhow, I'd been searching for quite some time to figure out exactly what is wrong with me. I was prescribed antidepressants in high school and again in my 20s, though I didn't feel like depression was it. I was depressed, but I didn't think medication was the answer because I was depressed about things going on in my life. I was released from the navy during bootcamp with a diagnosis of 'depressive disorder with schizoid tendencies' and 'mixed personality disorder.' I read up on schizoid and learned that it's antisocial behavior, but had quite a bit of trouble with the mixed personality disorder. One of my friends from school, who was studying psychology, finally found a definition for me. Something about having symptoms of various disorders but not enough in any one to make a diagnosis. Of course, I suppose it was a rushed interview and maybe if it was longer I would have a more proper diagnosis.

Which brings me to a few months ago. I was doing google searches on what I perceived my symptoms to be and stumbled onto Aspergers, which I'd never even heard of before. But as I read I had a series of 'aha' moments. More 'aha' moments as I watched videos on youtube from people with aspergers. One of which talked about his site so here I am. I've been lurking around since about November reading your stories and feeling like many of you are telling my own story. I finally built up the courage to post. Not sure what I expect to come of it, but I figured I have to start somewhere.

I've been considering going back to talk to some sort of doctor again now that I feel like I know a bit more about whatever is wrong with me. I've been putting it off because I feel like they won't believe me. Most everyone I've talked to about it says 'But you seem pretty normal to me' but from what I understand, it's not unusual for an adult to become more adept at covering up their symptoms to appear more 'normal.' I don't spend much time around anyone to get noticed either, I suppose. Most don't know that I have a family history of mental illness, or a personal history of self harm and suicide attempts.

Ugh, I'm gettin more deep than I'm comfortable with at the moment so I guess I'll stop rambling and just leave it at that for now. Thank you for reading.



Aimless
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23 Feb 2011, 5:09 am

Welcome to Wrong Planet Darke :)



Tim_Tex
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23 Feb 2011, 6:31 am

Welcome to WP!


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peterd
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23 Feb 2011, 8:05 am

There are more than a few of us who've stumbled across similar revelations, Darke, And yes, it's not uncommon for us to work out some sort of accomodation with what the world will let us do. Welcome



Brainfre3ze_93
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23 Feb 2011, 8:27 am

Welcome!


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JetLag
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23 Feb 2011, 12:01 pm

Hello and welcome to the Wrong Planet neighborhood, John.


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richie
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23 Feb 2011, 12:37 pm

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To WrongPlanet!! !Image


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23 Feb 2011, 8:07 pm

Welkome to WrongPlanet. :)

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