The main difference might be self-confidence and the confidence other are willing to give you?
Boys tend to be told that they can do anything? Boys are expected to be successful? Boys get way more encouragement then girls do, so boys tend to be more self-confident, often thinking to much of themselves?
Boys are always under a spotlight to justify all the encouragement they get. And because they did not have to work for all this encouragement they learn that just showing up is enough. And anything that shows weakness causes this encouragement to turn to doubt: So everything should look like it's easy and effort less? Successful boys never show weakness. That is how boys learn to never ask for directions. Why "working hard" is uncool. That you should always deny any need for help. No matter how much it hurts, boys don't cry. Boys don't ask advice. Boys never ask help. Boys stand by their words, they never change their minds…
Finally boys are told that only successful men are real men, to fail is to be nothing, to be worthless. This is how society can justify sending boys in to harmful situations: The real men that are worth it always come back alive and those that didn't make it are used to encourage the next generation of boys to prove themselves. So boys learn that they constantly need to prove they are really men.
Quote:
Women are more open to being taught than men.
There are no girl-wonders, especially in this business. But men all think they’re the next boy-wonder, and the industry treats them as if they are. It’s embarrassing. I’ve watched editors who have been editing films for thirty years kiss some young upstart’s ass, and I think, “Why are you kissing his ass? He should be kissing your ass. You’re the one with the experience, he’s brand new. Let’s see him sustain the career you’ve sustained.” They all coddle these boys, and it’s to the detriment of the work.(
source)
So while aspie boys generally get much more encouragement then aspie girls, this has also the effect that when aspie boys fail to live up to these often unreasonable expectation they will fall so much deeper. They are build up just to knock them down again. The encouragement of before turns to blame, guilt and doubt; Because the encouragement of before wasn't really based on actual performance, just promise and expectation but not actual merit.
Girls in general are expected to be quiet, silent, polite, and nice. Girls are seldom encouraged to do something and often even discouraged from even trying? It's easier for girls to hide, to stay out of the spot light. On the other hand, any succes that they do have is seen as something exceptional? Any praise girl do get is often actually more then deserved not just based on unfulfilled expectations.
Girls are discouraged from putting themselves in dangerous situations. Girls only rarely need to fear becoming expendable. Girls are not considered less female when they show weakness, when they ask for directions, or when they are seen to work hard to learn something difficult. Girls do tend to be seen as female first and individual person second. Some of the time the spotlight on girls shines much brighter than the spotlight on boys does, but this light is also much dimmer most of the time. Girls are allowed to reinvent themselves, to change their minds, but are also rarely taken serious and often ignored.
Our gender based culture is a double edged sword that is very sharp at both sides and cuts deep wounds in all of us.
02 Mar 2012, 4:25 pm
