Which have it harder? Male Aspies or female Aspies?

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Which do you think has it harder? Male Aspies or female Aspies?
Males 25%  25%  [ 65 ]
Females 25%  25%  [ 65 ]
Both 32%  32%  [ 84 ]
I don't know 18%  18%  [ 46 ]
Total votes : 260

Sweetleaf
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01 Mar 2012, 2:04 pm

JonnyBoy wrote:
Definately males. Women expect men to be reasonably competent in social interactions (or else get a sexual harassment charge, a slap in the face, or worse), whereas there is no equivalent demand on women.


I did not know I expected males to socially interact perfectly.......or that I would accuse them of sexual harrassment, slap them in the face or worse.

I guess I learn something new every day 8)


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Sweetleaf
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01 Mar 2012, 2:07 pm

ChangelingGirl wrote:
This may''ve been said already, I didn't read the whole thread, but it's my opinion that females hav eit harder emotionally, because they can hide their AS traits and even if they can't hide them, they are not recognized, which often leads to anxiety. But males have it harder socially, because they are often more openly eccentric.


I was told I was weird when I was 5 by a classmate, and was never treated like i was normal by anyone so I don't think that applies in my case.


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01 Mar 2012, 2:13 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
ChangelingGirl wrote:
This may''ve been said already, I didn't read the whole thread, but it's my opinion that females hav eit harder emotionally, because they can hide their AS traits and even if they can't hide them, they are not recognized, which often leads to anxiety. But males have it harder socially, because they are often more openly eccentric.


I was told I was weird when I was 5 by a classmate, and was never treated like i was normal by anyone so I don't think that applies in my case.


Same, I was told straight away that I was weird., especially by other girls. I think if I were an Aspie I'd be much more like the ones are being described as openly eccentric here and for whatever reason it's never bothered me that much.


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01 Mar 2012, 2:19 pm

EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
ChangelingGirl wrote:
This may''ve been said already, I didn't read the whole thread, but it's my opinion that females hav eit harder emotionally, because they can hide their AS traits and even if they can't hide them, they are not recognized, which often leads to anxiety. But males have it harder socially, because they are often more openly eccentric.


I was told I was weird when I was 5 by a classmate, and was never treated like i was normal by anyone so I don't think that applies in my case.


Same, I was told straight away that I was weird., especially by other girls. I think if I were an Aspie I'd be much more like the ones are being described as openly eccentric here and for whatever reason it's never bothered me that much.


Well being told that did not really bother me, because that particular time the classmate was not trying to be mean, more just making an observation about me. It was more the treatment I got for being weird that bothered me rather then being weird.


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AllenVincent
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01 Mar 2012, 2:27 pm

I voted males because males get punished more severely on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder and more easily have services unlawfully denied to them, especially in my experience.



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01 Mar 2012, 2:36 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
ChangelingGirl wrote:
This may''ve been said already, I didn't read the whole thread, but it's my opinion that females hav eit harder emotionally, because they can hide their AS traits and even if they can't hide them, they are not recognized, which often leads to anxiety. But males have it harder socially, because they are often more openly eccentric.


I was told I was weird when I was 5 by a classmate, and was never treated like i was normal by anyone so I don't think that applies in my case.


Same, I was told straight away that I was weird., especially by other girls. I think if I were an Aspie I'd be much more like the ones are being described as openly eccentric here and for whatever reason it's never bothered me that much.


Well being told that did not really bother me, because that particular time the classmate was not trying to be mean, more just making an observation about me. It was more the treatment I got for being weird that bothered me rather then being weird.


There seems to be an acceptance of "quirkyness" as they like to call it now (of course not accepted by everyone) but I was bullied in middle school, only the first two years. I guess my behavior changed somewhat after that.

I'm still told I'm weird, I don't think I changed tremendously, people are just very critical in middle school. Somewhere along the way I guess ti became obvious to a lot pf people that I don't actually care if they think I'm weird. This leads to some people thinking I'm a nutjob for not being ashamed of my weirdness, I think a lot of people actually want the weird person to feel guilty about it, and then they treat them with some sympathy. I've had people call me crazy behind my back. Luckily I've come out of situations like that knowing who my real friends were and still keeping a few.


