Which have it harder? Male Aspies or female Aspies?

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Which do you think has it harder? Male Aspies or female Aspies?
Males 25%  25%  [ 65 ]
Females 25%  25%  [ 64 ]
Both 32%  32%  [ 83 ]
I don't know 17%  17%  [ 44 ]
Total votes : 256

nikki15
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02 Mar 2012, 4:25 pm

I think it depends on the person's attitude and the social situation.



Aaam
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02 Mar 2012, 4:29 pm

So…

girls and boys with AS have it both hard, but in different, often quite individual ways?

or… (borrowed from Leo Tolstoy:)

NTs are all alike; every aspie is unique in their own individual way.



CockneyRebel
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02 Mar 2012, 4:32 pm

I threw in the gender towel a long time ago. I live my life as a male, because that's the gender that I wish I was born. I don't grow or do my hair, I don't wear make up and I don't go on diets. I've also never had anorexia. It works for me. :)


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02 Mar 2012, 4:38 pm

I think it depends. Some people have major asperger's and soome people are a bit more high functioning. So that's one factor right there. There seems to be more males with Asperger's Syndrome. Females tend to hide it better than males and usually don't get teased as much in school as the males that have it but they have the intense pressure of wanting to fit in with the other girls. There's a big pressure to fit in socially for girls and also sometime a girl who has Asperger's Syndrome make friends with the type of girl who kind of "mothers" them and gets them to fit in easier. Although, some males seem to not be able to disguise it as much as some girls can therefore they might get teased more.

Overall I think it depends on the person as an individual according to where they are on the spectrum and their personality.



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02 Mar 2012, 6:43 pm

I know boys can get annorexia too, but it is more common in girls. All girls worry about is how fat they look, and all they do is compete with other girls.

But maybe I don't understand how the male mind works because I am a female. Maybe males judge other males too, in ways females can't see, and I bloody know that females judge other females but maybe it's something males don't see.

There are always set standards that run right through: ''if a man does it it's OK, but if a woman does it, it's weird''. Obviously there are some ''if a woman does it it's OK but if a man does it it's weird'', but it seems to be more the former.

And when I say ''more'' or ''common'', it does not mean ''the other sex never does this''. I'm just saying I've met more women who have worried about losing weight than I have men, but there are men out there who also worry about their weight, but it seems to be more common in women.


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02 Mar 2012, 6:59 pm

I don't really know but I'm not sure if it matters, does it?

I just wanted to wish this thread happy birthday for Sunday ;)


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02 Mar 2012, 7:01 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I know boys can get annorexia too, but it is more common in girls. All girls worry about is how fat they look, and all they do is compete with other girls.


But maybe I don't understand how the male mind works because I am a female. Maybe males judge other males too, in ways females can't see, and I bloody know that females judge other females but maybe it's something males don't see.

There are always set standards that run right through: ''if a man does it it's OK, but if a woman does it, it's weird''. Obviously there are some ''if a woman does it it's OK but if a man does it it's weird'', but it seems to be more the former.

And when I say ''more'' or ''common'', it does not mean ''the other sex never does this''. I'm just saying I've met more women who have worried about losing weight than I have men, but there are men out there who also worry about their weight, but it seems to be more common in women.


I might worry about being too underweight, but yeah I don't constantly physically compare myself to other females, seems like a useless thing to worry about to me.


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02 Mar 2012, 8:14 pm

I guess the more somebody identifies with their gender, the harder it is for them, because they're also looking at what's required of their gender as well.


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Aaam
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03 Mar 2012, 5:46 am

The main difference might be self-confidence and the confidence other are willing to give you?

Boys tend to be told that they can do anything? Boys are expected to be successful? Boys get way more encouragement then girls do, so boys tend to be more self-confident, often thinking to much of themselves?

Boys are always under a spotlight to justify all the encouragement they get. And because they did not have to work for all this encouragement they learn that just showing up is enough. And anything that shows weakness causes this encouragement to turn to doubt: So everything should look like it's easy and effort less? Successful boys never show weakness. That is how boys learn to never ask for directions. Why "working hard" is uncool. That you should always deny any need for help. No matter how much it hurts, boys don't cry. Boys don't ask advice. Boys never ask help. Boys stand by their words, they never change their minds…

Finally boys are told that only successful men are real men, to fail is to be nothing, to be worthless. This is how society can justify sending boys in to harmful situations: The real men that are worth it always come back alive and those that didn't make it are used to encourage the next generation of boys to prove themselves. So boys learn that they constantly need to prove they are really men.

Quote:
Women are more open to being taught than men. There are no girl-wonders, especially in this business. But men all think they’re the next boy-wonder, and the industry treats them as if they are. It’s embarrassing. I’ve watched editors who have been editing films for thirty years kiss some young upstart’s ass, and I think, “Why are you kissing his ass? He should be kissing your ass. You’re the one with the experience, he’s brand new. Let’s see him sustain the career you’ve sustained.” They all coddle these boys, and it’s to the detriment of the work.(source)


So while aspie boys generally get much more encouragement then aspie girls, this has also the effect that when aspie boys fail to live up to these often unreasonable expectation they will fall so much deeper. They are build up just to knock them down again. The encouragement of before turns to blame, guilt and doubt; Because the encouragement of before wasn't really based on actual performance, just promise and expectation but not actual merit.

Girls in general are expected to be quiet, silent, polite, and nice. Girls are seldom encouraged to do something and often even discouraged from even trying? It's easier for girls to hide, to stay out of the spot light. On the other hand, any succes that they do have is seen as something exceptional? Any praise girl do get is often actually more then deserved not just based on unfulfilled expectations.

Girls are discouraged from putting themselves in dangerous situations. Girls only rarely need to fear becoming expendable. Girls are not considered less female when they show weakness, when they ask for directions, or when they are seen to work hard to learn something difficult. Girls do tend to be seen as female first and individual person second. Some of the time the spotlight on girls shines much brighter than the spotlight on boys does, but this light is also much dimmer most of the time. Girls are allowed to reinvent themselves, to change their minds, but are also rarely taken serious and often ignored.

Our gender based culture is a double edged sword that is very sharp at both sides and cuts deep wounds in all of us.



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03 Mar 2012, 9:47 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I guess the more somebody identifies with their gender, the harder it is for them, because they're also looking at what's required of their gender as well.


Not really.

Society is more than happy to punish those of us who don't conform/don't care about their supposed "gender."

My biggest obstacle in getting employment is that my hair is "too short" and I don't wear make-up.

Craziness.


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Aaam
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03 Mar 2012, 10:14 am

Perhaps there are two different components interacting with each other in complex ways?

Our AS makes it difficult to look and act in a way that fits with our assigned gender.
Society makes it difficult when we don't look and act fitting of their assigned gender.