people....

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right now i am a very lonely 17 year old boy.Nothing no longer interests me and i dont go to college.I have no place to meet anyone ,as i do not leave the house, and I dont think anyone would want to be friends with me.I am sick of being single and would like a girlfriend and mates ,but I am realy stuck atm.I distanced myself from the world for the last 2 years,locking myself away and leaving school at 15.I was(and still am quite highly at times) very suicidal.I literaly do not leave the house,i dont see a point ,dont know what to do or where to go ,and have noone to go anywhere with.I have never gone to a party or a social gathering or anything.I just do not know how to live a social life.It is a mystery to me.People just seem to confuse me.......

Just to satisfy my curiosity, why do you think no one will be your friend? I do not want to make assumptions about your suitation.



I cannot speak for anyone else here, but I can relate to what you are saying. I want to be more social, participate with other people but at the same time I find it very hard to be social because I do not understand or misinterpret people. But it is not impossible to be social, just have to work at it.

You have to realize that what comes naturally to most people is hard for you. You have to realize that is fine and there is nothing wrong with being that way. Regardless of what anyone else may say, you have to accept yourself for how you are. Then you can work at being more social by understanding what it is to be social and interact with other people.

The first step in understanding is to read and try to make sense of it. That is how websites like this one will come in handy. Then once you think understand then go out and try to be social. Doesn't have to be anything big at first, something like going to the store and interacting with people is a good way to start. You have to accept that you will make social mistakes and blow a lot of chances to make friends. Do not let it get you down, just try again.

If you do not understand what you did wrong then come here and ask people here what went wrong. Don't be shy about it. A lot of people here I imagine have been in the same situation and can give advice that you can understand.

When you feel more comfortable, then expand to something more socially challenging. Like going back to school, volunteer work etc... Eventually you will be in situations that making friends and having a girlfriend are easier to accomplish.

I will not lie to you and say it will be easy. From my experience it is very hard and painful and long road. But it is worth while when later you have a few close friends that you can relate with and be social with and no longer feel alone

If you have aspergers, then it is possible you have co-morbid conditions like depression, this will require medication from your doctor, during your later teenage years it is sometimes possible that a window of change appears and you shed some of your old routines, this is an opportunity for you to progress and develop new routines this can be a fearful time, not knowing where you are going but being trapped by your present style of life. it will pass and you will develop new ways to manage the sameness we all prefer as aspergerians. I have experienced the window of change a number of times, it seems normal for AS. Write a list of the things you want, then work out a method of how to get them, eg girlfriend, method wear fashonable clothes (age appropriate), use deoderant, find out what music girls like. Talk to girls (join a club etc), strike now while the window of change is open. Goodluck


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if i knew then what i know now i would have kicked myself.

Your post echoes my current mood. I'm sorry I can't offer any insight or advice to you, but just know that you're not alone in these feelings. That alone may bring some joy to know, to know that these struggles aren't just felt by one person, but a whole community of people who at times feel the same way. I know this may not help you, but it's what helps me cope sometimes.

I agree with mikeseagle, it's important to not let failure get you down. Aspie or not, any given indivdual will try and fail at thousands of things in a lifetime. The best that we can do is see each failure as an opportunity to learn, and try again. As an example, I had to watch a number of youtube videos dozens of times before I could figure out how to do the simplest crochet stitch. I marvelled at my inability to learn but kept at it, and now crochet little dolls for the kiddies in my life. (I still only know one stitch, but I consider this a small victory)

It's a long and possibly unappealing road, but interacting with other people is a major aspect of the human experience. Locking yourself away sure sounds good, but may not be a sustainable solution; I think being active in the online community could help you find your voice (especially if you're among peers who can understand your frustration and are willing to honestly tell you what you might be doing wrong, or a better perspective from which to approach something), and from there you'll be in a better position to take on the world!