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01 Mar 2012, 2:40 pm

AllenVincent wrote:
I voted males because males get punished more severely on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder and more easily have services unlawfully denied to them, especially in my experience.


Yes I am sure autistic females never get punished as harshly as autistic males......sorry but its a blanket generalization not to mention you did not even specify what sort of punishment or for what which makes it even worse because that makes it even more of a general statement.

Anyways what I am trying to say is maybe 'it seems like males get punished more severely' rather then males get punished more severely as if it is a proven fact. would have been better wording.

but don't worry I am being difficult about this issue with others who have made blanket statements in this thread as well.


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01 Mar 2012, 2:44 pm

Pointless question IMHO. No man will ever know what it's like to be a woman and vice versa. Even with the advent of sex changes, transexuals will never know what it's like to grow up as whichever sex they end up choosing. That said, it is impossible for anyone to have a truly objective opinion about this.


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01 Mar 2012, 2:44 pm

EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
ChangelingGirl wrote:
This may''ve been said already, I didn't read the whole thread, but it's my opinion that females hav eit harder emotionally, because they can hide their AS traits and even if they can't hide them, they are not recognized, which often leads to anxiety. But males have it harder socially, because they are often more openly eccentric.


I was told I was weird when I was 5 by a classmate, and was never treated like i was normal by anyone so I don't think that applies in my case.


Same, I was told straight away that I was weird., especially by other girls. I think if I were an Aspie I'd be much more like the ones are being described as openly eccentric here and for whatever reason it's never bothered me that much.


Well being told that did not really bother me, because that particular time the classmate was not trying to be mean, more just making an observation about me. It was more the treatment I got for being weird that bothered me rather then being weird.


There seems to be an acceptance of "quirkyness" as they like to call it now (of course not accepted by everyone) but I was bullied in middle school, only the first two years. I guess my behavior changed somewhat after that.

I'm still told I'm weird, I don't think I changed tremendously, people are just very critical in middle school. Somewhere along the way I guess ti became obvious to a lot pf people that I don't actually care if they think I'm weird. This leads to some people thinking I'm a nutjob for not being ashamed of my weirdness, I think a lot of people actually want the weird person to feel guilty about it, and then they treat them with some sympathy. I've had people call me crazy behind my back. Luckily I've come out of situations like that knowing who my real friends were and still keeping a few.


I was not ashamed of the weirdness until people started attacking me for feeling like it was ok to be weird and that being myself is good. So yeah it was mostly how I got treated by people during my childhood that caused me to start feeling bad about it and like I was a freak or whatever. I mean it was like 'oh no child it's ok for normal people to be them selves, but when it comes to you, you should feel guilty and change who you are or the bullying will continue.' no one said that to me but it was the impression I got quite early on.


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AllenVincent
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01 Mar 2012, 2:56 pm

Ok I'll be more specific.... I think male ASD's get punished more easily and readily from services because we usually perceived to be a more physical threat due to usually being bigger and stronger than females. Sometimes in my life over time, when I've been angry or upset... people have said to me Allen if only looks could kill...... only in 2010 I learnt that my face does not correctly display my emotions etc so whilst I might think I am merely annoyed or aggrieved... others may see my face as the look of death lol I don't know any other way of putting it but it's most unfair really.



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01 Mar 2012, 2:59 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
ChangelingGirl wrote:
This may''ve been said already, I didn't read the whole thread, but it's my opinion that females hav eit harder emotionally, because they can hide their AS traits and even if they can't hide them, they are not recognized, which often leads to anxiety. But males have it harder socially, because they are often more openly eccentric.


I was told I was weird when I was 5 by a classmate, and was never treated like i was normal by anyone so I don't think that applies in my case.


Same, I was told straight away that I was weird., especially by other girls. I think if I were an Aspie I'd be much more like the ones are being described as openly eccentric here and for whatever reason it's never bothered me that much.


Well being told that did not really bother me, because that particular time the classmate was not trying to be mean, more just making an observation about me. It was more the treatment I got for being weird that bothered me rather then being weird.


There seems to be an acceptance of "quirkyness" as they like to call it now (of course not accepted by everyone) but I was bullied in middle school, only the first two years. I guess my behavior changed somewhat after that.

I'm still told I'm weird, I don't think I changed tremendously, people are just very critical in middle school. Somewhere along the way I guess ti became obvious to a lot pf people that I don't actually care if they think I'm weird. This leads to some people thinking I'm a nutjob for not being ashamed of my weirdness, I think a lot of people actually want the weird person to feel guilty about it, and then they treat them with some sympathy. I've had people call me crazy behind my back. Luckily I've come out of situations like that knowing who my real friends were and still keeping a few.


I was not ashamed of the weirdness until people started attacking me for feeling like it was ok to be weird and that being myself is good. So yeah it was mostly how I got treated by people during my childhood that caused me to start feeling bad about it and like I was a freak or whatever. I mean it was like 'oh no child it's ok for normal people to be them selves, but when it comes to you, you should feel guilty and change who you are or the bullying will continue.' no one said that to me but it was the impression I got quite early on.


I do think that's how they see it, unfortunately. There really is no right answer, you either develop a lot of depression and anxiety while trying to change yourself and take on the shame of being weird, or are called a nutjob behind your back and sometimes even to your face.

It's pretty sad that so many people are this way, and in my case I was called that more so because my acceptance of my own weirdness bothered them more than my actual weirdness did. I hate to bring being a woman into it because the constant male/female comparisons drive me nuts but I do think a lot of people also want a woman to WANT to change herself, or at least have low self-esteem if she's not entirely normal.

So some of what's being said in this thread is true, but the males on the spectrum have unique challenges.


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01 Mar 2012, 3:07 pm

AllenVincent wrote:
Ok I'll be more specific.... I think male ASD's get punished more easily and readily from services because we usually perceived to be a more physical threat due to usually being bigger and stronger than females. Sometimes in my life over time, when I've been angry or upset... people have said to me Allen if only looks could kill...... only in 2010 I learnt that my face does not correctly display my emotions etc so whilst I might think I am merely annoyed or aggrieved... others may see my face as the look of death lol I don't know any other way of putting it but it's most unfair really.


I kind of get what your saying, that maybe due to being perceived as more of a physical threat that could make some situations more difficult.

However I would not assume females don't get treated as a threat simply due to smaller size in all cases. I am quite small and as a child I was always smaller than most people my age. Yet I managed to have a girl call me a psychopath and people comment on how my lack of eye contact can come off as threatening and I've also been told when I laugh it kind of looks as though I am blankly staring with my eyes and that it can come of as a little creepy..........So yeah I've had to deal with some unpleasantness due to people finding me threatening for whatever reason. Though at the same time there were plenty of people who just found me to be an easy target and did not seem threatened in the least.

Also just confused on the wording but how exactly does one go about getting punished from a service? I don't quite get what is being implied there.


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01 Mar 2012, 3:25 pm

EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
EXPECIALLY wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
ChangelingGirl wrote:
This may''ve been said already, I didn't read the whole thread, but it's my opinion that females hav eit harder emotionally, because they can hide their AS traits and even if they can't hide them, they are not recognized, which often leads to anxiety. But males have it harder socially, because they are often more openly eccentric.


I was told I was weird when I was 5 by a classmate, and was never treated like i was normal by anyone so I don't think that applies in my case.


Same, I was told straight away that I was weird., especially by other girls. I think if I were an Aspie I'd be much more like the ones are being described as openly eccentric here and for whatever reason it's never bothered me that much.


Well being told that did not really bother me, because that particular time the classmate was not trying to be mean, more just making an observation about me. It was more the treatment I got for being weird that bothered me rather then being weird.


There seems to be an acceptance of "quirkyness" as they like to call it now (of course not accepted by everyone) but I was bullied in middle school, only the first two years. I guess my behavior changed somewhat after that.

I'm still told I'm weird, I don't think I changed tremendously, people are just very critical in middle school. Somewhere along the way I guess ti became obvious to a lot pf people that I don't actually care if they think I'm weird. This leads to some people thinking I'm a nutjob for not being ashamed of my weirdness, I think a lot of people actually want the weird person to feel guilty about it, and then they treat them with some sympathy. I've had people call me crazy behind my back. Luckily I've come out of situations like that knowing who my real friends were and still keeping a few.


I was not ashamed of the weirdness until people started attacking me for feeling like it was ok to be weird and that being myself is good. So yeah it was mostly how I got treated by people during my childhood that caused me to start feeling bad about it and like I was a freak or whatever. I mean it was like 'oh no child it's ok for normal people to be them selves, but when it comes to you, you should feel guilty and change who you are or the bullying will continue.' no one said that to me but it was the impression I got quite early on.


I do think that's how they see it, unfortunately. There really is no right answer, you either develop a lot of depression and anxiety while trying to change yourself and take on the shame of being weird, or are called a nutjob behind your back and sometimes even to your face.


It's pretty sad that so many people are this way, and in my case I was called that more so because my acceptance of my own weirdness bothered them more than my actual weirdness did. I hate to bring being a woman into it because the constant male/female comparisons drive me nuts but I do think a lot of people also want a woman to WANT to change herself, or at least have low self-esteem if she's not entirely normal.

So some of what's being said in this thread is true, but the males on the spectrum have unique challenges.


Everyone on the spectrum has unique challenges.......Also they more obliterated any ounce of self esteem I might have had as well as any foundation that might have been there to build self esteem from. So yeah I think a lot of the time people who did these things knew exactly what they were doing...but I am also used to my experiences being dismissed as nothing. For instance:

One incident took place were I was basically minding my own business waiting in the lunch line when the two boys who typically bullied me the most started messing with me, trying to taunt me to push or hit one of them I really don't know why so eventually I did push one of them and somehow managed to knock over three other people in the process. Which even to this day I don't get because I was smaller than them all.

Then the teacher who saw a lot of this, took me to the teacher that actually taught my class and told her I had attacked the other kids more or less. I tried explaining I just wanted them to leave me alone and thought I had to do what they said to get them to stop, and had no intention to actually knock anyone over. The response to that was basically 'oh well if they told you to jump off a cliff would you?' totally ignoring that they were harrasing me so yeah I was the only one who got in any trouble.


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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 01 Mar 2012, 3:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AllenVincent
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01 Mar 2012, 3:26 pm

Sweetleaf I mean getting unlawfully banned from a service. One quick example, I made disability discrimination complaint to my Doctor..... I was then removed from Dr's register so I don't have a Doctor anymore (this is victimisation under England's Equality Act 2010 ) Sometimes I swear and that is put down as being abusive...wtf ! I swear some provoke me or push my buttons...... In England it is also called "denial of service" and "direct discrimination arising as a consequence of disability" I've a major headache tonight so bear with me with my wordings ladies and gentleman. So Sweetleaf, if what's happened to you happened here in England, it'll actually be discrimination and is against the law.



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01 Mar 2012, 3:37 pm

AllenVincent wrote:
Sweetleaf I mean getting unlawfully banned from a service. One quick example, I made disability discrimination complaint to my Doctor..... I was then removed from Dr's register so I don't have a Doctor anymore (this is victimisation under England's Equality Act 2010 ) Sometimes I swear and that is put down as being abusive...wtf ! I swear some provoke me or push my buttons...... In England it is also called "denial of service" and "direct discrimination arising as a consequence of disability" I've a major headache tonight so bear with me with my wordings ladies and gentleman. So Sweetleaf, if what's happened to you happened here in England, it'll actually be discrimination and is against the law.


Ah I see...I figured it was something like that. And yes a lot of what has happened to me in life is against the law, but that did not seem to deter people. I even had police officers illegally search my room when I was in highschool, because a girl(my best friend at the time or so I thought) tried to set me up by writing a threat to kill people on a certain day on the wall at school in order to set me up. so I turned her in and then she tried telling them I had plans written to do all kinds of terrible things........when confronted with this evidence against me I explained those were my note books my counselor told me to write my negative bad thoughts in to help me deal with it in a more healthy manner and that NO i did not want to hurt anyone.

They still ended up trying to charge me for having seen her write the crap, I mean honestly I did not know what to do at the time but I don't think that is a crime.


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